Gray Area
by Rokubi
Summary: Follow Garrus as he progresses through different levels of attachment to the great Commander Shepard; fondness, respect, friendship, full blown hero-worship, and something that gets lost in-between. Set ME1
1. They Didn't See It Start

**Title:** The Gray Area

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Renting

**Summary: **Follow Garrus as he progresses through different levels of attachment to the great Commander Shepard; fondness, respect, friendship, full blown hero-worship, and something that gets lost in-between. Set ME1.

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Chapter One

They Didn't See It Start

The elevator door opened with a near silent swish that caught Garrus Vakarian's attention. Looking over his shoulder he was met with the sight of his current CO, Commander Shepard. Her eyes swept over the blue and red room as she stepped forward. The bright light of the weapons bench he was currently stationed at was a stark contrast to the more mellow lighting of the hanger, and he was not surprised that she was drawn to the brighter corner. The lack of familiar krogan was such an oddity that Commander Shepard's steps faltered as she past the vacant spot.

Her vision lingered over the team lockers as she walked. If she was displeased with the current state of his—as the contents were now spilling out and onto the floor in the most haphazard of ways—she gave no sign. But that was not surprising. If he had learned one thing about the commander (and honestly, it really did feel like he had learned only one damn thing), it was that she was near impossible to read.

Garrus had always prided himself on being able to read people. He was a cop after all, and that was a very important part of the job. Knowing each species and their 'tells' was vital in an interrogation. But with the commander … well, she was harder to read than a hanar and elcor's bastard love child.

"Commander," he greeted with a happy click of his mandibles that was surly lost on the human woman.

At first he was wary of his growing fondness for Commander Shepard, as he wasn't too sure how friendly the Alliance let their soldiers become. But with her regular chats, it seemed like that wasn't an issue. The idea of becoming friends with the commander was a pleasant one and he was happy to see it slowly happening.

Plus, Garrus really wasn't getting along too well with the other members of the ship at the moment …

"Vakarian," she greeted. She had only stopped calling him 'Officer' Vakarian a few conversations ago.

_Progress, _he grinned.

Her brow rose as her eyes traced his flared mandibles. Her lips gave a flash of a smile that was gone as soon as he spied it, and he was sure she knew he was grinning at her. The commander glanced over at his disassembled sniper rifle as she cleared her throat.

"Where's Chief Williams?"

_As far as she can possibly be from me. _"I don't know, Commander."

"She should be on duty." She was looking at him again.

He shrugged as he turned to lean one arm casually on the countertop. "If you're looking for her you might have better luck in the mess hall," he offered.

She merely watched him with her large human eyes as her brain worked out why Williams would risk the ire of the commander.

"Seems you ran her away," she simply said. She didn't voice her disproval or her understanding to either side. She didn't storm off to demand Williams to not derelict her duty or ask Garrus to be more understanding.

It was madding not being able to tell what she was _feeling_. She always voiced her thoughts. It was how she felt that she kept carefully locked away.

No positive or negative.

Always neutral.

"And no, I'm not looking for her." She scanned his work station again before adding, "I'll let you get back to work." He nodded and turned to his gun.

He fully expected her to exit the hanger and finish her rounds of the ship, which was why he was confused when he caught her out of the corner of his eye.

With a slight till of her head she was staring down at the mess he had made while looking for all of his mods that were buried in his locker. He opened his mouth to assure her that he was going to clean it up, but snapped it close as she lowered herself on the floor.

Feeling the need not to disturb the odd scene that was unfolding, he tried his best to watch from the corner of his eye, and for the first time in his life he cursed his visor for hampering his vision.

Shepard had settled herself in the middle of his mess and crossed her leg in a way that made him cringe. Wordlessly, she began shifting through his clutter and stacking things in neat little piles; a mod here, a stray armor piece there.

Once done she began to look through each pile. A frown would mar her face before she sat whatever had failed her test aside before picking up another piece and putting it to under the same scrutiny. After a clear 'reject' pile was made she stood up and opened her own locker, pulling out a box from the bottom.

Garrus tried to act like he was in the middle of adding a scope mod when she walked over to him. Her hands reached for the mod in his, her strange five fingers leaving a faint chill from her lower body heat as it brushed his. The mod was tossed over her shoulder and, with a loud clank, he was amused to hear it land in the reject pile. Garrus angled his head to watch her with one eye as she pulled free a newer, and a hell of a lot better, sniper scope and replaced it in his hand.

He was aware she went through everyone's lockers and ungraded armor and weapons when they didn't do it themselves. This was the first time he had actually seen her do it. He was even willing to bet he was the first one to _ever_ see her do it.

He looked up at her and said, "Thank-you, Commander." She froze as her brow came together and, after a long moment, gave him a small nod.

Did no one ever thank her for this? It was uncommon for a commanding officer to personally deal with the weapons and armor; this was clearly Williams' duty. So it was almost endearing how much responsibility she put on herself.

The urge to see her smile overcame him as he added, "Although, if you have any hope of ever reaching my level, you might want to keep all the goodies for yourself."

Amusement was an easy read on her face and he couldn't help but feel proud at her current smile.

_Well done. Maybe now you'll even be able to make a geth giggle and the universe will implode. _

"Hey, I gave you a run for your money on the last mission." She sat the box on the table and her fingers toyed with the edge.

"True." He leaned back in his seat and folded his arms loosely. "That was until you missed your second head shot, threw your rifle at the nearest merc, brought out your assault, and charged." He chuckled.

Shepard shrugged as she leaned her weight gently on the table with her hip. The move was slow and deliberate; like she knew what she was doing and was testing the waters. "Scare tactic; if you stick to one thing too long you become complacent and the enemy has a better chance of besting you. Better to throw a curve ball and keep 'em on their toes."

Garrus gave her the blankest look a turian could give (he was told by a human C-Sec officer that it was easily a creepy dead stare), as her last sentence made no freaking sense to him.

She returned his stare before she gave a small laugh.

Garrus was sure this was the first time he'd heard her laugh. It was small and breathy and it looked to come from her core as she grinned at him. "Change things up to keep them sharp."

"Because you _want_ the merc with the gun pointed at your head to think on his feet."

"Isn't fun otherwise."

He was grinning again. "Point taken."

Garrus was a bit sorry to see her straighten as she picked up her box and turned back to her locker without another word.

The commander could end a conversation just as quickly as she started one, but he was surprised to see she left her smile on as she worked on switching his mods for upgraded ones. Once done she placed her box back in her locker and began neatly cleaning his, leaving his other guns out as it was clear he still needed to work on those.

When she stood, he was sure, once again, that she was going to leave.

Instead, she went across the room and picked up a heavy looking crate. She carried it over with little difficulty and sat it down in front of the lockers. Opening it she began placing gear into each locker. He noticed nothing went into her own locker, which lead him to believe that she had already received her own equipment earlier in the day. She added a few more things to his and even replaced his greaves.

Garrus also noted she didn't add any of her own mods to the other lockers like she did his. The commander wasn't one to hoard better gear, and he was confused as to why she would only upgrade his mods with her own.

Garrus took a good look at his new scope and found the answer; it was expensive as hell. He had only given it a glance when she had first given it to him, so he hadn't notice it was a scope that could improve his sighting by twice what it was … and was currently on the market for a _half-million creds._

She mostly likely had only one to give, and buying anymore would have meant the crew going hungry for a while.

Spirits, he couldn't take this.

He picked up the mod, turned to face her, and dropped it. He fumbled to catch it as he stared in disbelief.

Shepard was currently dead set on stuffing a very large and gleaming shotgun into Wrex's locker. It was a losing battle as the current oversized krogan armor was already jammed tight in there.

"Son of a …" she muttered as she pushed with both hands. With a small grunt she pulled back and was rewarded with the sight of the gun half jammed in the locker. She glared like it was mocking her. "You little…" she trailed off again as she looked around. Shepard spotted him and waved him over.

"You just gonna watch me all day or help, Vakarian?"

Garrus sat the mods on the table, already half forgotten, as he walked to stand next to her. He surveyed the damage before he started scolding. "Brute force won't work on everything, Commander."

"And what would _you_ do?" Her tone was near playful and he easily went along.

"_Well_, first you have to be gentle." He gripped the shotgun and eased it out. He scanned the locker and found a spot near the top to fit it. "You have to ease it in." He slipped it into the gap and slowly moved it in, waiting to see if it would catch. It didn't, so he felt safe enough to force it in the last leg. "Once you're in far enough, _then_ you can added a little force; just enough to past a little resistance, but not enough to break anything. See? With the right touch you can fit things in the oddest places."

Happy to help, he turned back to Shepard. She had a near insane grin on her face that she was struggling to hide but was failing. This was the first time she was unable to completely hide her emotions and that only added to his confusion.

Finally she gave up and let her devious grin break wide. "Oh really, Vakarian?" She placed her hands behind her back. "Sounds like you have a lot of experience in that area. Glad to know you don't just _jam_ it in."

What was she getting at? What could—oh Spirits! He didn't mean it like that!

"Commander! I-I didn't mean-what I was saying-I—"

Her eyes opened wide as she understood his stutter, then she promptly doubled over in a fit of silent laugher.

Once again, he felt an odd sense of pride at making his stoic commander break her mask, even if it was at his own expense. She recovered only to break back down once she looked at him.

"I'm sorry," she wheezed. "I shouldn't have laughed." Shepard wiped at her eyes. "It's just normally you're so … nonchalant and smooth. To think you said that without meaning too …" She was still smiling as she shook her head at him.

Garrus tilted his head as he took in her words. "Nonchalant and smooth? My, Commander, didn't know you held me in such … high regard," he said as _smoothly_ as he could.

Even with her soft human face flustered from her laughter, he could still see her cheeks darken as she looked away.

This was turning into quite the night. Maybe he should run Williams off more often.

Ah, speak of the devil …

The elevator opened with a swish, and before Alenko or Williams stepped out Shepard was wearing her controlled mask once more.

Williams froze at the sight of the commander before steeling herself and walking briskly over to her.

"Williams," Shepard greeted. "I was wondering when you would show up for your shift."

Alenko, always one to throw himself on a grenade, interrupted. "Sorry Commander, it's my fault. I ended up talking her ear off and when she finally got a word in, she said she was running late." He gave a half smile, and Garrus was sure that the man thought his words were true.

Shepard only stared evenly at Williams. "Really? Well, now that you're here, make sure you don't get in Officer Vakarian's way. I would _hate_ for you to run _him _off."

Garrus had a hell of a time holding his tongue.

"Yes, Ma'am." She gave a jerky salute as Alenko furrowed his brow at the hidden exchange.

Shepard nodded as she picked up the now empty crate. "I've added a few things to both of your lockers. Make sure to check it out before the next mission."

Both humans voiced their affirmatives as she went to the other side of the room and deposited the crate, then walked into the elevator.

As the door slid closed she caught his eye, and for a moment he swore her mouth twitched with a smile before she was gone.


	2. She's A Puppeteer

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Renting

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Chapter Two

She's A Puppeteer

"Thank you. Thank you for saving me from those _things_."

Garrus held back a bark of disbelieving laugher. This was far easier than he expected. Only going through one room filled with Dr. Saleon's brutal test victims and then they find the mad man in the very next.

The commander lowered her gun and Alenko followed suit. Only Garrus kept his gun trained at him. _Just shoot and get it over with. _All it would take was one bullet. One bullet to end the sickness the man called a life.

"Commander, that's him." His mouth moved of its own accord. "That's Dr. Saleon." Why was he hesitating? Wasn't the only reason they were on this damn ship was to kill the doctor? This was his problem, yet he was letting Shepard decide.

He knew the moment she lowered her gun was the same moment he should have taken the shot. But as much as he hated the doctor, the idea of disobeying an order from Shepard, even if she didn't voice it, was unsettling.

"What!" The man's large speckled eyes met his and widened in understanding. He turned to Shepard and took a step towards her, who had re-holstered her weapon. "My name is Heart! Dr. Heart!" He took another desperate step towards the commander. "Please get me out of here." His voice was a pleading whine that grated on Garrus' nerves. With his gun still on the doctor, he could end this in a flash.

Her voice was calm as she called him. "Garrus." That was new. Garrus slightly lowered his arms and caught her sidelong glance. "Are you sure it's him?" She regarded the doctor with an impassive face.

He nodded. "Positive." He took a step forward, not liking how close Saleon was getting to the commander. "There's no escape this time Doctor." His eyes narrowed as a small amount of glee filled him. "I'd harvest your organs first … but we don't have the time."

"You're crazy." Saleon's eyes shifted across the three of them and clearly saw Shepard as his only chance. "He's crazy." Too close. That bastard was too close to her. "Please don't let him do this to me." Again Garrus inched forward, wanting more than anything to block that monster's path to his commander.

Her hand shot out and stopped his advancement, touching his as she pushed his gun down. The memory of her soft, cool touch sneaked up on him as his hand tingled. "Stand down, Garrus." Again the sound of his name coming from her was strange and new. He lowered his gun and put it away. "We'll take him in; drop him off with the military."

He knew she was going to do something to interfere, either by stopping him or even taking the kill shot herself. Why didn't he shoot again?

"But we have him. We can't let him get away." He was brisling at the idea. "Not again."

"Think Garrus." Again with his name. No Vakarian. Just Garrus. "If he dies then we'll never know what's he's been up to or how he did it. How he made those … things." She was still staring at the man in front of her. "We'll take him in, interrogate him, and he'll serve his time."

"I've—Okay. You're right." _She's always right._ "You're very lucky, salarian. You owe the commander your life."

The shift in Saleon's demeanor was so sudden that it caught Garrus off guard. "Oh, thank you so very much, _Commander_."

Then he lunged at her, pulling his rifle from his back and opening fire at point blank range. Saleon was too close for Garrus to shoot without risking harm to Shepard and for Alenko to use his biotics. Her shields were useless. Garrus felt his stomach drop.

She, of course, didn't need his help as she grabbed hold of Saleon's gun and jerked it down, sending the bullets into the floor. Garrus felt his tension ease seeing her easy handle of the doctor.

Then she stabbed him in the neck.

His jaw dropped as Saleon's green blood gushed around the combat knife. Her other hand still pointed the gun to the floor as his finger seized in a dead lock and the gun spent itself.

His body finally went limp and Shepard eased him gently to the floor.

"Commander?" Alenko asked as he took a step towards her. Clearly he was just as confused as Garrus was.

Shepard pulled the knife from Saleon's neck and wiped it on his clothes. Placing it back in its sheath at her thigh, she turned to leave.

"We'll discuss this later. We need to do a full sweep to make sure the ship is clean and then contact the nearest military vessel."

The sweep was marked with a strained silence and both Alenko and his own questioning glances at the commander.

Why kill him? She could have disarmed him in a heartbeat. It made no sense to kill the man after talking Garrus out of it. What she said made sense; now they wouldn't know all the sick, twisted things the doctor did and never bothered to write down. Hell, it was still unknown if he even kept written records.

Garrus felt the need to salvage what was left of this mission.

"We need to find his files. Make sure they're still intact."

Spirits, this was eating him up. He was relieved, happy even, that Saleon was dead, and he would have thought nothing of his death if Shepard _didn't open her damn mouth_.

For a moment he thought she would disagree. Say that it didn't matter and that whoever came to salvage this ship would deal with it.

She didn't look at him as she nodded her agreement and lead the way back to the locked door near the front of the ship; the only room left to search and surly the doctors lab. She settled down to hack the door. With the higher encryption it was going to take a few minutes before the locks were bypassed. After five minutes Garrus leaned over her shoulder to see what was taking so long.

Shepard was only half way done. The same women who could hack two geths in mere seconds and make them enter in a suicide pack was taking near ten minutes to hack a door.

Something was wrong.

"What's the hold up?" Alenko joined Garrus to peer over Shepard's shoulders. Luckily he was not well versed with tech and couldn't see the same thing Garrus saw: the way she was moving too slowly through the program, like she was reanalyzing things over and over. The way she missed simple connections and had to reload. How she nearly triggered the fail-safe every couple of seconds.

"Nothing." The tone of her voice never betrayed her. "But if you're getting antsy you can go check Saleon body."

Alenko raised a brow. "What I am looking for?"

Shepard shrugged but Garrus answered. "Anything disturbing that screams 'mad scientist'."

Alenko turned to head across the hall. "That's the whole damn place," he muttered as he departed.

Garrus was by her side as soon as Alenko left. Shepard jumped, but didn't fight as he leaned around her and took over. She was too far in to reroute the hack to his tool—that would just lock it down for good and force them to blow open the door—so he had to work from hers.

Even with their armor, she fit easily in the space of his arms. His head brushed her hair and he noted how soft it was. Shepard kept her arm level as he breezed through.

This was a huge breach of space and was questionable on many levels, but he couldn't bring himself to care as he felt her lean very slowly into his hold.

Her voice was soft when she spoke. "Something tells me what's behind this door isn't going to be pleasant."

Garrus remembered how easily they had struck down the mutated test subjects. Maybe it was only easy for him and Alenko.

Garrus didn't know what to say. Comfort was something he wasn't used to giving and was something he knew she didn't get often.

So he did the first turian thing that came to mind; he pressed his mandible to her cheek and hummed with his subharmonics.

Always the wary one, it took Shepard a moment of thought before she slowly pressed back. Finally she let out a small sigh as his harmonics rumbled through her.

"Garrus …"

He stopped her with a rub of his cheek to hers. "Almost done."

When did Garrus turn so callous that he could strike down a room full of people the same way he could mow down geth? How did he not think about their suffering beyond his moment of rage? Why did it take a moment of weakness from his commander to remind him why he was out here taking on the worst monsters in the galaxy in the first place?

Why did it _ache_ to see her like this?

The door beeped as the lock turned green.

Shepard's shoulders tensed before she let out a small breath. The room was just a well-stocked lab. No test subjects, no body parts. Just a lab.

He stood, pulling her to her feet, and watched as her cheeks flushed. Her eyes darted at anything but his face, and she shifted on her feet like she was ready to bolt given the chance.

"Nothing on Saleon, Commander," Alenko said as he rejoined them. Garrus had to admit he had good timing. Any second earlier and they would have had a hell of explaining to do.

Humans always overreacted when it came to touching.

She gave a jerky nod. Alenko seemed puzzled by her flushed cheeks. "Everything alright?" He turned his question to Garrus, but Shepard took the moment to regain self-control.

"Everything is fine." She walked briskly into the room. "Come on."

And, just like that, she was back to normal.

* * *

Garrus paced as the elevator made its way up. It had been a few hours after leaving Saleon's ship. The three-man team had parted ways the same as always with him checking on the Mako and Alenko and the commander leaving on the lift.

She didn't seem upset over the mission. Yet Garrus knew he couldn't trust just reading her. He would have to ask and trust that she would give him an honest answer, which he didn't.

Plus, he was worried how she was reading into his earlier action. Did she know that it was something turians used for comfort, mostly among children? Would she be offended by that?

Exiting, he headed up to the CIC. He found her leaning over the galaxy map; her head slightly limp as she stared at a bright cluster of stars. The crew was at their stations and they weren't giving the commander any attention. Garrus stayed back, not sure if he should intrude.

"Commander." Garrus wasn't the only one seeking her. Alenko had approached Shepard from the other side and was looking expectantly at her.

Shepard stood to her full height as she faced Alenko. "Something you need, Alenko?"

It looked like Garrus wasn't the only one moving up in familiarity. Alenko noticed the lack of 'Lieutenant' and he smiled at her. "I would just like to talk."

"About Saleon." Always to the point.

"Yes."

She nodded, then added, "You might as well come along too, Vakarian." Her head turned to include him.

When did she even notice him?

"I trust you both don't mind airing your grievances in from of each other?" she said while looking back at Alenko. He nodded, and she did not wait to hear Garrus' confirmation. "Good." She stepped down and led the way to her quarters.

It was spacy and bare, with no personal items of any kind, just two couches, a table, two terminals, a clothes locker, and a bed.

Alenko gave the room a once over as well. Shepard waved at two vacant chairs as she settled into a third.

Shepard looked expectantly at them both and when her eyes met his, words just tumbled out. "What was the point of all that?" His earlier frustration hit him full force and his flanging came out pitchy.

Shepard laced her fingers together as she leaned forward. "You can't predict how people will react. But you can control how you will respond." Her voice turned softer as she looked over them. "In the end, that's what really matters."

Garrus could only stare at her as it all clicked in his head. Why did she always make sense? _I don't think I've met anyone like you, _he thought with more awe than he liked.

Alenko was still confused. "But you killed him?"

"Yes, I did." Her gaze bore into Garrus. "Can you tell me why I did, Vakarian?"

He shifted. "You had given him a way out. A chance to keep his life, and he turned it down."

"But you could have still disarmed him," Alenko countered.

"And he still would have fought. If he was truly remorseful or he was willing to cooperate, then yes, I would have let him live. A dead man can't make things right."

"I see," Alenko said as he leaned back in his chair.

"Personally," Shepard seemed reluctant to go one, but she did, "I wanted to kill him the moment I saw him." She was frowning as her eyes glassed over.

"Why didn't you?" Alenko asked.

"It didn't matter what I wanted; personal feeling have no place in a mission. You shouldn't make a choice on simple feelings of 'good' or 'bad'. You have to stay objective."

_But you didn't, _he realized.

He thought back to how Saleon kept moving closer and closer. How still she remained and how her eyes never left the doctor. How quick she reacted, like she was waiting the whole time for that moment.

Shepard knew he was going to attack, and she let him. She had played the doctor and got the outcome she needed while giving Alenko and him a lesson. He wasn't sure if he should be impressed or upset.

Was her breakdown an act too? At this point he wouldn't put anything past the commander.

A few minutes passed in silence before Alenko stood and said, "I'll talk you later, Commander." He nodded at Garrus. "Vakarian." Then he left.

Shepard was now waiting for him to speak.

"You let him attack. So you could kill him." It wasn't a question.

Shepard looked surprised before she smiled. "Of course you would see right through it." She sighed. "I have to remember you're a hell of a lot smarter than me."

"I'm not smarter—" She cut him off with a soft laugh.

"Modesty? From you, Garrus? I believe hell just froze over."

He couldn't help but chuckle. "Oh, don't get me wrong, I am better than you in many things: sniping, tracking, hacking, and I believe I blow everyone on board out of the water in the looks department. But you had me going for a while."

She was leaning towards him. "But you still pieced it together. Just like with Saren." That caught his interest. "The only damn reason I knew he was dirty was because he was shoving his evil down my throat on Eden. And how did you find out? From paper trails and clues?" She grinned at him. "You're a damn good detective, Vakarian, and I'm glad you're here."

He wanted to believe her, he really did, but she was just too damn good at playing a room …

"And about … what happened on the ship … " She looked away and ran a hand along her head. "Thank you." Her cheeks flushed.

Against his better judgment, he believed her.


	3. A Name's Not Enough

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Renting

* * *

Chapter Three

A Name's Not Enough

While Garrus was not happy to be left on the ship during the mission on Feros, he understood that he couldn't go on _every_ mission. Depending on the given information they had received on the job beforehand, Shepard rotated her crew based on who would be the most efficient. And on this one, they had picked up enough geth chatter to know they were swarming down there.

How could he complain when Alenko, Wrex, and Willaims were in the same state of annoyance as he?

Still, Garrus had to admit, he was more worried than annoyed. Spirits, she took Dr. T'Soni and Zorah with her.

_Liara_ and _Tali._

Both were the most inexperienced in combat of the crew. They were picking it up well enough, but that didn't mean he wanted to test them in a pinch. Without an experienced member there to pick up any slack … Garrus couldn't help but worry.

Plus the raging colonist banging on the airlock wasn't helping much.

Moreau had finally contacted the commander, and she only told them all to sit tight and to leave the ship in lockdown. Garrus stood ready at the airlock door, along with the rest of the combat team. Time slowly ticked by as the banging became more urgent and very in_human_ sounds echoed outside.

The CIC was quiet as the rest of the crew hovered a safe distance away.

"I say we open it," Wrex said as he cocked his shotgun.

"Are you crazy?" Alenko hissed in disbelief. His body was pulsing with blue biotics and flared with his shock.

"I agree." Williams was near dancing on her feet as she switched her pistol from one hand to the other. They all turned to look at her. "Better we get the upper hand before they get smart and set charges."

She looked at Garrus and he held back a laugh. _Are we voting on this?_

"Moreau, can you bring up the feed from the external cameras?" He wanted to know what was out there. The last feed had showed only humans, but with the current howling out there ….

"Here we go. And for the _last _time, it's Jok—holy shit! What _are_ those?" Moreau's jaw dropped. The camera was angled down to show a group of armed humans. Some were pacing, while some were franticly hitting the _Normandy_'s door.

And walking lazily among them were gray skinned, humanoid creatures.

Their eyes were hollow and their mouths were open in permit moans. Every now and then a few would collapse into a ball in the ground, only to jerk up when a human wandered too close or made too much noise. It would let loose an indignant sound, as if to say, 'I was napping, asshole. Take your noisy shit somewhere else,' and then collapse right back down. One, for no apparent reason, exploded in a spray of gray flesh and sickly green muck that coated everything around it.

"I say we keep it closed," Garrus said.

They all agreed.

* * *

When the noise started to die down, they went to watch the camera's feed. Both humans and creatures were leaving. They hurried off, and Garrus felt his earlier worry increase.

_Please don't let the surface team be their new interest._

* * *

"Joker." The com buzzed and Shepard's voice filled the small space.

"Commander," Moreau greeted with relief. "Having fun out there?"

She sighed. "You have no idea. Things are clear with the colonists, and we're heading back."

"What the hell were those things? Zombies? Please don't tell me they were zombies."

"Thorian creepers. I'll explain on board. Have the team ready in the meeting room." There was a pause. Garrus could hear faint voices of the others on the com and then her voice returned. "No, I'm fine. Enough."

"Are you wounded, Commander? Should I let Chakwas know you're heading her way?"

Shepard gave a longer, more annoyed sigh. She was clearly admitting defeat. "Yes. Tell her T'Soni and I will be down after the briefing."

"You sure you shouldn't head down first? You know how she gets; might drag you out by your ear."

"It can wait."

It was a few minutes before the surface team came into view. Red blood covered all of them, and there were a few light traces of the green goop. Dr. T'Soni was favoring her right leg and was using Zorah as a crutch. The commander had no visible wounds, which wasn't a good sign. They entered the airlock and the decontamination took twice as long.

When the doors opened, Shepard raised a brow at all of them gathered in front of her. Honestly, it never occurred to him to head to the meeting room like she ordered. He, as did everyone else of the combat squad, wanted to see them board and make sure they were safe.

He went and offered the doctor his arm. She watched him before nodding and leaned her full weight on him. Tali straighten to her full height as they all followed the commander.

Once seated Alenko asked, "What happened?" He looked at Shepard, then to Dr. T'Soni.

Shepard grimaced as she stood back up. She visible flinched as she started retelling the mission. She paused when she came to the part where the colonist went under the planet's control. "We had to put down a few colonists once we ran out of the gas grenades."

Put down? She made it sound like she was dealing with a pack of wild varren.

At this, Tali hung her head. She rung her hands as she said, "Sorry, Commander. That was my fault … If they didn't corner me …"

Shepard shook her head and winced. "No, it's not your fault." Her eyes hardened. "I gave the order not to harm the colonist _if_ we could manage." She stared at the quarian's mask. "I should have made myself clear; you were in the green and should have taken them both out."

Tali jerked. "But … they weren't in control!"

Shepard nodded. "That's why we were using the gas. If I was closer I would have knocked them out. But what's done is done. There will always be a million what if's."

Again, Tali hung her head.

Shepard went on with the debriefing. When she came to the thorain Liara started shifting in her seat. "And this is where I must apologize, Commander. I-I had thought it was Shiala … when it was only a clone. We were both injured because of my error. In the end she still died."

Shepard rubbed her head and glanced at Liara. "You though it was a friend and you didn't want to hurt her; no one can fault you for that."

She went on, and once she was finished Liara stood on shaky legs and said, "You look pale." She was right; the commander's skin was ashen. "Are you suffering any ill effects from the cypher?"

"I'm fine; it's not like the cypher added anything new. It's the same nightmarish mess."

"The blow to your head plus the added pressure of the visions cannot be good. Please allow me to help. I am an expert on Protheans. If I join my consciousness to yours, maybe we can make some sense of it."

The commander gave a slight groan as she rubbed her head. "It's worth a shot. You can't possibly make it worse." She forced a smile. "Tell me; is 'embrace eternity' an asari come on?"

Liara blushed and rapidly shook her head. "No, no, Commander, this is completely platonic in nature—"

"Calm down T'Soni." Her smile looked more genuine. "Let's do this."

Liara reached out and placed her hands on either side of the commander's head. "Relax," Liara urged. "Embrace—I mean, open your mind." Garrus held back a snicker.

They both closed their eyes and, for a few crisp seconds, they were perfectly still. Then Liara jerked back and her eyes shot open. In her panic, she would have fallen if Wrex didn't reach out and steady her. Her hands went to her mouth and she stared wide-eyed at Shepard, who was only watching her suspiciously.

What the hell did the doctor see?

"Oh, Goddess." She shuddered.

"What? What's wrong?" Alenko asked in alarm.

"Skipper?" Williams called.

"Nothing's wrong," Shepard explained as she stared at Liara. "The visions aren't the most … pleasant things to see."

Liara was looking at anything but Shepard. "All this time …" she muttered. "All my research … I never dreamed." She tried to compose herself. "I'm sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so … intense."

She finally glanced at Shepard. "You are remarkably strong-willed, Commander. What you've been through—what you've seen—would have destroyed a lesser mind."

Williams got them back on track, and Liara admitted that the visions in Shepard's head were incomplete and nothing could be gained at the moment. When Liara swooned and her bum leg gave out, Garrus jumped up to catch her. He lifted the half dazed asari in his arms and waited for the commander's orders.

"Dismissed," she ordered the crew. "Vakarian, can you carry her down to the med-bay?" He nodded.

"I'm fine," Liara mumbled.

Alenko hesitated by the door. "Do you need any help, Commander?"

"We're good, Alenko."

The com beeped. "Commander, let me know when you're done with the Feros report so I can send it off to the Council."

"Will do, Joker."

Alenko still didn't make to leave. He waited and walked with them, only leaving for his station once they reached the crew deck.

Dr. Chakwas was livid. "Commander!" Her lecture was stopped at the sight of Liara. "T'Soni!" She waved Garrus over to one of the metal bed, and he sat her on it. Shepard settled herself on another to lie down.

"Oh no you don't!" Chakwas commanded. "I heard the debrief; you may have a concussion."

"I'm fine." Shepard's voice was weaker. "It's just a headache from dealing with the cypher."

Chakwas looked at Garrus. "Make sure she stays awake while I treat T'Soni."

Garrus turned and went to Shepard's side. Her eyes were closed, and for a moment he feared she had already passed out.

"Commander." His shook her and her eyes snapped open. "I'm fine, Vakarian. Leave me be."

He pulled her up, and she weakly pulled away from his hold. He let go, which caused her to fall back. He caught her before she went off the side. "Yes, you're the perfect picture of fine," he bit out as she glared at him. Or tried to glare, as her eyes wouldn't focus on anything for too long.

"I felt like this after dealing with the beacon on Eden Prime; I'll be fine."

"How did you hit your head?"

"What?"

"T'Soni said you hit your head. How?"

Shepard looked over at Liara's form. "She thought the clone was the real Shiala; someone she knew from when she was growing up. When the clone attacked, she froze up and I knocked her out of the way. She fell hard on her leg and I was thrown back into a wall. Tali saved both our asses, but she's too shaken up over losing the colonist to realize it."

"And how are you?"

"I said I'm _fine_," she growled out.

"No. With killing the colonist. How are you?" While the mission may have called for their deaths, he wondered how well she really was taking it.

Her eyes held his as they focused with striking clarity. "I'm fine." He was getting sick of hearing those words.

_No you're not. _"You had no choice," he reasoned.

"I know." _No you don't._

"If you tried to close in, Tali could have been wounded or killed."

"I know."

"You ran out of gas."

"_I know_."

"You had no choice."

"There's _always_ a choice," she whispered as she pressed the heels of her palms to her eyes. "I was just too stupid to see it this time." Her shoulders locked in place. "And people died because of me." Her breath shook with each intake.

Garrus wasn't sure what he expected her to do; maybe admit it _was_ eating at her, yell at him to leave her alone, or even kept up her tough act. Crying was the last thing he thought she would do. If he could call her frozen state 'crying', that is. This was Commander Shepard. She didn't scream in frustration or lose her cool. Didn't sob or whine. And she sure as hell didn't cry.

So who was the person in front of him?

The last time Garrus dealt with someone crying was years ago, and it had been his sister.

Her hands were still pressed to her face and her form was still as a statue. He looked behind him at the equally stunned doctors.

_I made her cry. _The though was near ridiculous as he looked down at his commander. He was struck with how small she looked right now. How vulnerable and open she was at this moment. Slowly he reached out and pulled her hands from her face. He remembered how well she responded to his comfort before, after dealing with Saleon, and he leaned down. He pressed his cheek to hers and gave a soft hum. He noticed it was far hotter than last time.

"Shepard." Her hands were in his. "None of this is your fault. If it wasn't for you, the whole colony would still be nothing but mindless slaves. The only one blaming you is you."

He pulled back and was dismayed to see the hollow stare on her face.

"Commander." Liara walked over without a limp. "This has all been ExoGeni's doing. Garrus is correct; none of this it your fault." She placed a blue hand on Shepard's shoulder. "I do not envy you. What you have seen, what you are forced to undertake … it is not an easy task. Nor will it ever have easy choices. Just know that you are not alone in it." Garrus backed away as Chakwas eased her arm around Shepard and pulled her into a light embrace.

Liara and him hovered awkwardly as Chakwas pulled back and brushed a hand through Shepard's hair. The commander would not look at them.

"Liara, you're good to go," Dr. Chakwas said. Liara nodded and hurried off into the back room.

Garrus understood the dismissal from the older woman and made his way out. He glanced back as he left and caught Shepard's eye as she looked over her shoulder at him.

Then the door closed.


	4. It's A Bumpy Ride But We're Gettin There

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader:** Renting

* * *

Chapter Four

It's A Bumpy Ride, But We're Getting There

The door to the elevator slide open and the commander walked out, wearing a steel gaze that informed Garrus she was about to head out for a new mission. Yesterday's events were still fresh in his mind, and he was damn sure she was not about to leave him behind this time. The Spirits must have heard him, because at that moment she locked eyes with him and nodded. _Suit up,_ her eyes said as she turned to the engineering room.

Garrus and Tali suited up and quickly grabbed their weapons. Shepard had used her second locker on the crew deck and was outfitted in _another _different armor suit. He was willing to bet she had more armor than civilian clothes at this point.

Wordlessly they climbed into the Mako and waited for Wrex, Willaims, and the requisitions officer (Hmm, was it Hawke? Hyde, maybe?) to leave the room before the ramp was lowered and Shepard gunned it. Garrus gritted his teeth as he was jerked around in the gunner's chair. Tali gave a cry as she held on to anything she could in the co-pilot's seat.

Garrus was dead sure Shepard did this shit on purpose. _No_ _one_ was this bad at driving.

They hit the ground hard. She didn't even bother to use the thrusters to ease the landing. Once they were heading forward at an even pace, Shepard finally spoke up.

"I trust what I'm about to say won't be repeated?" She didn't even pause. "Twenty-six years ago during the First Contact War …" The Relay 314 Incident? "… espionage probes were launched into turian space by the Alliance. They were each armed with demo-nukes—twenty kilo-ton tactical fusion warheads—in case they were found and tampered with, as we didn't want an unknown enemy getting their hands on our tech."

"That's … extreme," said Tali.

"This one resurfaced and, as you can see, we're nowhere near turian space. We need to locate it and disarm it while finding out how the hell it made its way out here." Shepard glanced over her shoulder at him. "Is any of this a problem, Vakarian?"

"You mean other than the fact there are mini-nukes randomly drifting around my home space? Nope, everything is _peachy_." Garrus wasn't too bothered by this. Knowing how his people acted, he was dead sure something far worse was drifting around the humans, and maybe krogans, just waiting to blow them to hell. They probably still had a finger on the trigger and knew where it was. If anything, that was the only bothersome part; how the hell do you lose track of nukes? Were humans really this irresponsible? Just arm shit and say, 'To hell with it'?

"That isn't our concern."

"Yeah, right until the next one activates. Let's hope it's not a civilian vessel that finds it, as that would be _very_ unfortunate."

"Yes, it would." Shepard turned to look out the window (Damn her. She was driving without even looking!). Her voice had lost its hard edge.

Garrus let out a sigh, as he knew he went too far. "Commander, any bad blood between our people is just that; bad blood. And it has nothing to do with us. If you don't like me, it's because I clearly outshine you on the field. And if I don't like you, it's because you seem to want to make the Mako my grave."

"You sure it's not that mouth of yours that I don't like?"

He grinned even though she couldn't see. "You know you love it when I talk. I remember someone claiming I was quite the smooth talker the other day."

She tried to hold back a laugh. "You do remember what happened right before that, right?" She turned her head to Tali. "Vakarian here is quiet proficient with _sticking things_ in places that normally wouldn't fit. He doesn't just _jam it_ in." Tali made a small noise like she was fighting a laugh. "Have to be _gentle_ and _ease_ it in."

"Like I said, Commander; you know you love it."

* * *

"Trap." Both Garrus and Tali deadpanned as they came to the entrance of a mind shaft and the source of the signal. The surface of the planet was an eerily red that was only adding to the 'this is about to blow up in your face' vibe.

"Oh, thank you Mr. and Mrs. Obvious. And here I though the probe had _walked_ in."

"You're welcome," they once again said unison.

Shepard shook her head. She was done joking. "This doesn't change our objective. We're heading in. Be ready."

They entered with no trouble. Once in Garrus did a quick scan of the room as it depressurized. As the inner door opened, he announced that the life support systems were still running. Shepard removed her helm and let it attach to her hip, where it collapsed for storage. He did the same to his, even though he didn't need to wear it outside in the first place. Shepard had insisted.

They were in a long metal tube with a glowing yellow door at the end. Shepard advanced with her pistol raised, Tali to her right with her shotgun, and Garrus flanking them with his assault rifle. Shepard opened the door and gave a sweep of the small, flooded, circular room before heading to the next door on the left.

The door opened to show another short tunnel and the same eerie yellow glow on the door at the end.

Spirits, it was _quiet_.

His heartbeat was a noisy thump against to the rush of his blood. Tali's suit was a vibrant hum that jabbed at his ears. Shepard's breaths were evenly spaced puffs that he could time a clock to.

The next door opened and they entered a larger, but still flooded, room. Crates and stones alike shot up from the water-covered ground. A faint trickling was now audible as they navigated the room. Every turn was treated as if an ambush was behind it and, after the fifth imposing rock with only more rocks behind it, the mood deepened.

A green light came into view through the mist of the room and Shepard made for the door. Another tunnel. Only this one was longer and slopped down. The door at the end lacked the yellow glow. The chill of the mine was lessened as they moved down. His visor informed him that there was a significant heat source at the bottom. They entered another flooded room. Once in and around the corner, the probe came in view.

It was flashing.

The room shook and a sound, like a mix of metal hitting metal and a small explosion, resounded around them. Small bits of dirt and rock were dislodged as the room shuddered again. Garrus was just relived something was finally happening.

The probe flared, and Garrus immediately took that back.

"Shepard." The probe was projecting the image of a male human.

"Oh, thank God." Shepard had clearly though it was about to go off too.

Tali hand a hand over her heart. "Bosh'tet! I think I'm getting too old for this shit."

"You and me both, Tal," Garrus sighed.

"At last." The man was unfazed by their dialogue and was staring hard at Shepard.

Shepard stepped towards him. "Explain yourself. What are you doing with this probe?" she ordered.

The fuzzy pink and purple hologram flickered as his eyes went wide and he threw his head back in a laugh. "You don't remember me!" He calmed down and went on. "No matter, my dear. I remember you." He gave her a twisted smile. "I never forgot anyone I've fought." His eyes skimmed over her. "And you made quite the impression. Last time we didn't get the chance to exchange pleasantries."

Shepard was now giving him a once over as she tried to place him.

"Would it help if I said you looked plain adorable in that bikini?"

Shepard reared back and her gun was on the image in a heartbeat. "Elanos Haliat." The shock and horror in her voice made Garrus jump as he automatically mimicked Shepard's action and aimed his gun on the holo. Tali did the same. Yet, even when his senses returned and he felt foolish for pointing his gun at a hologram, he still waited for Shepard to lower hers.

"Remember me now?"

"The Blitz. You were the one behind the attack on Elysium." She finally lowered her gun.

"Yes. That was me. The motivator. The instigator. The one who promised glory for taking the largest human colony in the cluster.

"Who do you think runs the Terminus clans? It's the one who kills the most men, seizes the most ships, pillages the most colonies. Seven years ago that was _me_. I was the strongest and I used my influence to assemble a fleet! We would drive your kind out of the Verge."

"Your kind?" Shepard asked.

"Foolish people who think they can just waltz in and do whatever they want. Who let the illusion of safely make them soft and weak. And I would have had it. That colony was mine! But I failed because of you! You and your damnable holy action!"

Shepard gave a hollow, mocking laugh. "My crew will come for me."

"Let them," Haliat barked. "An Alliance warship would make a fine prize. But you would have to contact them first."

"If I remember correctly, the last time you underestimated me it didn't work out so well for you."

"Empty words." He gave a tired sigh. "Good-bye, Shepard." Then the feed cut.

"What do we do—" Tali was cut off as the probe flared and its console lit up. Three hard-points flickered as the timer read ten second.

"Each to a hard-point!" Shepard yelled as she rushed to the far left. Tali took the middle and Garrus took the far right.

Shepard cursed. "Garrus! You need to disable yours first!"

He never worked faster in his life. "I know!" he growled. Once his was disabled the firewall around Tali's fell and she tore into it.

"Keelah se'lai!" Hers powered down and that only left Shepard's. Garrus flashed back to Saleon's ship and felt his stomach drop. _If she freezes again,_ he thought.

But she didn't. She was done the fastest with three seconds left.

He felt a flash of shame for doubting her. It was quickly replaced by relief as Shepard threw her head back and laughed. "You both know if it wasn't us three here, if I had brought Willaims or Alenko or Wrex, this would be a smoking crater right now?" She laughed again. "I'm never leaving you two behind again."

Garrus grinned at her as Tali made a show of dropping her shoulders. "I think the proper reward would be to _not_ bring us along next time a mad man tries to get revenge on you."

Their commander tilted her head to the side. "Then you would never leave the ship."

It felt good to laugh with them.

* * *

"I don't believe this …" Garrus couldn't help but stare at the empty space of red ground.

"…Who would?" Tali sighed as she shook her head and followed the tracks.

"They stole the Mako." There was a hard edge to the commander's voice as she started walking. With her helm on he couldn't see her expression (not that it would help much). "They try to blow up_ my_ team and then steal _my_ Mako?"

Not sure if his commentary would be welcomed, but still unable to bite his tongue, Garrus said, "If they have already stripped it, can we get a new one? One with an AI autopilot?"

She abruptly halted her steps and waved her pistol at him. "If they stripped it, your ass is putting back to together, _piece_ by _piece_."

His mandibles twitched.

"Double time people!"

* * *

**A/N:** The Mako alternates between 'This is so freaking fun!' and 'Oh, my God, how did you flip over on your back, you monster! At the bottom of a chasm too! Hoooowwwww!' with alarming regularity. I'm not sure if it's my computer or what, but it was so bad I had to _run_ to go get Liara.


	5. Big Brother's Watching

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader:** Renting

* * *

Chapter Five

Big Brother's Watching

"Ah, the Citadel; the one place we _never_ visit." The airlock doors opened and Commander Shepard lead the way out with Dr. T'Soni and Garrus faithfully following. "Almost forgot what the old girl looked like."

The commander, as always, let his remark slide without even a glance his way. If it wasn't for Dr. T'Soni and her nervous prattle he would have though he didn't even speak.

"I quite enjoy our visits here," Liara said in response. "Very beautiful and serene." Liara gazed out across the private dock, her eyes only looking at him from the corners as they walked.

"Only on the surface," Garrus assured. "Turn down any back ally and you might as well be on Omega."

"Omega?" Shepard asked.

"A seedy space station, I have heard," Liara offered.

"That's putting it mildly."

Shepard's eyes caught his and flashed. "Aren't you Mr. Killjoy today?" Her tone softened a tiny bit. "Is being here really that bad?"

He sighed as he worked at hiding his irritation better. "A little. I didn't quit C-Sec to come right back here every other week."

"Eh, you'll live." Her carefree words surprised him a bit as she turned back around and made her way to the elevator.

"Was working for C-Sec that unbearable?" Liara asked, drawing his attention again.

"Not at first." He sighed as he ran a hand along his fringe. It wasn't that he didn't like the young doctor, but right now he was feeling oddly agitated. Maybe he should just excuse himself from this shopping trip. Alenko was in a pretty chipper mood when he had spoken to him this morning. He would enjoy this more than Garrus.

"And surly you've learned a great deal from your time there," Liara went on with no hesitation. She was near rambling now. "Your efficacy on the field must owe something to C-Sec."

"Maybe."

"Or is it due to your military background? As an archeologist I received basic training for when I ventured off alone, but I now see that it prepared me very little—" Garrus placed a hand on her shoulder and she fell silent. She followed his gaze to where a man was standing in front of his commander.

Shepard had stopped before the man, and Garrus gave him a once over as they quickly joined her. The human was in Alliance dress, with three gold stripes along his shoulders and was firmly blocking her path. The look of pure contempt on his face as he glanced over them made Liara shrink and Garrus bristle. He gave a firm salute to their captain. "Rear Admiral Mikhailovich. Fifth Fleet."

She saluted back. "Commander Shepard. SSV _Normandy_."

The admiral raised a brow and spoke with slight surprise. "You don't know who I am, do you Commander?" He didn't pause. "I command the 63rd Scout Flotilla. You and the _Normandy_ were slated for my unit after shakedown. Then the council got their paws, claws, tentacles, whatever …" He gave a dismissing wave and went on. "They got them on our ship. And you." He sounded especially displeased with the last fact. How important was Shepard among her people? She was pretty well known on the Citadel, so it had to be double with her own kind.

"No choice, sir. Had orders and Captain Anderson made it clear to me they came from high up in the brass. They say jump, I say how high." While she didn't sound happy about it, she didn't sound upset either.

"Remember that when I tell you to jump."

Garrus made a point of ignoring the rest of the man's speech until he actually came to the point of his presence. But he couldn't ignore how heatedly he referred to the Council—and turians—as he complained about the sheer cost of the _Normandy_ and what a waste it was.

Finally, he said, "I'm here to make an inspection, Commander. _Normandy_ is an Alliance warship. I intend to see she's up to snuff."

The Commander nodded. "She is. I'm sure you'll find everything in order, Admiral."

"I'll just bet. Wait here, I won't be long."

With that the admiral turned and walked up the docking plank. The commander watched him go and, once he was aboard the _Normandy,_ she turned to them. Her hands flashed over her omni-tool and Liara's beeped in response.

"I want you two to go buy supplies while I wait. No reason for us to fall behind schedule." Her fingers few over her tool. "I'm sending a list." This time Garrus' beeped. "And remember, never buy above cost." With the amount of money she had, Shepard could be amazingly cheap at times.

Garrus watched her for a minute before nodding. His mood was now far worse, but at least he wasn't stuck on the _Normandy_ with Admiral Sunshine. He entered the elevator, and Liara waved the commander good-bye as she followed.

After a minute of silence (he had long ago learned to block out the asari elevator music) he found himself talking to fill the void left by Shepard. "You're like that guy in the classic human vids." Great, now _he_ was rambling.

Liara looked at him. "Pardon?"

He shifted on his feet. "You're both archeologist and you're both—I mean for an archeologist, you …"

"I don't believe I'm following very well," the doctor said with bewilderment as she scratched her fringe.

He recalled her words on the docking bay and used them to explain. "You're prepared. As prepared as any of us can be for this. Don't … don't doubt it." The moment she let that doubt in would be the moment she started to second-guess herself. And that would only put the crew at risk. Put their commander at risk.

"Oh, I see." She looked away, and her face flushed in a similar fashion to Shepard's, only instead of a light dust of pink she had a rush of light violet. "Thank you, Garrus."

"No problem, Doc," he sighed.

The door opened and Garrus thanked the Spirits as they both hurried out. For once, they didn't talk as they headed for the markets. He took them through a short cut through the Academy and up to the Wards. He was stopped a few times by C-Sec officers and civilians alike wanting to say hello. Once at the transit he glanced at the list from Shepard and looked back at the clinic they just passed.

"We need a medi-gel upgrade. Wait here while I go—"

"I have the money."

He laughed. "Of course. Come on then." They doubled back and he entered the small familiar clinic. With it so close to the Academy, he had come here for quite a bit of patching up. He made it a habit to watch over this place once he was a full-fledged officer, as the back alleys of the Wards were just as close as the Academy and the head doctor had a heart bigger than her common sense.

"Dr. Michel?" he called out as he entered. Seeing the waiting room was empty he walked into the back room.

A red-headed human woman was standing in front of a vid screen, her back stiff, arms folded, and face defiant. "I need those supplies for my clinic. I can't!"

A distorted voice answered back, and he knew it was being electronically altered. A blackmailer. "You can and you will. Or your story won't stay secret for long." Dr. Michel's face fell. "Don't disappoint me, Doctor." The screen cut off, and she covered her face with one hand.

"Doctor?" Garrus approached slowly as to not startle her. "Are you all right?"

She still jumped as she turned to face them. "Oh, Garrus! I didn't see you there." She looked behind him. "Commander Shepard's not with you?"

He didn't let her change the subject. "What's going on, Doctor?"

"It's nothing. Just something from my past. I can—"

"Handle it?" He snorted. "Like I haven't heard that before." He gave her a firm stare and said, "Spill."

The red-head looked behind him. "It's okay, Garrus. You're not even C-Sec anymore."

"No, I'm working with a Spectre nowadays. Far more effective." He waved Liara to stand by his side. "This is Dr. Liara T'Soni. You can trust her. Now tell me."

She bit her lip before sighing. "Stubborn man."

"That is his defining trait," Liara said. Dr. Michel smiled.

"I was fired by my previous employer for giving out free medical equipment to clinics like this." She looked embarrassed as she looked between him and Liara. "They never filed charges. They just wanted me to leave without a fuss."

"Now someone's blackmailing you." Garrus scanned the room before looking back at her. "How bad would it be if this comes to light?"

"I could lose my license. My clinic." She ran a hand through her hair. "I have to give them what they want."

"And what do they want?" Liara asked.

"Medical supplies. A lot of it. Enough that my patients will suffer—"

"Where is the exchange happening?" Garrus asked as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

She worried her lip a bit more. "Garrus, please. If this goes wrong … It may be best to do as they say."

He gave a small chuckle. "This isn't the first mess I've gotten you out of. Have a little faith."

He held her gaze, and her shoulder dropped as she said, "It's at the lower markets today. With a merchant named Morlan."

Garrus grinned. "On it." He nodded at Liara, and she followed as he turned to leave. He looked back and called out, "I expect a nice discount when I get back, Doc."

The human forced out a laughed. "Of course."

Once outside Liara asked, "Are we contacting the commander?"

"No. This won't take long."

"Are you sure?"

"It'll be easier to debrief her once we fix the doctor's problem."

Liara shrugged. "If you say so."

Garrus headed to the lower markets. "I've done this a thousand times." After a moment he added, "Plus, she has her hands full with Admiral Sun—Mikhailovich."

"True." Liara smiled. "But you don't sound completely certain."

He wasn't. He was too used to letting Shepard call the shots. It felt strange to act without an order from her. "This won't take long," he repeated, and Liara let it drop.

They finally came to the market. Liara scanned the room. "Which one is this Morlan?"

"Him." Garrus pointed to a gray salarian merchant.

"Are you sure?"

Garrus smirked. "Yes." He headed over. Morlan brighten at the sight of customers.

"Hello there. Welcome to—" His eyes widened. "Officer Vakarian! I mean, it's just Vakarian now, right? Heard you retired—"

"Shut it, Morlan." The ashy salarian did as told and clamped his mouth shut. "And you're right; I'm not part of C-Sec anymore. Let's keep that in mind as you answer my questions."

"Ah turian, what do you need?" he quickly asked as he glanced away from Garrus.

"Are you expecting a delivery of medical supplies today?"

Morlan stiffened. "No, you know I deal mainly in arms—"

Garrus placed his hands on the counter and leaned forward. "And do you want to keep yours? Then don't play dumb."

Morlan wiped his forehead with his sleeve. "Actually, uh, yes, yes, a human doctor was going to sell me her surplus—"

Liara's voice was gentle as she approached the counter. "If we are here asking about it, surely you realize we already know. Honesty is your best hope at this moment."

Morlan's voice was pitchy and his bright eyes were wide with fear. "I don't … It's not … the doctor." His eyes started darting off to the side. "It's not _me._"

"Liara!" Garrus shouted as he shoved Morlan to the floor. The warping sound of her biotics assured him she got Morlan's warning as she pulled up a barrier. He turned as he pulled free his assault rifle and quickly counted a dozen armed merc flanking a large, blue crested, green-eyed krogan. Shots rocked the barrier as Liara and he fell back. The other merchants had already dropped behind their booths, but Garrus knew there was still a heavy risk to civilian life.

"I told Banes you'd screw this up, Morlan. Damn no dick salarians." The krogan sighed. "But talkin' to C-Sec? That's low."

Liara and him were behind Morlan's booth, and Garrus hoped the metal was thick enough to shield them.

"Sorry to disappoint," he called as Liara rolled off to the left, behind another booth. "But I resigned." He jumped up, spraying bullets and drawing their full attention.

"Ex-cop, dead cop. It's all the same." The lead krogan grinned as he returned fire.

Liara stood while the mercs aimed at Garrus and sent out a shockwave. The three humans in front staggered and Garrus pumped two shots into each—head and heart—and they fell. The rest took the quick loss of three as a warning and found cover. Liara dropped another merc as Garrus let his shields and weapon recharge.

"Are you two really ready to die over some human doctor?" the krogan goaded.

Liara was changing her position as Garrus called out, "And are you ready to die over some medical supplies? You know there's gotta be _some_ irony in this somewhere."

With shields at max he leaned around the edge of the booth, and his visor picked out two hiding mercs. Seeing one was a krogan he quickly switched to his sniper and picked him off. He switched back as Liara pulled another merc in the air, which he killed. She turned to take down two more as her shields fell, and her gun let out a warning beep at the same time.

The blue krogan charged her position just as the last four mercs charged Garrus. He stood and cursed as a wave of biotics slammed into him. They fired, and his shields dropped. Not having enough time to jump behind new cover, he fired back. He felt a few shots impact on his armor, and one made it through. Fire burned in his arm before his suit dispensed a unit of medi-gel and numbed the pain. Another shot grazed his fringe.

_Shit. If this goes to hell, she'll never trust me or Liara on our own again._

An asari war cry made him snap his head to the left as a wave of blue slammed into the group firing at him. Liara was standing with one hand firing at the charging boss krogan and the other still glowing with biotics. Garrus had time to drop the first recovering merc as he ran to her.

"Switch!" He charged past her and met the blackmailer head on as Liara whirled and fired on the last three.

The krogan was amused as Garrus dropped his rifle and grabbed him. "Are you shitting—" Garrus quickly dropped to one knee, letting the krogan's own charge carry him as Garrus flipped him. The ground shook as the metal of the krogan's armor hit the steel of the floor. "…_me_?"

In a flash Garrus had his sniper's barrel pressed against the krogan's skull.

Liara stomped her foot down on his stomach, making sure he did not catch his breath. She held her glowing hand palm out and said, "No, we are not." For a moment everything was silent as things calmed down.

"Damn." Garrus grinned as he pressed his gun harder on the now panicked krogan. "I think I just might love you, Doc."

"Yes, saving ones … ass tends to invoke those kinds of attachments." She smiled as she looked at him.

Garrus kicked the man at his feet. "So you must be head-over-heels for me with this big brute."

The 'big brute' took the chance to wheeze out, "Are you going to kill me?" Both of them looked down at him.

"I might," Garrus answered. "I don't like being tied."

"One more for the win?" Liara asked innocently as her hands flare.

"No! I'm just the middle man!" His green eyes were wide as he tried to squirm away from Liara and ended up closer to Garrus. "But-but I can guarantee not one will come after the human again! If you kill me then Banes will just send someone else."

"And what _guarantee_ do we have you'll keep your end?" he asked.

"I'm not a fool. You two tore through my best men. Why the hell would I want you to come after me?"

Garrus made a point of pressing his gun down as he hummed. "Leave Morlan alone and get the hell off of the Citadel."

"Shit—Yes, yes, whatever you want," he grumbled. Garrus stepped back, and so did Liara. The krogan made it a point to slowly stand as he gathered his gun and re-holster it. Without a backwards glance he walked to the door heading off towards Chora's Den. Just as the doors closed they could see the krogan break off into a run.

They both snickered.

* * *

"How did it go?" Dr. Michel asked tentatively.

"You won't be bothered again, Doctor." Liara smiled. For a brief moment the human was frozen, and Garrus flashed back to the last time he saved the women. He quickly moved behind Liara.

"Thank you! Thank you, Liara!" Dr. Michel flung her arms around Liara and spun her. "Oh, this is such a relief!" She laughed as she let go of the dazed asari and launched herself at Garrus. He planted his feet and caught the cheerful woman as she hugged him.

"I knew you would come through for me, Garrus! You always do." She grinned at him, and he laughed.

"Let's see how long you can go this time without getting into trouble, hmm?"

She pulled away with a wink. "No promises. Plus, maybe I enjoy having my knight in shining armor rescue me?"

Liara cleared her throat as she moved to Garrus' side. "We should be heading back soon."

"Right," Garrus agreed. "You should know, Doctor, the name of the man who tried to blackmail you is Banes."

Her mouth stretched into a thin line. "Armistan Banes?" She hummed. "Must be. We worked together a long time ago."

"Same place that asked you so nicely to get the hell out?"

"Yes. But last I heard he was working with the Alliance in the Transverse."

"The commander may know of him," Liara said as a reminder that they were pressed on time. Morlan had been _very_ generous with a discount, so all that was left was the medi-gel upgrade.

"But why would an Alliance doctor go through all this trouble to blackmail an old partner?" Garrus asked.

This wasn't making much sense. Dr. Michel's clinic was small and, while a local crime unit may be able to profit from the amount of supplies demanded from her, Banes was risking far more than he was gaining. The motive, Garrus thought, had to be fueled by some kind of revenge.

"I don't know. There was never any animosity between us."

"None?" he pressed.

She shook her head. "I really don't know."

So what caused an Alliance doctor to risk his job and blackmail a small clinic on the Citadel run by someone he had ties to and could easily place his name? "I'll dig into it a bit more and let you know if I find anything."

"Thanks again, Garrus. Liara." She waved her hand over to her medical supplies. "Now didn't I promise you two a discount?"

* * *

"Did you see how scared he was of you?" Garrus laughed as the elevator doors opened. "When you mentioned a tiebreaker? _Spirits_." He laughed again as he patted Liara on the back. "I've never seen a krogan so scared."

"He wasn't that scared," Liara said as she lightly scratched her cheek with a small smile.

"Or how 'bout your 'good cop' back there, with Morlan—"

"And we need to talk about your crew, Commander."

"_He's still here_?" Garrus' jaw dropped as they slowly came up behind Shepard and the admiral. "We've been gone for _hours_. Has he been talking this whole time?"

"I wouldn't doubt it," Liara mumbled as they flanked Shepard, who turned and nodded to them both.

"Krogan? Asari? _Turian_?" While the admiral didn't look at Liara when he said asari, he did give a pointed glare at Garrus when he said turian. "What are you thinking, Commander? You can't allow alien nationals free access to Alliance equipment." The man would have had a fair point— having non-Alliance on an Alliance warship would be worrisome—if only he could say at least two words without glaring daggers at him and Liara. Garrus notice that Liara wasn't shrinking under the man's sneer anymore.

"Sorry you feel that way, sir." Garrus' eyes snapped to Shepard's face as she spoke. "But with Saren and the Geth, we have enough enemies. Nothing good will come of treating other species with distrust. And it certainly won't win over hearts and minds." She sounded almost … _annoyed_. It was in the very slight tightening of her tone and showed with the flex of the muscles in her neck.

"Hmm, that's assuming the hearts and minds are worth winning. That hasn't been proven yet."

"With all due respect, _sir_, it has been proven to me." Shepard was the perfect soldier to the point any turian unit would _kill_ to have her. So it was a testament to how far his commander had been pushed for her to color her responses with her opinion so openly.

"Anything else you want to add as justification to the state of this vessel?"

"No sir."

"Very well. I'll be submitting a report to the Joint Military Council." His eyes traced over her crew. "I cannot say what the overall tone of it will be, but I doubt anything will come of it with Council interference. But know you and your crew's interactions are something of interest to many. More than it should be," he warned with a hit of concern that made Garrus wary. If _he_ was warning her, then it had to be serious. "And seeing that you are not just collecting your alien crew for show—that you actually trust them—it's hard not to trust a hero's judgment. Happy hunting and make us proud, Shepard." He saluted her. She returned it.

"I will, sir."

Mikhailovich left. The commander let out a long sigh. They were quiet for a moment as she watched the admiral walk away.

"Some shipments arrived. I assume everything went well?" she asked without looking at them.

"Yes, Commander," Liara answered.

"I see." Her lips twitched as she glanced at them from the corner of her eyes. "Would either you happened to know why C-Sec is billing me for _corpse_ disposable and damages to _several_ merchant booths?"

They both froze.

"And why were half the cases covered in blood?"

They could only stare dumbly.

"And _why_ did the medi-gel upgrade have a little heart drawn around a turian and asari face on it?"

Garrus found his voice and said, "Ah, that last one's Dr. Michel …"

"Who?" She shook her head. "Know what? I think I'm better off not knowing." She turned to the _Normandy_. "I think I need a nap." She stretched her arms as she walked away.

Liara sighed out as her shoulder dropped. "A thousand times, huh?"

"Yeah …"

"You know, you still need to ask her about Banes."

"… Damn."


	6. A Home for a Nomad

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Renting

* * *

Chapter Six

A Home for a Nomad

Garrus wasn't sure what to make of the scene before him. It had started typical enough. Shepard had received her weekly shipment of new equipment. There was nothing really notable about it. In fact, this shipment was the smallest he had seen. It was to which she tore into it with such haste that had him puzzled.

Garrus wasn't the only watching but, as the closest, it seemed to fall to him to investigate if Williams' and Wrex's glances at him were anything to go by. Getting closer to his commander only proved to perplex him more once he saw the contents in the crate; a lone box was suspended in a mini mass effect field. That shipping method alone was pricey, so the contents had to at least be double that value.

Shepard reached in and deactivated the field while bracing the box in one hand. Garrus was close enough now to see the commander's face, and it was twitching with repressed excitement. The box was moved with a steady, slow hand as she placed it on her lap. He squatted down next to her as she opened the plain box to pull another marked box from inside. She opened it.

Garrus felt his jaw drop.

In her hand was a scale model of the SSV _Kilimanjaro_. It was impressive even in miniature form.

The commander ran a gentle hand along the plastic window as excitement was replaced with awe. Garrus found himself unable to look away from her face. How her eyes were wide and bright, and how her strangely full lips had dropped into a small 'o'. How open she was. No mask, no act; just happiness.

She didn't even realize he was next to her, did she? Suddenly Garrus felt like an intruder. This wasn't meant for him to see. No one was meant to see this. Nervousness leaked into him as he tried to think of an escape, but, as he seemed to have self-destructive tendencies, he cleared his throat instead.

The noise broke her trance. She turned and gave a slow blink as she took him in. He gave a half wave at the box. "That's nice," he said lamely. "I didn't know you collect."

"I don't." The pause was long enough for Garrus to think she was done talking, but she was not. "I never had the money or the space. Still don't have the space, but my Spectre status leaves me with more money than I can spend." Shepard looked down at the ship with an oddly fond look. "I just couldn't pass this up when I saw it." She sighed. "Maybe I'll send it to Hackett."

"No room? Commander, I've seen your cabin. There is nothing in there."

She looked at him again. "That's because it's not mine. I only have command of the _Normandy_ while dealing with Saren. The _Normandy_'s still Andersons." Her words were a bit listless. "Once this is over and Anderson is back on board I'm not sure where I'll go. I doubt a Spectre can go back to working solely for the Alliance. And the Alliance isn't going to let a Spectre run off with their best stealth ship."

Did she even want to be a Spectre? She mentioned before it wasn't her choice, but she had to still feel honored to be one. Right?

"You can drop it off at your apartment."

"Don't have one." Her words chilled him with their certainty. While he had always worked at fitting in, he always knew he had a home to return to. The way she spoke made it seem like she had nothing.

His first thought was to ask where her family resided, but the emptiness in her gaze answered him, and he blurted out, "I though Spectres were provided permanent residence as long as they're active?"

"… What?"

"Yeah, on a planet in the Phoenix System near Pinnacle Station, where they train new members …" Was he recalling that right? He had read everything he could get his hands on about Spectres back when he was a candidate, before his father had convinced him that being a police officer was his _calling_.

Shepard was giving him a funny look (he was still learning human expression since he didn't pay that much attention to his old human co-workers and had only learned the basic 'oh shit, run' look). Her mouth was twisted down with her jaw set, and one brow was higher than the other.

The model ship was thrust into his arms as she stood and stormed away. Garrus watched from his spot as the elevator door stole her from his sight. Blinking a few times, he tried to figure out what he had said to get the commander so worked up and where was she even going.

"What ya do to piss her off?" Wrex was enjoying his confusion as Garrus turned to look across the hanger at him.

"I told her she has an apartment."

* * *

Not knowing what to do with the box in hand and dead sure he would get hell if something happened to it, Garrus chose to keep it with him. The Mako was due for a tune up, and now was a good time to get started. He carefully placed the box in the co-pilot chair as he started a full systems check. He pulled up his omni-tool and set his visor to 'diagnoses and repair' to help speed things up.

It was not even an hour later when Commander Shepard returned.

With a sigh he pulled himself from his work. He had just gotten into 'work mode' and that wasn't the easiest thing to get out of. But it was helping that his earlier curiosity at her hasty leave was returning.

"Commander," he greeted as he sat on the edge of the Mako's open door. He was trying to focus on the even gaze of his commander and not on how much longer the system scan would go so he could begin to integrate the new program upgrades he had for the cannons. It would increase the accuracy by two point sixty-five percent and, if he calibrated it just right, he could add on another one percent. And that was taking into account Shepard's horrid driving.

"Vakarian! Garrus!" She snapped her fingers in his face and he jumped. "You didn't hear a word I just said."

He flustered. "Sorry, Commander." She gave him a nod to show him no harm done.

"It's fine. I was saying you were right."

"About what?"

"I have an apartment," she said it with a hint of excitement that almost made him chuckle. Then, with a near exasperated tone, she added, "The Council 'forgot' to inform me. It seems like I need to pass a Spectre test or something before I can actually live there."

"So out there, somewhere, is an empty apartment with your name on it." He grinned. "Let me know when you get the keys so we can break it in."

Her hand flew to her mouth as she tried to hide her smirk. Shit, not again! "I mean a house party … or warming … or …" He sighed in defeat and switched subjects. "Let me get your ship."

Damn his brain for glitching out around her. He hoped this wasn't going to be a regular occurrence. Garrus handed her the box as he continued to listen to her.

"Joker's driving us to Pinnacle Station now. I figure I need to get the test out of the way as soon as possible so my status can't be challenged." He nodded. "But the test isn't made for a single participant." He tilled his head in interest. He did remember reading something like that. "They're made for a three man team to tackle. But I'm the only Spectre in need of it." She shifted on her feet. "So either I would have had to wait for them to recruit two more, or—"

"Shepard, you don't even need to ask." Whatever challenge the Council was about to throw her way had to be more interesting than aimlessly wandering around the ship.

Shepard took a moment to absorb his words. "That not it. Not completely." Garrus was suddenly fearful he just made an ass of himself with his interruption. "Not just anyone can take the test, as passing it means you're a full Spectre. You're the only person on the ship that's qualified to take it. With your work at C-Sec and Saren, they're more than eager to make you a Spectre."

Garrus felt numb. Was he hearing her right? This seemed impossible. After years at C-Sec and thinking he'd given up his one chance to do real good, to have real power to make the galaxy a better place …

Spirits, his father would never speak to him again.

_You made this same choice last time for him_, his mind reasoned. _Now make it for yourself._

"You can take the test now and give them a final answer after we've stopped Saren. This isn't something to decide overnight."

"What do think I should do?" he blurted out. Why would it matter? Shouldn't this be his choice? Why weigh it with someone else's thoughts again?

Because he respected her, just like he did his father.

Shepard didn't seem surprised by his inquiry. "It doesn't matter what I think." It stung how easily she dismissed his question. "As it stands, they have agreed to let the two of us take it. It will be a hell of a lot harder with just us two, but I know we can manage."

It didn't occur to him to worry if they would do well with only the two of them. It had become so natural for him to fight beside her, to follow her commands with no thought, to watch her six ….

He laughed. "Of course we can manage! Have we met anything we can't handle together?" His grin slipped away as he saw the lines of her face soften and a small, true smile graced her pink lips. Her shift from _the_ commander to _his_ commander always took him by storm.

"No, we haven't."

* * *

Garrus leaned back against the fully stocked bar (if it was legal, it was there, and if it wasn't, it was still there). His armor was in a charred, bullet-ridden heap next to him. Only his black under-suit was still in one piece. The warm rays of the setting sun washed over him as he watched it sink behind the vast horizon. The turian rum was fire in his belly. It burned with the power of a star as he gave a content hum. The red glow of the room was peaceful, and it resurfaced old memories of his childhood on Palaven where he would spend late afternoons with his family and friends.

Playing, laughing, getting into trouble, enjoying life.

Looking at his commander next to him, he was sure it was still true.

Shepard had stripped down as well, only her under-suit was removed from her waist up to show a white tank top. Her armor was in a similar pile at her feet.

She was leaning back in the same manner as he with dark human liquor in her glass. The soft light was ablaze over her strangely colored human skin. Her short hair caught every beam of light and shimmered with every shift of her head. Her mouth parted as she took a sip of her drink. The ice clinked on the glass as she pulled it from her mouth, and her moist tongue flickered out to lick her dusty pink lips, which only made them glisten.

The light from the sun was dancing in her hooded eyes as she stared out the long window. He watched as her lips twitched into a smile, and she gave an appreciative hum. "I got a hell of a view."

He looked back at the rose colored desert and the fat falling sun. For some reason it had lost a bit of its color in his eyes.

"Yeah," he still agreed. "You did."


	7. Just a Bunch of Kids

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Renting

* * *

Chapter Seven

Just a Bunch of Kids

The mess hall was filled to the brim. Garrus cursed his luck that he happened to get hungry at the same time as everyone else (which really didn't happen often with different species). It was easier to eat without dealing with the whole crew shooting him curious glances. He knew it was partly his fault considering that after weeks on the _Normandy_, he was still a mystery to them. It was just he had no interest in getting to know the crew beyond the ground team. He worked with humans at C-Sec and anything he had wanted to learn about them he had done so there. If this crew had questions, they could ask him. Just like his human C-Sec partners did.

But if they just want to stare, then let them.

He gathered his food after it was rehydrated and scanned for a spot. There were quite a few seats around the only resident krogan. Garrus settled down across from him.

"And now the humans have two animals to gawk at," Wrex mumbled in annoyance.

Garrus grinned. "Strange. I only see one animal here. Did you bring a pet vorcha on board?"

Wrex's red eyes peered over at him. For such a hotheaded krogan his stare could be downright calculating at times. He seemed to weight Garrus' words before grinning. "You're not bad, turian." _What?_ "You're not going to live very long, but still, not bad."

"And why won't I be living very long?"

"That mouth of yours is full of shit, kid."

"Ah, but compared to being made of it, I think I'm okay with that."

They lapsed into the same mutual silence that had come to know, only now they didn't have a heated human woman glancing at them every two seconds. The shift in the crew's chatter marked the moment the commander exited her cabin. Garrus flared his mandibles in a quiet laugh as he caught sight of her. Even Wrex let out a small chuckle.

She gave a scan of the room and, seeing that the crew had packed themselves tightly together, walked over to him and Wrex. She sat down next to Garrus and let out a sigh.

"You look like shit, Shepard," Wrex said. Garrus snorted as his shoulders shook in his effort not to laugh.

Her hair was un-kept and her clothes wrinkled. Her top was unbuttoned to show her white undershirt, and her feet were bare. It was her face that was killing him though. She had the blankest look in her eyes and her cheeks were in a permanent pout. It looked like she hasn't slept in days.

"I hate paperwork," she said as her head hit the table. Garrus finally lost it. She pressed her cheek to the cool surface and gave him a one-eyed glare. "Keep it up, Vakarian, and I'm making you my secretary." He only laughed harder.

He jumped as she kicked his leg. With his armor, he was sure she hurt herself more than him. "Go ahead, Commander," Garrus drawled. "After years at C-Sec I have grown immune to the horrors of paperwork."

She grumbled something under her breath that sounded a lot like 'asshole'. Then she sat up and flashed him a dark grin. "Good. I was just taking a break; I have more than enough left for you to do."

Garrus felt his grin slip. She wasn't serious, was she? "I doubt Alliance regulations match up well with C-Sec's."

She snorted. "And I doubt I've been doing any of it remotely right. The brass would probably be relieved not to read my gibberish."

Wrex butted in with a grin of his own. "You dug your own grave, turian."

Garrus sighed in defeat as Shepard stood and yanked him along. She made to grab his food, but he shook his head as he picked it up and disposed of it. His appetite was gone. The puzzled faces of the crew did lift his mood a bit as he followed his commander to her room.

* * *

"I hate you for this," Garrus called out as he looked over at the human sitting on the couch. Data pads and loose papers were scattered around her as she tried to piece together relevant information. She looked up for a moment before going back to work.

"I love you too, Garrus." He narrowed his eyes at the humor in her voice before looking back at his terminal and resumed retyping another of Shepard reports. She wasn't kidding when she called it 'gibberish'.

"I need the files on the MSV _Worthington_," Garrus said. She came over and handed him the files, but didn't return to her spot. She leaned over his shoulder and scanned over his work.

"Looks like you found yourself a new job," she said, rubbing his armored shoulder.

He mumbled 'asshole' just loud enough for her to hear it, and she laughed.

Finally, she sat back down, and he went on to rework another pending report. It would be a lot quicker if she wasn't sending out two versions of her reports. One, high on detail, went to the Alliance, and the other, straight to the point, went to the Council ("They complained _I_ was too long winded"). Only the next report caught his attention.

"The Tenth Street Reds tried to blackmail you?"

She looked up at him and frowned. "You know the Reds?"

He noted the familiarity with which she said that. "Yeah, I've dealt with them a few times. They're anti-alien and can get pretty violent. Have a thing against turians in particular." He leaned back. "They spent a few months targeting C-Sec cops." He gave a small chuckle. "Even tried to corner me once; that didn't go so well for them."

She looked away. "They weren't always like that." Her frown vanished as she stared off at the wall over his shoulder.

He did not mean to pry, but his mouth couldn't be stopped. "You used to run with them."

Shepard nodded and forced a small smile. "Back on Earth, where I was born." He waited as she mulled over her thoughts. Garrus hoped she would continue. He only knew the same things about her everyone else did; Lieutenant Commander Shepard, War Hero of the Skyllian Blitz, first human Spectre, shining star of humanity.

Earthborn, ex-gang member Shepard was a near polar opposite.

If he had to guess at her upbringing, he would have thought she lived her life on ships with how at ease she constantly was in space, and was part of a military family with how quick she had climbed the Alliance ranks. Or maybe she was born as a colonist, and had lived somewhere in the midst of things with how easily she mingled with other species.

Earth was still pretty secluded from the rest of the galaxy and, like most home worlds, consisted of mainly their original species. He wouldn't be surprised if humans could live their entire lives on Earth without seeing another race in person. Even Palaven with its high radiation had enough visitors that by the time he was ten he had interacted with all major races.

He wondered; what was her first impression of the galaxy? He had grown up with it constantly around him. To him it was just _there_. Not good or bad, just there.

But when she left Earth, what did she see? What did a fresh set of eyes see? Was she disappointed? Was that why she joined the navy? To change it? Or did she want to protect it?

How did the humans see them all? They had only been around for thirty years. His father and mother both remember a time without them, and even Garrus remembered only meeting them several of years ago for the first time.

As much as the Council races wanted to claim that humans were too young and too new to understand how things 'worked', maybe the humans were the only ones who were seeing the galaxy for what it was without the veil of normalcy cast over them.

"The city I grew up in was a battle ground for two gangs," she spoke evenly in her normal 'commander' tone. Only her pauses showed this was something she was having a hard time reliving. "For years they tore up the city until one day … everyone who was sick and tired of living each day like it was their last just got together and … fought back." Her eyes were looking through him as she was lost in her memory. "We were orphans." _We?_ "I was fourteen when I lost my brother, and a hell of a lot of friends, to the fighting." She gave a gentle chuckle as she tried to pull herself from her thoughts. "I think it was my doing sometimes. I just wouldn't shut up and, one day, everyone felt the same.

"We named ourselves 'The Tenth Street Reds' because we won our city back on that blood-soaked street."

There was more he wanted to ask, like about her brother or what happened to her parents, if she even knew. How did she end up with the Alliance? Why leave Earth?

But he settled for his original inquiry. "And now they try to blackmail you and you write a report on it?" He didn't like how withdrawn she was.

Shepard's eyes snapped back into focus. "The Alliance is aware of my history with them. There is no need for me to hide it."

Garrus shook his head and tried to lighten the mood. "You tell them _everything_ you do?"

She took the bait and gave a thoughtful hum. "No … hm … Maybe …" Shepard softly laughed, and his shoulders eased a bit. "Shit, I think I do." Then she smiled playfully. "_But_ it's not just me."

She hurried over and leaned across him to pull up a file. It was full of reports that she had already sent off. One section was labeled 'personal review'.

Garrus grinned. "Oh, _now_ we're talking."

"You can only read yours," she warned, but he ignored her as he brushed her hand aside and pulled up Wrex's. "What did I just say?" she scolded without real heat.

Garrus scanned the file, and he grinned. "You think Wrex is just hiding his 'compassionate side' under his 'brass nature'?" She closed the file and glared at him. "Aw, how sweet."

He pulled up his own and he stared in disbelief. "You _did not_ tell the Alliance that I'm 'soul searching' and 'on a slow path to righteousness'." He looked evenly at her. "You are no longer allowed to write your reports. This sounds like a damn diary entry."

"I told you I suck at this."

Now morbidly curious, Garrus wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her down as he clicked on a random file.

"Hey!" She squirmed in his lap as he grinned at the now open report.

"'Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko'," he read out as she fought his hold, "'has shown a great mind for battle and has proven himself on the field. It would help if he did not show such a growing fondness for his commanding officer. His need to be 'friends' is okay at best, annoying as hell at worse.'" He choked on a laugh as he went on. "'He is also shows the same signs with Chief Williams. His lack of interaction with any alien crewmember is worrisome. As he's a pretty friendly guy, it seems odd he would not make friends with them.'"

Shepard had stopped fighting his hold and was now pouting. His arms wrapped around her as he laughed into her back. "I-I can't believe you wrote that!" His mandibles were starting to hurt. "Oh, Spirits, you are hopeless, aren't you?" He calmed himself and teased, "You know 'friend' isn't on his agenda when it comes to you?"

Shepard turned scarlet and pressed her face into her hands. "Oh, no," she groaned. "You see it too? Damn, I had hoped I was imagining it. Him and Liara are going to be the death of me."

That surprised him. He was sure that she was not aware of their interest in her as she had shown no sign of notice, but that was Shepard and her acting skills at its best.

"I don't want to hurt their feelings," she admitted with a sideways glance. "They're both nice enough."

"But?"

"Liara's just like a little kid sometimes. And even if I did, ah, swing that way, it would feel like I'm taking advantage of her." Swing what way? Alien?

"And Alenko?"

She shrugged. "I really don't know. Maybe it's how eager he is? Or the fact he hasn't even gotten to know me before he started looking at me with those puppy dog eyes."

"Puppy dog eyes?"

She laughed. "Um, like all the water in the universe has dried up and I have the last glass." Shepard leaned back and rested her head next to his.

"It's understandable. You are pretty badass."

She hummed in agreement. "Second only to you?"

"Of course."

It seemed odd that it was at this moment Garrus took in their position; Shepard was half curled in his lap, his head resting on hers and his arms around her waist, with her hands folded over his. Her breathing was evening out and he was sure she was near sleep, even as she rested on his hard armor.

The need to break the moment overwhelmed him and he blurted out, "Commander, if you don't mind, how old are you?"

"Twenty-nine," she muttered in half sleep. "How old are you, Vakarian?"

"In Earth years, twenty-five."

Her body shook with a laugh and she softly barked, "We're just a bunch of fucking kids trying to save the damn galaxy, aren't we?" She rubbed her head to his and mumbled, "Just a bunch of fuckin' kids."

Then his commander fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

Garrus did not let himself think about the current lines he kept crossing. He didn't let himself think about why she was opening up to him and why she was putting so much trust in him.

Why he was putting so much trust in her?

He pushed those thoughts away as he lifted his commander into his arms. She was heavier than he realized, even after having her in his lap. Shepard made a small noise of protest, and he froze, afraid she would wake up, and he was not sure how he would explain why she was in his arms. But she only curled tighter against him, her hands finding perches on his cowl and gripping him as she fell into a deeper sleep.

When _was_ the last time she slept? Garrus had crashed as soon as they returned from Shepard's apartment four days ago, and was out for near half a cycle before he could even pull himself up. Even now he was still feeling the fatigue from that brutal exam. Shepard, on the other hand, did not have the same luxury as him. She was needed around-the-clock, and it stood to reason her sleep schedule would suffer from it.

Garrus carried her to the bed in the corner. Placing her down he coaxed her hands loose and slipped a pillow into her arms, which she latched onto in his place. He folded the cover half way over her legs before making a full retreat.

He opened the door to leave.

_Are you kidding me?_ he thought as he took in the sight of a very startled Williams. He would have preferred Alenko to her. At least Garrus was on speaking terms with him.

Williams still had her hand ready to knock and her mouth was opened into an 'o' shape.

"The commander's unavailable right now." _Please don't let this get blown out of proportion._ Shepard had enough to deal with; she didn't need gossip on top of it.

"Weren't you just in a meeting?" she quizzed as she tried to spy past him. "If she's busy then _she_ can send me away." She made to move past him, but he blocked her way. Williams glared at him and pushed him to the side. "Commander, I need …" She caught sight of Shepard's sleeping form and her mouth dropped open once more.

Sighing, he pulled her out and locked the door behind him. "She had a long day and fell asleep. It would be best if you came back later."

The look she was giving him said 'you bullshitting turian', but she still gave a shallow nod.

Garrus walked away and made his way down to work on the Mako, as that was always a calming chore. He was annoyed to smell his commander's scent on him. Gun oil, soap, and her natural heady scent clung to his armor. The smell stirred something deep within him, and he wasn't sure he liked it.

* * *

**A/N:** I always though Earthborn/War Hero background was perfect for Shepard. The right mix of renegade and paragon.

Some people find War Hero to noble, but that's only a fraction of what he/she does later, so it's like the perfect résumé. Plus, both Shepard's from Akuze and Torfan were at Blitz (Lol I read it in the Mass Effect wiki awhile ago and was surprised, since I always assumed that they were the same Shepard, just different situations happening to them) and they did nothing in their timelines, so it's kinda hard for me to like their backgrounds...


	8. Push and Pull

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Renting

* * *

Chapter Eight

Push and Pull

With the Normandy docked at the Citadel, the crew was given five hours to handle anything they needed to. Shopping, personal problems, sightseeing … what he wouldn't give to be sightseeing. But sadly his task had fallen under 'personal problem'.

Or 'problem_s_'.

"Garrus!" A tall, dark-plated, female turian was waving frantically over a crowd of humans and asari. She was clearly doing it for show, as she easily towered over the mass. He groaned at his older sisters' behavior and tried to steel himself from her coming antics.

"Solana." He waved back as he walked over to her. They greeted each other with a light brush of mandibles and loosely clasping their forearms. "What are you three doing here?" He thought back to the conveniently timed message he had received. If it was only a day later he could have dodged this meeting.

"We're checking out a new treatment." A wave of nausea hit him hard and the urge to flee only increased. "This is a little cheaper but it's still in the trial phase. Might be worth it."

"Are you sure? I mean, I can send more money home each month, so Mom doesn't have to switch." He looked away from her bright red eyes and scanned the area, both hoping and dreading finding his mother. Would she be thinner this time? How pale were her plates? Could she walk without help? Was she able to keep down her food? Spirits, he remembered when one nasty treatment had left her vomiting anything that she tried to eat. For days they waited for the side effects to lessen only for the doctors to take her off the meds when she was near death, her plates gray and starting to peel …

There they were. Sitting at a café set away from the crowd were his parents. His mother and her bright blue-gray eyes found his, and he felt his shoulders ease at the sight of her. Her plates looked dark and healthy and her posture was strong. She waved him over with the same energy as his sister. His father was sitting as stoic as usual, his plates the same color as Garrus' and eyes red. His face brightened seeing Garrus and waved him over as well.

Garrus felt himself grinning; in spite of his earlier reservations, he was happy to see his family.

"Mom," he greeted his mother as she stood. His hands gripped her shoulder as they pressed their heads together. His father gripped his shoulder as they pulled away and Garrus returned the gesture. "Dad."

"Garrus." His mother took his head in her hands and examined his face. Once he had past her inspection she released him. "You look good, happy. Plates are a little pale, though." Her voice was even, he noted.

"Not feeding you well on the Alliance ship?" Garrus cringed at his father's words. A minute in and already his father had started. "You didn't even tell me you quit; had to hear it from Venari."

Okay, that _was_ Garrus' wrong. It was just so hard to tell the older Vakarian anything sometimes.

"Quitting was the best option. Talking a leave of absence seemed pointless, since tracking down Saren is taking more time than they would have given me—"

"Ah, tracking down a _rogue_ Spectre with a _rookie_ Spectre. I've heard that too."

Garrus could imagine the message Pallin had send his father. _Guess what your hot-head son did this time. He ran off with a human Spectre! I know, right?_ Pallin only put up with Garrus for as long as he did because of his ties to his father. It didn't matter how good Garrus was; when a turian questioned things as much as he did, it never put them in a very favorable light.

"Don't forget the geth army," Solana added. Garrus glared at her. _Not helping_.

She grinned back. _I know_.

"Do you know how this looks?" His father shook his head. "Running off with a half-crazed human who see visions?" How did he find that out? "If this turns into a fool's errand, do you think you will be welcomed back at C-Sec?"

"Sorry if that wasn't my biggest concern. Stopping the dirty Spectre seemed a tiny bit more important than if I would get my pension plan." He glared at his father. "And for someone who's retired, you sure know a lot."

"Enough." His mother sighed. "We didn't come to bicker." She gave a pointed look to his father. "We just came to check in. Sit." They all obeyed. Garrus sat next to his mother and sister and across from his father.

"Have you eaten?" his father asked. The fact that the man could drop all hostility from his voice and sound genuinely concern in the span of two second always aggravated Garrus.

"No," he grumbled

His father waved over a waitress and they all ordered lunch.

"So," Solana leaned on the table. "What's it like on a human ship? Can't imagine it's too comfortable."

Garrus settled back in his chair as he let his temper cool. "Things are a little _cozy_," he admitted. "But I have it easier than Wrex. You should see him squeeze into a chair. Funniest damn thing ever." His mood brightened at the image of Wrex being stuck quite a few times in human stock chairs. That is, if he didn't outright crush them.

"And Wrex is?"

"A krogan." Only his father didn't seem surprised. It made him wonder how much his father really knew.

"There's a krogan aboard?" His mother was intrigued. "Didn't know they took so well to small spaces." She smiled, and Garrus laughed.

"They don't. First two weeks he walked around with his shotgun until Commander Shepard all but ripped it from him; gave him a long lecture about proper behavior aboard a military vessel."

Solana leaned her cheek in her hand and asked, "And how many lectures have _you_ had?"

"Me?" He gave her his best shocked look. "You know I'm nothing but respectful to my commanding officers."

His father tried to hide his grin behind his hand.

* * *

It was clear his mother was playing inference to him and his father. Every time his father mentioned C-Sec and Spectres, she skillfully guided the conversion elsewhere. Normally she would let them hash it out. Let them bickering till they tired. So it was strange to see her play peacekeeper. But he understood. Who knew the next time they will all be together? With mission after mission, there was no guarantee he would make it back. After a while his father caught on and dropped the issue all together, but his underlining anger was still there.

Garrus told them about the Normandy and its crew. About the skilled brittle pilot whose quick thinking had gotten out of jam after jam. About the human doctor skilled in alien care and the young quarian on her pillage. The krogan warlord and the asari archeologist. The human gunnery chief and staff lieutenant.

The lieutenant commander.

And even though he tried not mention more than needed, he knew he was gushing about her. It couldn't be helped really. Not when every story ended with 'Shepard blew it up', 'Shepard ran it over', 'Shepard saw it coming', 'Shepard got them home safe', and—his favorite at the moment—'only Shepard knew it was the shifty looking cow'.

His stories had set a pleasant mood with his family. After all, a good war story was something appreciated by his people, and he had a hell of a lot for his short time on the Normandy.

When Garrus finally grew tired of hearing his own voice (two freaking hours later) and was set on finding out what trouble Solana had gotten herself into lately (and Shepard though _he_ was a pain in the ass. Ha! She should meet his sister), his father said something that shocked him.

"She sounds honorable; more soldier than Spectre." And that was all the approval he could ever expect from his father with regards to Shepard.

"_He wouldn't like you, Commander. No offense." _

"_That's too bad, he sounds pleasant enough." _Garrus still wasn't sure if she was kidding or not.

From behind him Garrus heard a crash and a cry of, "Oh, Keelah!"

"Try not to break anything, Tali," a familiar, even voice replied.

"Maybe if you were not stacking things on me like some type of moving mech ..."

"Skipper, is this really necessary?"

"This does seem a bit much. Do we really need all this?"

"I don't hear Liara or Wrex complaining."

"I am only carrying your data pads. Please, Shepard, I am more than capable of carrying my equal share."

"How 'bout helping me down here then—oh look!"

No way. Just no freaking way. Commander Shepard was _not_ behind him. Commander Shepard was not behind him and neither was the _Normandy_'s crew. Just no.

No.

"Garrus!"

_No. _

Reluctantly, Garrus turned. Then fell over in his seat laughing.

Tali—who had called his name—was sitting on the ground in the middle of various boxes and cases that she had dropped. Her arms were folded in a way that made him think she was pouting. Kaidan and Ashley all had their arms full with a similar amount of items looking about as happy as Tali. Liara was holding a stack of data pads, looking much put out.

But he wasn't laughing at them.

Wrex had near twice the amount of cargo to carry and, with his shorter arm-to-body ratio, Shepard had found a way to compensate for it by strapping everything to Wrex's hump with a rope.

The krogan was not pleased, to say the least.

Shepard herself was only carrying one large black case. She held it easily with one hand as she stared down at a data pad in her other. At the racket he made, her eyes lifted up from the screen and met his. A sharp jolt of energy shot through him, and it confused him long enough to calm down quicker than he normally would have.

Oh, no … did he have to _introduce_ people now? Maybe they would keep going.

"Garrus," the commander greeted as she approached.

Ah, where was a geth attack when you needed one? Stand. He should probably stand.

"Commander," he said as he stood, and she stopped in front of him. Liara helped Tali pick up her fallen pile before they joined them. The others took a bit longer to shuffle over and he could see it was mostly from fatigue with their worn out looks.

Before Garrus could introduce his family Tali was shoving a long black case at him. "This is yours! Don't know how you weaseled your way out of this, but I'm not carrying your gear … anymore…" Garrus had gestured behind him at 'how you weaseled', and she trailed off as she looked over the three amused turians. "Oh … Keelah." She covered her mask and shook her head. He had to admit she was cute when she was embarrassed. "I'm just going to stand over here quietly and die." She slipped away to stand behind Wrex.

_Ah, yeah, intros. _"Um, Commander Shepard, this is my father and mother, Silvanus and Venita Vakarian." They both gave respectful nods.

"Sir, Ma'am," Shepard said in return.

"And my sister Solana." Quick as lightening Solana was on her feet with her hand reaching out for a friendly shake. Shepard took it without pause.

"It's a _pleasure_ to meet you." Solana's voice would sound neutral to Shepard, but Garrus could hear her playful undertones, and he felt a wave of anxiety hit him.

"Likewise, miss." Garrus could see Shepard's shoulders were stiffer than normal.

He named to rest of the crew and they all gave civil responses, even Wrex and Ashley. Then, before things could laps into an awkward silence or Solana could open her mouth, Garrus looked at Shepard and asked, "What exactly did I 'weasel' my way out of?"

"Being a pack mule," Kaidan grumbled.

"We're only docked for another two hours and it takes too long for the stores to ship it personally to the _Normandy_." Shepard's lips quirked into a small smile. "Unlike you, they all stayed on the ship; had to make them do _something_ productive today."

"Because this morning's siege on the _Cornucopia_ doesn't count?"

"Can't live in the past, Vakarian." She placed her case at his feet next to the case Tali had shoved at him. "You might as well take your armor as well."

"Armor?" He looked down at the black case. "I didn't need …"

Shepard laughed. "No? You planned on wearing that charred heap out on the next mission?"

"No." He clicked his mandibles. "I planned on wearing one of the other _ten sets_ you've bought me."

"They're outdated."

"Since when? Last week?"

"Actually, yes," she said matter-of-factly. "This medium Phantom Armor has the best protection for turians with—"

"Wait. THE Phantom Armor manufactured by Serrice Council?" Solana said with glee. "That's not even available to, well, _anyone_. Hell, Garrus, if you don't want it I'll gladly take it off your hands. You know this is first set of armor that they've produced? And only for turians too."

"Yes," Shepard said. "They're mainly known for their high quality bio-amps; best on the market. I hope their armor turns out the same."

"Oh don't worry, Commander. It will take a hell of a lot to damage this armor." She grinned. "Even Garrus is going to have to work at it."

"Oh, it defiantly won't be from a lack of trying on his part."

"Damn walking target, isn't he?"

"You have no idea," she said, exasperated. Liara and Tali giggled. "His last set, the Janissary Armor—"

"From Hahne-Kedar Shadow Works? They only sell to the Alliance, right?"

Shepard nodded and went on. "Can't even scrap it." Both Shepard and his sister shared a look that was full of remorse at the loss of the armor.

Garrus had settled back into his seat, as he knew both of them well enough that this wasn't going to end anytime soon. As long as his father didn't—

"Which version?" his father asked as he leaned on the table with both elbows.

Shepard gave him her full attention. "Upgraded to IX."

"The Janissary has nearly no tech and biotic protection. The Phantom Armor is superior; you would have upgraded none the less."

Could Garrus bang his head on the table now? It was not like anyone was paying any attention to him at this point other than his mother, who kept glancing at him for some reason.

"True," Shepard agreed.

The next twenty minutes were filled with Shepard's descriptions of their current armor and weapons, Solana's excited chatter as she agreed or disagreed with her finds, and his father's careful overview of each upgrade Shepard made. This was only a jarring reminder of how in touch both of them were staying with military equipment even though they had both given that life up in favor of caring for his mother. From the sad gaze his mother was giving his father, he knew she realized it too.

From behind his commander, Liara let out a small groan and sat down the cases and boxes she had. Solana tilled her head to the side and said, "I'm surprised you just don't use your biotics."

Shepard frowned. "Biotic displays aren't allowed on the Citadel."

"As I recall, Spectres aren't restricted by those regulations," his father baited.

Shepard turned a curious gaze to Garrus. He hooked his arm over the back of his chair and looked up at her, happy to change the subject. "You know nothing about your Spectre privileges do you?" he said with amusement.

She shrugged. "It's not like there's a manu—there's a manual, isn't there?" She sighed. "I swear the Council likes watching me guess my way through this." Shepard looked back at her crew. "And don't any of you dare use your biotics. If we're going to break a rule, then it better be something a hell of a lot more impressive than hovering boxes in the air."

"'Commander Shepard, box floater' would be a bit of an anticlimactic C-Sec report."

Shepard gave him a flat look before turning to his mother. "Has he always had that mouth of his?"

His mother laughed. "Just like his father, I'm afraid." She smiled at Solana. "Both of them."

Solana grinned back. "Aw, Mom, you know we get our wit from you. Now our _fabulous_ sniping abilities, that's from Dad."

Shepard laughed. "I see cockiness is a family trait," she muttered to Garrus as she grinned down at him and she rested a hand on the edge of his chair. He flared his mandibles in return. "But I guess if she's as half as good as you, then it's well earned."

"_Half_ as good sounds about right," he said, and his sister sent him a mild glare. Shepard's eyes lingered on his a bit longer than normal before she turned back to his family.

"It's been a real pleasure meeting you all, but we still have errands to run and we're pressed for time." She clasped her hand on Garrus' shoulder before stepping away. "See you back on the _Normandy_, Garrus."

She shook hands with each member of his family before she finally parted. He watched his crew go before turning back to his family. They were staring at him.

"What?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Nothing," both his mom and Solana chirped. Then his mother added, "The commander is nothing like I imagined. Smart, reserved, level-headed."

"Good eye for gear," Solana said.

"She seems … fond of you," his father said in a tone he could not place. "And you of her."

"Of course." He wasn't sure what his father was getting at. "She's a hell of a CO."

Something flickered in his father's eyes before he could catch it. "Of course, son."

* * *

Garrus made it back to the _Normandy_ with only a few minutes to spare. He parted with his family with a heavy heart. He had promised to keep in contact like normal, and had pulled Solana aside to figure out how much money was needed to keep his mother on her current treatment. They both agreed that she looked too good to risk switching. Even though Solana argued that he still needed money for himself, he made it clear that Shepard provided everything he needed. He could afford to give his whole Alliance pay to them until his tour was over. She reluctantly agreed.

"Cutting it close, Vakarian?"

Garrus pulled himself from his thoughts. The hanger was the same dull red and blue. Wrex was passed out in his corner, his chest rumbling in his sleep. The requisition officer (Hobbs? Miller? Hmm, he really needed to spend some time with the crew if he didn't even know the name of the man who stood twenty feet away from him every day) was near the Mako, opening crates and placing new parts for the metal beast near Garrus' work station. Shepard was the last occupant. She sat next to the lockers surrounded by gear. She was leaning back on her arms as she let her head fall back, looking at him with a coy smile over her shoulder.

"Commander." Walking over he sat his items down, and wasn't too surprised when she started opening them. He sat down in front of his open locker, which she had emptied of the older armor he had planned on using, and began to unpack his new set. After a moment of silence he blurted out, "This isn't necessary."

She sighed as she looked up from the case. "I told you, this armor—"

"No, not the armor." He stared at a shadow-covered corner in his locker. "Or the new assault rifle. Or the weapons mods or the armor upgrades." Why was his tone so heated? "_This._" He waved at her and his locker. "You don't need to do this. I don't—" _deserve any kindness._

Because here he was, sitting on an Alliance ship, and his sister was struggling to hold everything together. He was getting pampered with everything he needed and wanted, and his father was watching his mother die bit by bit every day, unable to do a damn thing about it. He had to retire early to be by her side when the time came, and not stuck behind a desk.

And Garrus was still running. He couldn't bring himself to say it even after all these stolen years. _My mother's dying, Shepard, and I'm too weak to stay by her side like my sister and father. She'll die and I'll be off playing hero._

Death wasn't something he could deal with. It was the reason he never grew close to anyone at C-Sec or on his military tours. Never look back, he reasoned. Be able to drop your ties and move on without remorse. It would be stupid to expect everyone going into a fight would make it back out.

But now he did, all because of Shepard and her ability to do the impossible. All because they had been in situations worse than he could ever imagine and they always came out more tired than hurt. Because now he knew Tali's favorite color changed as often as a cycle and was now hot pink. That Liara giggled every time someone said 'embrace' or 'eternity', and that Wrex smiled every time someone made a headshot. That Kaiden tended to put his foot in his mouth as often as Garrus, and Ashley … damn, Ashley _wasn't that bad_. She was a stone cold bitch at times, but still not bad.

"Garrus."

Shepard had moved in front of him without his notice. She was on her knees, leaning towards him with one hand on the ground, the other cupping his jaw.

"Garrus, I …" She bit her lip.

Spirits, he must look a mess. This was why he hated seeing his family. He couldn't hide from his guilt during the aftermath. No matter how well a visit went, he still left them in the end.

He made himself focus on Shepard's eyes, bright and wide with worry. How her hand was strangely warm and soft, and her thumb was rubbing small circles on his cheek. She was _so_ close, and her voice was the only thing he could hear over the rush of his blood and the jump-start of his heart. She wasn't even mad because of his words, only confused. He could see she wanted to ask what was wrong, but the words were stuck in her throat.

Then she slid closer. Her hand added a small bit of pressure to his jaw that made his head tilt down. Her eyes darken and her lips twitched.

"Commander?" His voice sounded wrong, too hoarse and shaky.

Her eyes snapped back into focus. She beheld his blues before she gave a half smile. Her hand left him, and she moved to lean back against the lockers. Shepard scratched her cheek as she looked away. Even in the red light he could see her face was flushed.

"It was nice meeting your family," she offered as a topic. "I hope I wasn't being to forward earlier when I came over."

"Ah, um, no." Garrus grasped at the conversation. "They enjoyed meeting you too." What was she about to do? The only plausible thing he could think of was her trying to mimic him from before with his offer of comfort. The _other _thing was, well, not something that could happen. "Even my dad liked you." He tried to make his voice lighter.

Her knees were bent, and one fell to the side where it bumped his and stayed. "I liked him, too." His commander smiled at him and then looked at the floor as she scratched her cheek again.


	9. It Wasn't For the Doc, Just the Officer

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Renting

* * *

Chapter Nine

It Wasn't For the Doctor, Just the Officer

The crick in Garrus' neck was a persistent little bugger. Flexing and rolling his shoulders didn't help. He just ended up agitating his cowl on top of his neck. His fringe was also aching from his fitful sleep on the human bed. Every joint creaked with each step and his muscles protested when he moved too fast. Overall, he felt like a varren's chew toy. It was due to pride alone that made him head down to run a systems check on the Mako—like the commander had asked—and not send someone else in his place. For the first time he found himself wishing to sit the next ground mission out. He could live without knowing what was on Edolus.

Entering the cargo bay, Garrus scanned the room and saw the only missing occupant was Williams. Wrex greeted him with a nod that Garrus returned as he walked to the Mako. He took a quick glance at the new parts for the vehicle and saw none he was willing to attach before the next mission, since he didn't have time for a test run and, hopefully, wouldn't be present to check their performance with Shepard at the helm. Garrus adjusted his omni-tool and visor as the steel door to the Mako lifted opened.

"What the hell?" Garrus sighed.

"Shush, man! You'll give us away," _Normandy_'s pilot hissed at him as he looked up from his hand of cards.

"This really wasn't the best spot to begin with," Alenko said as he took a drink of something fizzy and sweet smelling from a can. "You should just apologize."

"No! I didn't _do_ anything!" Moreau glared at the biotic. "You were there!"

Alenko shrugged. "Yeah, but Ash can drag things out pretty far. Either you apologize or she will catch you with _your_ pants down."

_Okay, what?_

"It was the men's restroom, for fuck's sake! Just because she didn't want to share a shower with T'Soni—which would have _rocked_, by the way—doesn't mean she can go wherever the hell she wants."

"She locked the door, and you hacked it," Alenko countered.

Now Garrus was completely lost. "_You_ hacked the door, Moreau?"

The pilot sent him a mild glare. "Joker. It's Jo-_ker_," he slowly sounded out.

"Because you're _hilarious_," Garrus mumbled, rolling his eyes like a human to show his annoyance. He really didn't have all day for this. The _Normandy_ wasn't very big, but there _had_ to be somewhere else for them to hide out. Although, if Williams found them here in the cargo-bay, right under her workstation … that might be worth sticking around for.

Kaidan laughed. "Oh, he is right now."

Joker ignored both of them and went on, "And I have the override codes for the whole ship. She is my baby, after all."

"Then shouldn't you be flying her and _not_ hiding in the Mako?" Garrus asked as moved to the control console at the side of the Mako. He typed in his access code, and the control panel fully powered on.

"Yes, I'm going to fly her while docked at a refueling station. I'm that damn good."

"Still not funny," he responded as he started scanning the docking clamps, since that was something he could do without crawling inside and kicking the two humans out.

"My brand of humor doesn't translate well cross-species." Joker shrugged as he returned to their card game.

Kaidan glanced sideways with a light cough and took a sip of his drink. "Or in-species."

"There you are."

Joker jumped before he recognized the voice. The look on his face had Kaidan pressing his hand to his mouth to stop the liquid from spilling out as he laughed.

"Commander," Garrus greeted a bit stiffly.

He was feeling guarded for some reason. Yesterday's visit from his family and Shepard's odd behavior afterwards had ensured his sleepless night. He was the one who had started stepping over boundaries with her. So who was he to be uncomfortable when she did the same thing back?

_And it _was_ the same thing_, his mind reinforced. She was only trying to help; it wasn't her fault she wasn't well practiced at it.

The commander stepped close enough to peer into the Mako to see who he was taking to, and she ended up brushing against him. He backed away to give her space, and he saw the slight raise of her brow as she looked at him from the corner of her eye. Could nothing get past her? Did she have to see _everything_?

"Having a party, I see." Shepard crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one foot. Both Kaidan and Joker gave her sheepish looks. "This wouldn't have anything to do with Williams tearing up the CIC and crew deck, would it?"

"Uh … maybe?" Joker laughed tentatively as he adjusted his cap. "May also have to do with why the men's restroom door has a dent in it. But alas, some mysteries are just meant to go unsolved."

Shepard looked pointedly at Kaidan, and he crumpled. "Ash was about to use the men's room to shower. Jeff unlocked the door and walked in on her half-dressed."

"Traitor! Bros before hoes, man!" Joker yelled while pointing at the biotic, his cards scattering in the air around him.

Shepard let out a dark chuckle. "Are you calling your commanding officer a 'hoe'?"

"I believe he did, ma'am," Kaidan deadpanned. Garrus was finding it hard not to laugh at the look on Joker's face.

"No—I—_and hey_, I didn't know she was in there! You make it sound like I did it on purpose!"

Shepard grinned as she leaned her hip on the door frame. "I wouldn't put it pass you, Jeff."

Joker threw up his hands in defeat. "Traitors, all of you." He sighed. "Just tell Ashley to suck it up and shower with the blue doc and it won't happen again."

Shepard's eyes flashed as her grin slipped. "I see."

Joker's shoulders slumped, and he looked away like he didn't mean to tell _why_ Williams was in the restroom in the first place.

Seeing that the playful mood was gone, their commander turned to Garrus and got to the reason she was looking for him. "I had asked Captain Anderson about the man, Banes, a week ago." He nodded. "It … didn't make much sense. Not with what you told me."

"What did he say?"

"Armistan Banes is dead. Has been for a while."

"What?" Garrus' tired mind suddenly flared to life. "And I'm guessing 'a while' means more than two weeks?"

The commander nodded. "His death was classified. Anderson suggested talking to Rear Admiral Kahoku since it was his team who found his body. I finally got ahold of him this morning, but he wasn't much help. A few of his men are missing and he's been trying to locate them…"

"Let me guess; same team that found Banes' body?"

"Yes."

"Oh," Joker whispered theatrically. "The plot thickens."

Shepard rolled her eyes and went on. "They were last seen in the Sparta system."

"And you think the distress signal we picked up is them?" Garrus asked.

"Hopefully. Is it possible that it is a different Banes you're looking for? Dead man can't exactly blackmail, you know."

"Maybe." Garrus rotated his shoulders before he crossed his arms and leaned his weight to one side. "I'm just working from 'Banes'. It was Dr. Michel who thought it could have been Armistan since she worked with him." He waved his hand to show this really was all up-in-the-air.

"Or maybe he's not dead," Kaidan said grimly.

"A cover up?" Shepard frowned as she started to pace. "Why go through all that trouble and surface again just to blackmail a small clinic?" Shepard stopped and narrowed her eyes at him. "What's your Dr. Michel into?"

"She's a bit naïve at times," he stood taller, "but not corrupt. I'm just trying to keep her safe."

Her eyes scanned his for a moment before she nodded. "All right." Her lips forced a smile. "We'll keep your doc safe then."

Garrus wanted to say that Michel wasn't _his _doc, but it felt unnecessary. He was going to _have_ to get on the ground team now. If he let Shepard go without him and she came back empty handed, there would always be the doubt that someone on the team overlooked something he would have easily spotted.

"Take me planet-side?" he asked.

"Of course." Shepard turned, most likely about to ask Kaidan if he was up to coming, when the elevator's door opened and Williams stormed out. She had the sense to calm down as Shepard caught her eye across the room.

The commander glanced back at the now nervous Joker, then shot Garrus a quick smirk. "What'd I tell you? Kids, all of them." Then she yelled across the room, "Gear up Williams! You're coming planet-side."

* * *

The Mako slammed into the sandy ground, and Williams cursed from the gunner's chair. "Thrusters, ma'am! _Thrusters_!"

"It's a lost cause," Garrus yelled into the back as he squirmed in the co-pilot's seat. He hated not manning the cannons, but the gunnery chief had priority over him and Ashley loved the Mako's guns as much as him. Plus, the seat was bigger. His already weary body was protesting to the small space.

Garrus brought up the scanned map of the area and located the distress beacon. He marked it, and a pulsing white flag appeared in the middle of Mako's windshield, indicating that the source was straight ahead.

_A straight line_, he told his aching back. _She just has to drive in a straight line._

The commander gunned it, hitting the embankment not twenty feet ahead at full speed and causing the Mako to rocket into the air. It spun around once before slamming back down. She didn't slow as she rumbled up the incline. Once at the top the Mako shot over it, landing on just the left wheels. Shepard drove a good distance like that. Not for the first time Garrus found himself thankful for the Mako's artificial gravity.

The Mako fell back on all wheels as Shepard cleared another small sand dune and something metal came into view. They moved closer and Garrus felt his mandibles flex.

"Are those bodies?" he asked.

Then the Mako jerked violently. Too used to Shepard's driving, the action didn't send off any warning bells until a pillar of black dirt and dust shot into the sky.

"It's a maw!" Ashley yelled as the sounds of cannon gunfire erupted. A horrid screech vibrated through the Mako. It turned towards them as bullets rained into the tan hide stripped with bright neon blue and little dots of red. The creature swung its head side-to-side as it gave another cry.

Shepard gasped. "What the hell _is_ that?" Garrus' jaw dropped as he looked at the shocked commander. He had never seen her so surprised before.

"Thresher maw!" he yelled. "We need to move _out_ of its range before it spits acid, Commander!"

Shepard's expression swiftly changed from opened mouth shock into a near manic smile, and Garrus found himself swallowing hard. He wasn't sure what was more terrifying at that moment; the acid spiting maw, or his gleeful commander.

"It spits _acid_?" she asked, and the maw answered as it reared its head back and sent a green ball of acid past its blue tongue.

"Incoming!" Ashley yelled.

Shepard's grin stayed as they shot towards the giant maw. Ashley yelled a few things about Shepard going the wrong way, but she was ignored. They rammed it hard, the metal of the Mako cutting into the maw's body.

"Missiles!" Garrus bellowed up to Ashley. "Now!"

Two missiles launched, hitting the maw in the underside of its throat and ripping at the vulnerable flesh. Shepard threw them in reverse as acid showered around them, sizzling on the hull. Ashley laid into the maw as it cried out, blindly spraying acid in its pain.

A loud beep resounded through the Mako, alerting them that the missiles had reloaded. This time Ashley didn't need to be told as she launched them both at the mangled throat of the beast. It gave one last cry before it fell and laid still.

Garrus let out a breath as he looked over at Shepard, half afraid to see the crazed gleam still in her eyes. She was frowning now.

"I think I went too far. Poor thing suffered." She sounded truly remorseful, and Garrus gaped at her.

"You're insane," he whispered.

She turned to him. Tilting her head to the side, she asked, "You say something, Garrus?"

Her brow shot up as he broke down laughing, and Ashley's own laugher joined his as she came into the small cockpit. "What's so funny?" Shepard looked between them, confused.

Unsurprisingly, they both said the same thing. "We're alive!"

* * *

All three of them stumbled out of the Mako. It didn't take much to figure out that the marines were lured into a trap.

"Damn, a dead end," he sighed as they gathered the bodies to return to the Alliance. The marine's suits had remained mostly intact and it looked like the maw had batted them around a bit, finding them too small to bother to eat but still big enough to kill.

They loaded them into the Mako before checking the battered ranger the marines had driven. Finding nothing of use or value Shepard rigged it to blow, clearing Alliance property and taking out the distress beacon in one clean blow.

Once back on the ship, Shepard had four white transport coffins brought out from storage, and the marines were placed inside. They were left in the middle of the cargo bay, and Garrus found out the hard way that the coffins weren't air tight like turian ones; the smell of decay filled the area. The heat of the planet had quicken the process enough that the humans aboard couldn't smell it unless they were right next to them, but Garrus and Wrex could smell it from their respected places.

Wrex was clearly toughing it out, but Garrus wasn't. He shook his head at the Mako's half destroyed hull—thank goodness he had left off attaching the new upgrades—and left repairs for another day. He thought about heading to bed, but decided to head to the commander's room instead.

He knocked lightly on the door and waited for the ship's VI to inform her he was waiting. The door opened, and he spotted her by her bed sitting at her comm-terminal talking to someone.

"Yes. I believe that's her—actually, please hold while I check." Shepard clicked the screen and turned to him, waving him over. "Dr. Michel; she's that redhead from the clinic by the Academy, right?"

Garrus gave a slow nod. "You've bought upgrades from her."

"Not directly. Just from her assistants. We've never been formally introduced. Sit," she ordered as she turned back to her call. Garrus pulled a table chair over but just out of view of the screen as she resumed talking. "Yes, it's her."

"All right," came a quick voice Garrus knew belonged to a salarian. "With Spectre recommendation, we will accept Dr. Chloe Michel's clinic as a branch of Huerta Memorial Hospital. We will send her the forms to complete. We look forward to working with her." The feed cut.

Shepard leaned back and gave him a lopsided grin. "Guess there are perks to being a Spectre; no one dares to tell you no."

"Uh, Commander? What did you just do?"

"Just keepin' your doc safe." Again, the urge to say that Michel wasn't _his_ doc filled him before he brushed it aside. "You should probably call her and let her know."

"Know _what_?" He narrowed his eyes at her as he crossed his arms.

"Since your 'Banes' may or may not be dead, I figured it would be best to get some shielding for her. If she's a branch of the most well-known hospital on the Citadel, no one's going to be dumb enough to bother her no matter how much trouble she gets into."

Garrus felt like a weight was lifted from him. He really was worried over this, and Shepard had no idea what a relief this was. His eyes soften as he smiled gently at his commander. "Thank-you."

She was still not use to gratitude as her face flushed and she looked away, still wearing the crooked grin. "You're welcome, Garrus." She quickly stood up. "Well, you should call her and let her know."

Garrus sat in her seat and queued up the call. "Where are you going?" he asked as she tried to slip out the room.

"Just giving you some privacy …" she shrugged as she avoided his eyes, halfway out the door.

"This won't take long. Plus, I came here to write your damn report. The least you can do is stay." He shook his head at her and gestured at his previous chair. His commander awkwardly settled into it, and he had to wonder why she was acting so odd.

"Hello—Garrus!" He turned and met the happy eyes of the doctor. "Oh, what a pleasant surprise this is! And what do I owe this to? Bored out there saving the galaxy and need to see what us normal folk are doing?" Dr. Michel grinned.

Garrus chuckled. "I don't think killing a thresher maw counts as boring."

"My!" She gasped and her brow furrowed. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine."

Her eyes scanned him. "No you're not. You're moving stiffly, your plates are a little pale, and your flanging's off. Have you been sleeping? Clearly you're not getting enough protein in your diet. I know you're on a human ship, but surly they can provide correct nutrition. Unacceptable. Is that sweet little quarian girl aboard as well? Tell me they at least have a sterilized room for her to eat in. You won't believe how many facilities have sterilized food but no room; defeats the purpose if it's still exposed to the air." She paused for a breath, and Garrus quickly took over the conversation.

"You worry too much, Doc. Tali and I are doing fine. I was just calling to tell you Com—" Shepard was shaking her head 'no', "That I received word your clinic's being invited to join as a branch of Huerta Memorial Hospital. The paperwork should be sent over soon for you to fill out. I suggest accepting it. You're a top notch doc and it will keep some the heat off of you in the future."

Michel's mouth had dropped open. "I-I don't know what to say." Her eyes narrowed at him again. "Did you …?" Shepard was nodding 'yes', but he had no interest in taking the credit for this.

"I don't have that kind of pull, Doc. Someone must have noticed all your good work."

Michel looked away as she rubbed at the corners of her eyes. "Yes, that must be it." She gave a slightly choked laughed. "I must tell my staff the good news. Ah, thank you Garrus." She smiled at him. "And tell that Spectre of yours thank-you as well." Then she cut the feed.

Garrus stretched as he looked at Shepard. "Clearly she knew it was you."

The commander was looking hard at him. "You… do look tired," she said. Then mumbled to herself, "I didn't even notice."

"I'm fine."

"Does Tali really need a sterilized room?"

Garrus though back to C-Sec. "I think so. We had one at the precinct for when we detained quarian suspects."

Shepard's shoulders sagged. "Why didn't she say anything?"

"She probably didn't want to bother you. There's a lot of prejudice against her people. Most public places resent the extra effort that goes into catering to them. I've had a lot of calls that only consisted of 'there's a quarian here'."

"I rather have the extra work than have her fall ill on a mission." Her eyes flared and she jabbed a figure at him, causing him to jump. "Same for you! Next time you're not feeling up to par, tell me. That's an _order_, Vakarian."

"Yes, Commander." He looked away, embarrassed.

"And why aren't you sleeping?"

He swallowed as yesterday hit him full force. "Ah, well…"

"Yes?" she drilled.

"The beds, yeah, uh… they're too small."

"And are the rations not enough?"

He ducked his head. "To _survive_, yes." He could feel his mandibles quivering, and he was glad she was human at his moment. Having your commanding officer sound a lot like your mother was just down right humiliating. It was nice to know she cared, but this was too much.

"I'll deal with all this once we arrive at the Citadel. Now lay your ass down, Vakarian."

_Huh?_ "C-Commander?" He could only stare at her.

"I'm going to find Tali and ask why she failed to mention any of this to me. In the meantime, I want your ass in this bed and asleep."

"Uh…"

"It's twice the size of the bunks and we will be at the Citadel in a few hours. It's enough for you to get some rest."

"What about you?" She had to be tired as well (he was pretty sure she never slept more than a few hours at a time, and he knew humans needed at least six).

She smirked. "_Why_, there's room for two."

"W-What?" he stammered.

Shepard burst out laughing and grinned. "Joking, I'm joking." She stood and walked away. "Why does no one ever get my jokes?"

Damn her. "Because you're insane," he yelled as the door closed after her. He could hear laughing even harder.

Maybe having his commander open up to him wasn't turning out to be the best idea. Not with all that crazy crammed in there.


	10. One Day She'll Disappear

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader:** Venn364

* * *

Chapter Ten

One Day She'll Disappear

A light hum woke Garrus. It was faint, too soft for his brain to immediately tell it apart from a dream. Not that he could remember having a dream at the moment, with the strange hum filling his ears. It changed in tone several times but never in volume. It was reminiscent enough of his subharmonics that he had to make sure he wasn't unconsciously making the sound.

Garrus slowly pulled himself up while rubbing his eyes. For a moment he just sat there on the bed as his senses came to him.

It was his commander making that sound.

The room was dark, he noticed. Shepard had turned off the main lights. The bright glow from the table she was bent over made him think she had removed her omni-tool and was working by its light. Her back was to him and her armor spread across the table, shining dully. She had a soldering gun in her hand as she dug around inside of it; whatever mod she was adding to her armor had her full attention as she failed to notice his movements.

She had removed her jacket during her work, leaving her in a white tank top. He could see the muscles and bones squirm under the skin of her back as she moved. One leg was drawn up on the chair with her and she would periodically pause at her work to press her chin to her knee.

Garrus wasn't sure how long he watched the shadows play across her back, but once he realized what he was doing he called out, letting his commander know he was awake.

"Is this what you do in your free time? Just work on your armor?" Her humming cut off as she sat up straight. Turning to face him, she hooked her arm over the back of her chair and pulled the pair of goggles she was wearing up on top of her head. She let it snap against her hair where it trapped the short messy strands at odd angles. The faint scar across her nose was prominent in the lighting and was oddly endearing as she smiled at him.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Shepard asked before frowning. "I didn't wake you, did I? It's only been four hours."

"No," he assured, "Four's enough." From the look she was giving him he knew she still had doubts. Now that he was properly rested, her concern made him laugh. "I'm good, Commander. Are we at the Citadel?"

She nodded. "I'm taking Tali out to arrange for the storage room off of engineering to be converted into her own private quarters." Shepard sighed and gave him a rundown look. "You know she said she liked eating with crew and that's why she didn't say anything? Of all things." She sighed again as she shook her head.

"She's stuck inside that suite; has to make up for it somehow. Could you imagine not being able to just… touch someone? That a cough can literary kill her?"

"A cough?" Shepard raised a brow and she mused over that for a minute. "Get dressed." He had removed his armor and was in his under-suit. "You need to pick out proper food."

The commander stood and stretched, popping her back in the process. She turned on the lights, removed her goggles and slid on her omni-tool. She moved over to her wardrobe and pulled out a clean under-suit. Garrus felt his mandibles flare in shock as she pulled her shirt over her head, her back long and lean with her arms over her head and a dark band cutting horizontally across it.

Quickly, he turned to pull on his armor. It wasn't uncommon for soldiers to dress around each other. His human bunk mates did it every day and at C-Sec, too, in the common room between shifts. Garrus tended to avoid dressing around humans. He's been asked 'where is it' and 'are you female' enough times to last him a very awkward life time.

Once his armor was back on he idly reviewed some messages on his omni-tool until he was sure she was fully dressed.

"Ready?" She asked as she came into his line of view. Her chest plate had noticeable welding from where she was working and he wondered what mod she had added that didn't just slip easily in, but the need to leave the commanders room had filled him and stifled his curiosity.

"Yeah," he said as he stood. "Ready."

* * *

"This is ridiculous," Tali huffed as she tugged on Shepard's arm. "Do you have to stop for every random person who calls your name?"

The commander gave a shrug. "I don't want to be rude and it might be important."

"_Has it_? Even once?" Garrus was sure the way her glowing eyes narrowed behind her mask meant she was glaring at the commander.

Shepard looked slightly sheepish. "Well, no, not today. But I can't just ignore—"

"Commander Shepard!" A voice called from behind them. Tali tugged harder on Shepard's arm as she tried to slow down. "Commander!" The voice tried again.

"Yes?" Shepard placed a hand on Tali's shoulder and the girl reluctantly stopped. "Can I help you?"

A young human woman rushed over—clearly in her late teens from her attire—and said, "Commander! I can't believe it's you!" She sighed out in relief and held up a holo-pad and stylist. "Can I have your autograph?" Tali's shoulders fell.

"I don't see why not." Shepard agreed.

"So cool!" The girl near squealed. "And you really do have a turian and quarian as part of your crew! Are there really a krogan and an asari too? I always though aliens are so great, you know—"

"Here you go, miss." Shepard cut her off and quickly handed her items back.

"Thank-you!" She grinned before running off. Garrus knew it could have gone on a lot longer.

"Do they think we're collectables or something?" Tali crossed her arms as she shook her head.

"Officer Vakarian!"

"Oh, keelah…" Tali muttered. "I hate going out with you two."

Garrus couldn't hide his amusement, between Shepard and himself they could barely move ten feet without someone approaching them. Of course with Shepard it was from her fame and with him it was people who either worked with him, or were still unnecessarily grateful to him from his aid at one point or another.

And the poor quarian—who was surly used to being ignored or noticed for the wrong reasons—was drawing more attention than she knew how to handle.

"Commander?" Tali asked once they were on their way again. "Do you mind if I go on ahead? It's going to take some time to get readings from my suit and… everything." She ended lamely and their commander took pity on her.

Shepard gave Tali a pat on her shoulder. "It's fine. We can go get the fresh dextro fair." Her hands hit her omni-tool. "Here's my authorization for the installation, tell them I want it done today and to bill me. Don't pay over cost and ping me if they give you any trouble. And I mean _any_ trouble."

"Don't worry, Commander." Tali's eyes arched into two glowing crescents. "I'm a big girl." She waved over her shoulder as she walked away.

They watched her walk for a moment before Garrus said, "Why are you so cheap?"

Shepard gave him an even look. "I'm not cheap; I'm frugal." She started walking and he automatically followed.

"That's just a classy kind of cheap."

"Again with the lip, Vakarian?"

He pointed at his mouth. "I don't have lips."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine then… what'd ya got going on there, anyway? Mouth… plating?"

"Pretty much." He shrugged.

"Commander Shepard!"

"Notice how it alternates between us?" She said once they started walking again. "A hundred creds you're next."

"Wha-"

"Is that you, Garrus?"

"Not fair!" He hissed as they walked on and he caught sight of her smug look. "I didn't even agree."

"Sore loser." Shepard smirked with a skip in her step.

"If you really want to bet on something, we can head down to Flux." Maybe losing a few thousand credits would humble her a little. But knowing his commander, she would probably clean house with that poker face of hers and that would only make things worse.

"What's Flux?"

"You've never been to Flux?"

"If you haven't noticed I've barely been outside Alliance space, expect for business. And I've been on like four floors of the Citadel. I'm a busy person, Garrus. I can't just run off to bars and clubs while on duty." She was being defensive, he noted.

"We've been in Chora's Den like five times," he countered.

"On _business_."

"That's what they always say," he said in his old cop tone.

"Shut your plating."

"I- why are we at the Academy?" Garrus had been blindly following Shepard, so now he could only glance around, confused. He looked back at her spot only to find her gone.

"Commander?" He turned in a circle and caught sight of her ducking into a hallway. She glance over her shoulder at him and waved him after her. He caught up as she peaked around the corner before hurrying off. He looked at the direction she was heading. "Didn't they kick you out of this area before?"

"You can't kick a Spectre out."

"Yet, I remember it happening."

"I… just need to use their training room for a minute." She didn't say _why_ so he didn't bother to ask. He would see soon enough.

"We're breaking in, aren't we?" He shook his head in slight amusement.

"No." His commander glanced slyly back at him. "_You're_ breaking in."

"Under Spectre's orders?"

"Of course."

"You know, I'm starting to think maybe my dad was right and… I'm not happy with that."

Shepard's shoulder shook with her quiet laugh.

They came to the training room doors and, unsurprisingly, Garrus' access-code was still valid. "Bet Harkin's is too." Garrus shook his head in disproval. They entered the empty room and Garrus tilted his head at Shepard. "Huh. How did you know it would be empty?"

"Didn't. Blind luck."

"Your greatest tool." He grinned as he sat at the train room's control. "So what's it you came here to do?" The room beyond the glass shimmered with a hazy orange as the projectors powered on.

"I just need a survival run; no safety."

"That's it? Didn't Pinnacle Station have large training facility that the Alliance co-operates? Why not just go there instead of breaking into C-Sec?"

"We're already here. Plus-"

"They got on your nerves?"

"Every last one of them." She gritted her teeth at the memory of the last than friendly occupants of the station as she rounded the corner to the lift. "This won't take long," she assured him.

When she finally stepped into the large white room, Garrus flipped on the speakers. "So, got any preferences?"

Her face appeared in a vid square on the glass in front of him. "Anything from Earth?"

He looked through the selection. A few things had been added since he quit, but nothing from Earth. "Sorry, Commander. What about from Palaven?"

"Sure."

The room flickered as the fabricators flared to life and threw Shepard into the middle of the old Cipritine coliseum. Broken white marble columns rose up high into to the air and lay as crumbled behemoths across the silvery green grass. The white and gray stands wrapped around the gladiator pit and rippled in the synthetic sun. Her mouth dropped open with a gasp as she slowly turned, light bouncing off her hair and armor, filling her wide eyes.

Garrus couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"It's… beautiful." He felt his chest fill with pride at the sight of his home and Shepard's reaction to it. "Like Rome only… so sliver and green." Her face scrunched up. "And hot." She waved a hand at her face. "What the hell? Did you hit the sauna button up there?"

"No safety, remember?" He grinned to himself. "You have to tough it out in the actual conditions the environment entails. But no radiation, at least."

"Lucky me." She hit a few keys on her omni-tool and he was sure she was regulating her suits temperature.

"Cheater," he chuckled. "Enemy type?"

"Doesn't matter."

"I can send out some turian pirates and you can pretend they're me?'

"Let's go with that, then." She grinned up at the glass window he was behind.

He activated the run, sending out a good sized group, and turned off his side of the comm so as to not distract her. Garrus wasn't worried, even with the safety off Shepard would fair fine. Plus, he was at the controls; if anything went south he could pull the plug.

Shepard didn't charge with her assault or pistol. She ducked behind cover and Garrus thought maybe she was working on her aim with her sniper. No matter how good she was with her weapons, she always strived to be better, and became better too. Anything she set her mind too she almost always succeed in.

She only had trouble when she lost her temper, something that happened more frequently than he ever realized now that he could read her better.

Like a good sniper she always went for the kill shots. Head. Heart. Make every shot count to the fullest as the reheat time could result in your death if you miss.

Shepard would be doing fine until she began missing consecutively. And instead of calming down and relining her targets, she would just charge. Honestly, while she had the most skill with her pistol it was just the light and medium armors she wore that worried him. She was trained as an Infiltrator with the N program and her armor was not built for the close range combat she resorted to.

And Spirits _forbid_ she pull out that shotgun she insisted on carrying everywhere. Garrus had never liked shotguns; too simple. Just vaguely aim in one direction and shoot. A child could do that.

And he's seen children do it better than Shepard. Not even _marginally_ better. A shotgun in her hands was better of used to club someone to death. It was more humane that way.

_Huh? _Garrus zoomed in on the commander as she typed on her omni-tool. _What is she doing? _Was the heat really bugging her that much? Maybe he should turn that feature off? If his override-code still worked, like his access, then he could leave the safety off while disengaging the heating units. He turned to look at the control monitor on the consol. It was locked on to Shepard vitals and was giving off readings that his visor was unnecessarily scanning and redisplaying to him. Her heart rate and breathing were normal and so were—

"Interesting. Last I saw you, Garrus, you were excitedly handing in your resignation. You are aware that means you quit?" Executor Pallin's voice made Garrus freeze. Slowly he turned to face his old boss; the amused expression on the older turian's face did nothing to put him at ease.

"Oh?" Garrus carefully ventured, "Guess that means I no longer have access to C-Sec equipment. Interesting thing is, my access-code still worked for some _odd_ reason."

Pallin's right mandible twitched and Garrus knew someone would be getting hell later. He glanced at the screen before looking back at Garrus. "And did _her_ access code work too?"

Garrus opened his mouth to respond but the waning beeps piercing through the room stopped him. He spun around and Pallin was at his shoulder in an instant.

Both his visor and the console had the same message; No vitals detected.

Garrus froze in a numb shock and Pallin took over; furiously working the console only to stop when gun shots echoed from the comm.

The turian pirates were being defeated, falling dead and flickering out of existence, only they couldn't pin-point the source. In fact, Garrus couldn't find Shepard at all, dead or alive. When the fifth pirate fell a distortion caught his eye.

"There!" He pointed as the seemingly empty space shimmered and a vague outline of a form was visible. Then Shepard appeared out of thin air, immediately Pallin turned off the program. The ruins faded, leaving only his commander in the large room.

"Shepard," Garrus whispered in relief.

She threw back her head and started laughing. "It worked! I can't believe it worked! Did ya see, Garrus?" she asked while rushing over to the lift. Garrus managed to stand, body still numb and painfully stiff. He round the corner to the small room filled with lockers just as the door to the lift opened.

His commander launched herself at him, still laughing as her arms hooked around his cowl and her legs around his waist. Garrus stumbled as he hands hooked under her tights to keep her up. Then she pressed her lips to his mandible and threw her fist in the air.

"It worked!" she cried again. Their eyes met and the pure joy in hers washed always his numbness and replaced it with warmth that he had never felt before. Warmth that melted away the panic in his bones and made them feel like every part of him had liquefied.

Pallin entered and Shepard hopped off of him, taking that warmth with her.

"Executor?" Shepard's grin faded as she replaced it with her normal impassive face.

No, not normal. Not anymore. A normal Shepard was a smiling Shepard, something she reserved for her crew only.

"Shepard." Pallin never liked surprises on the job. Garrus remembered one year his unit (mostly the human members) tried to throw the older turian a birthday party….

Garrus suppressed a shudder; it was a very grim day at C-Sec.

The Executor clicked his mandibles the same why he did when taking to suborn recruits (so Garrus was very familiar with it). "Should I even bother asking were that technology comes from?"

"It's from a dormant program found in geth units. Formatted for compatibility," Shepard said, cutting herself off before she started talking about the more technical aspects.

Not long ago Shepard, Tali, and Wrex had left the ship and randomly came back with good deal of geth data. Tali had chatted happily about how Shepard had allowed her to keep a copy of the data for her Pilgrimage and Garrus had wondered what Shepard was going to do with the original files. Making a cloaking system wouldn't have been his number one answer. Or even in his top ten.

Pallin was looking doubtfully at the commander as he asked, "By whom?"

Shepard clearly heard the disbelief in the turian's voice and stood a little taller as she answered, "Me."

* * *

They left the Academy after that and made their way to the markets. Garrus had been silent the whole way and Shepard was shooting him curious glances every few minutes. They were passing through a narrow alley when Shepard turned to him; her arms folded and her hips cocked to one side. He tried to brush past her but she wouldn't budge.

"Something wrong, Garrus?" she asked.

He stared down at her for a while, trying and failing to cool his temper. "Nothing of importance," he said shortly.

She gritted her teeth at his response and she stepped closer to him, "Spill, Vakarian."

"Fine." His subharmonic grated harshly, causing her to flinch from the sound, "Permission to speak freely?"

Something danced in her eyes as her shoulder sagged and her voice soften, "Of course." His sudden formality was clearly confusing her.

Garrus leaned slightly towards her. "What the hell was that, Commander?"

Shepard blinked in confusion. "What? The cloaking system—"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wasn't sure if it would—"

"Working or not you should have said something! And why the hell did you need the _safety_ off for that?"

"It was—"

"Do you have any idea how—" Garrus cut himself off with a growl. Turning away, he walked in a quick circle before facing her again. Again his words failed him.

_Do you have any idea how scared I was?_ When that screen showed no vitals, he had never been so scared—_terrified_—in his life. He had though he'd lost her. Lost her while his back was turned and she was gone from his sights. It was shocking how deep that sense of loss had gone.

"I'm sorry." The look on her face said she understood and he hated her for it, never missing a beat, always so damn perfect.

His mandibles flared wide as he flashed his teeth in his anger and while a turian would know better than to come near him, she either didn't know or care as she closed the space between them. Her hands reached out to touch his face and he jerked back from her. She pursued him as her hands finally gripped his jaw and pulled his face to hers.

"I'm sorry." She firmly repeated as her eyes bore into his. "I didn't mean to worry you." His hands went to her armored hips and tried to push her away but she was not one to give that easily and she stayed stubbornly next to him. Silently, she watched him as his anger cooled and she smiled softly at him.

"Forgive me?" she asked as his talons locked on her metal hips, making his hands ach from his grip.

This was insane.

Garrus had to be losing it; acting this way with his commanding officer. How mad and worried he was when he should be happy for what she had accomplished today. And he _was_ happy for her. Just…

"Just… tell me next time." Garrus looked away as he finally managed to free himself from her hold.

"I will," she promised.

The rest of the trip was quiet as they bought both fresh dextro food supplies and high grade rations. They met up with Tali on the way back to the _Normandy_; the quarian was in far better spirits than either of them.

"Shepard! Garrus!" She greeted as she ran up to them. "Did you know 'Nifty Clean' is owned by a quarian couple? They were so nice! They even once lived on the same ship as my dad! I think you're going to be very happy with the price they gave… are you two okay?" Her eyes narrowed as she leaned towards them. "You both look like someone promised you candy and punched you in the face instead."

Both Shepard and Garrus sputtered.

"What?" He choked out.

"Let's just say it happened once," Tali said while rubbing her shotgun's barrel, "And _only_ once."

He and Shepard looked at each other and suddenly the tension between them was gone.

"Hope that cloaks big enough of two," he grinned and Shepard easily smiled back.

They head back to the _Normandy_ as a confused Tali called out, "What 'cloak'?"


	11. No One But Him

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader:** Venn364

* * *

Chapter Eleven

No One But Him

"This is stupid," Ashley growled as they stood in the dimly lit room.

"I am forced to agree." Liara cleared her throat as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Aw, you look nice." Tali assured as she walked to the two women. "Don't they, Kaidan?" Tali was clearly enjoying this as she let out a small giggle at Kaidan's blush.

A low whistle came from the corner, "Hell ya they do." Joker grinned as he leaned back on his chair.

Ashley turned a shade darker and she stomped over to the seated man. "Why are you here again? Last time I checked the ability to shatter a bone if someone even looked at you funny isn't very useful in a firefight."

Garrus had asked the same question.

"_Are you sure it's safe, Commander?" Garrus asked while writing a report on their assignment to Earth's moon, Luna. Shepard was leaning on the wall next to his terminal with a half-spaced out, half-bored look as she stared at nothing._

_He was sure he was going to have to repeat the question but she glanced at him from the corner of her eyes and answered, "Yeah, he'll be perfectly fine with all of us there."_

"_I'm not worried about him getting shot—with Wrex and Ashley onboard it's an everyday probability—it's the bones breaking from a _strong wind_ that worries me."_

_She turned to him, eyes somehow becoming impossibly wide and her cheeks full with a pout. "Poor guy never leaves the ship. I know he gets bored when we're docked. I just want him to have some fun." Somehow she made it seem like she was asking him for permission. Garrus gave a jerky nod as he looked away, slightly dumbfounded by her expression. _

_She started laughing and he could feel himself fluster, but held himself up high as he typed dutifully at his report. "Those, Garrus, were 'puppy dog' eyes." Damn her sometimes. _

Joker gave Ashley a fake dazed look as his eyes took in her outfit. "Did you say somethin'? I was a little distracted." Ashley crossed an arm over her chest while raising the other in a fist. Joker gave a mirthful laugh.

"Did you really think I was going to sit out a mission that had the words 'undercover' and 'Chora's Den' in the same sentence?" His grin broke wide as he lifted his voice, "And we haven't forgotten about you, Commander. Bring that sexy ass out here."

"One word from you, Jeff, and I'm giving you a lap dance. A very _thorough_ lap dance," Shepard called from the bathroom.

"For you babe, I'd risk it."

Garrus and Wrex were both leaning against the wall near Joker and he turned to grin at them. "I'm gussin' this doesn't do much for you two."

"Never been a big fan of human and asari. All that hanging flesh and… all soft and squishy." Wrex shuddered.

"I heard that!" Shepard yelled from behind the locked door.

Garrus grinned as he loudly added, "At least asari have a fringe. Humans have that fur and they're _covered_ in it."

Ashley's mouth dropped open just as Shepard flung the door open. "I'm not covered in fur! You- you chest-buster!"

Even though both Liara and Ashley were already in the Chora's Den uniform, seeing his commander in it took him by surprise.

The purple, metallic material clung to her like a second skin and shimmered in the light haloing her from behind giving her an ethereal glow. The collar was high and she made it look near regale with her head held tall. Her scarred skin was stark contrast to the smoothness of her clothes and was on shameless display at her chest and between her tights, where only a small piece of triangle cloth covered her.

_A woman_.

It felt almost insane to realize Commander Shepard—_his_ Commander Shepard—was a woman right at this moment. He had just never thought much about what humans had going on below; if a human woman was a woman the same way a turian woman was.

But Garrus was sure he knew what he would find if he pushed aside the laughably small piece of cloth….

Garrus wasn't surprised to see his reaction was one of the mildest in the room.

Kaidan was gapping at her as she stood with both arms braced on the door frame and her hips jutting out to the side. She was still glaring at Garrus as she stomped out of the room. _Did she always walk with a swing of her hips?_ To think she hid herself so well under her armor and uniform….

Liara was blushing as she watched her pass. Only to turn a dark purple once she caught sight of Shepard backside.

"What were you saying, big bird?" Shepard dangerously asked.

Joker gave a snort as he recovered from his shock. "First 'chest-buster' now 'big bird'? Man, you're going old school, Shepard."

Garrus flared his mandibles one after the other, mockingly, and he was happy to see Shepard understood as she flashed with more anger.

She gritted her teeth and poked him in the chest. "Why don't we squeeze your dextro-ass in one of these and see how damn funny this is then?"

"Please Shepard; you know my ass looks good in anything." He gave a wiggle of his hips. "You would love it."

"Un-huh. I bet Wrex would—"

"_And_ stop right there, Commander. Bad enough I now have his plated ass pictured in my head. I don't need Wrex's in there too. Please don't ruin this." Joker sent her an even stare. Shepard closed her mouth and gave him a slight nod.

At the mention of Wrex their commander's eyes went to the red krogan and she raised a brow at his stare.

"You have impressive scars," Wrex explained. He motioned to three ragged cuts that ran along her stomach; they were spaced evenly enough to look like claw marks. In the gap at her chest was near horizontal cut mark and a few discolored spots, while another cut peeked out from the skin at her legs—he was sure that that one was a long one—and, of course, she had the faint cut across her nose.

Shepard glanced down as if this was the first time she was seeing them, "Oh, yeah." She looked sheepish, "They do build up over the years."

Ashley cleared her throat and asked, "Speaking of asses; did something bite yours?"

Shepard looked back over her shoulder as she tried to get a better view. She ended up turning in a circle and Garrus caught sight of a large bite mark on the taunt muscle of her rear.

"Oh, that's still there?" She gave up trying to see for herself and looked at Ashley. "Yeah, that was my first run-in with varren. Didn't realize they could bite clean through armor and got careless."

"And the one on your stomach?" Kaidan asked as he was still fighting his blush.

She ran a hand on her belly. "I was still in N training and went on a recon mission on Earth. _Still _don't know how we ended up in the damn zoo, but next thing I know a gen-tiger is out its cage and right on me. The zoo was pissed that I killed it and I had to pay for a new one. Do you know how much it cost to commission a new white tiger cub? Fucking year worth of pay…" She grumbled the last sentence under her breath.

She ran her hand across the one on her nose, chest, and thigh. "These I got on shore leave on Elysium."

"During the Blitz?" Ashley asked with a slight bit of awe in her voice.

"Yep. They weren't that deep and the civilians were more heavily injured than me. Ended up scarring." She answered and then shrugged. "I have various bullet wounds from my time on Earth, before I even heard of medi-gel."

Kaidan looked confused. "Your N unit didn't use medi-gel?"

Shepard laughed. "No, the tiger scar I let scab up. It is an N tradition to let your first wound scar. The bullet wounds were before I joined the military."

_With the Tenth Street Reds, _Garrus thought as the group exchanged puzzled looks. Looking at her now he would have never guessed that weeks ago she was struggling to talk about them. That a couple months ago she never smiled beyond a soft half smirk and she never bothered to joke and laugh with her crew.

His commander really was amazing.

No one pressed at her for more as it was clear her new, more open self shouldn't be pushed too far. It was still a work-in-progress.

"You should probably head down," Tali said bringing them back on track.

Shepard nodded. "You're lucky you get to sit this one out Tali." Her face scrunched up. "Or, depending on what's underneath your mask, we all might be lucky."

Tali folded her arms and shift her weight on her hip. "Shepard, what do you think I look like?"

Shepard gave a deadpan look. "…A cat?"

"Oh, keelah!" Tali threw her hands up and narrowed her eyes at Shepard.

"What's a cat?" Wrex mumbled to Garrus.

"Something furry?" Garrus snickered and Tali turned her glare to him.

* * *

The ratio of human to asari dancers always favored the asari, so when their contact had made Liara and Ashley servers, (both by Shepard's request as the shy asari and still not-so-alien-friendly human wouldn't do that well in close contact) Shepard ended up as 'bait'. In the dark blues and harsh reds of the club no could tell that she was the infamous new human Spectre; she was just another pulsing female body.

She still drew more attention than was normal.

It was a mix of her humanity, her battle scars, and her odd movements.

She didn't dance like the asari, and the other human women had always mimicked them. Her body was a tight cored of muscle that strained against her thin covering. Her hips looked fuller each time she spread her legs and gyrated. The mounds on her chest turned out to be on the larger side and bounced with her dance. Her eyes only added to her dark dance; they were shockingly deep as she locked eyes with each patron and used the same devil charm she used as 'The Commander' to control her audience.

Garrus could name each feature that drew the different races; her scars called to the krogan; her tight muscles and flexibility to his turian brothers; her soft curves and mounds to the asari and humans; her sea deep eyes to the drells; her spark of life to the salarians.

This was a mission and she was clearly giving herself to it.

And Garrus had the urge to watch over her, whether it was fear that she would get carried away or someone else would try and take things to far he didn't know. All he knew was she was exposed with no gun at her side and he knew, _just knew_, that it was driving her mad. He saw how her eyes found his to check his position every few minutes. How she looked relived the first time Wrex had intervened when a krogan tried to do more than simply 'chat up' Ashley. How she kept Liara within sight no matter where the doctor was, even though Kaidan was shadowing her.

Garrus was Shepard's shadow for today and he still knew he was acting beyond that capacity.

This just felt so… wrong.

No one should look at his commander the way the half dunk cluster of aliens were right now. No one should see her skin peak out in such a provocative way, with her legs spread and her arms wide, her eyes dark and her mouth open. With her head pulled back to display her soft lean neck and the taunt skin of her belly bare for anyone to touch. Her body arching and begging, just _begging_…

No one should see her like this.

No one but…

Shepard's eyes found his again and she playfully smiled as she wiggled her hip at him.

…Garrus wasn't sure how to finish that thought.

* * *

"Target sighted." Ashley's voice snapped Garrus back to attention. His mind had turned blank and with a shock he realized he had been staring at Shepard, eyes locked. Her expression was unreadable and he turned as he spoke into his comm. He knew Shepard's comm was open and she would have heard the chief.

"Where?" He asked as he scanned for Ashley's location. His visor found her near the bar with a tray full of drinks in hand.

"Southeast of Shepard's stage. Dark clothing, hood—"

"That's every turian _in_ here," Kaidan hissed and Garrus had to agree.

"Don't bother. Shepard's got 'em," Wrex informed. Garrus looked back and Shepard had indeed zoned in on their target; General Septimus.

She had moved to the edge of the stage and was near dancing in the man's lap. The other patrons were glaring daggers as Shepard ignored them in favor of the lone turian. Zooming in with his visor Garrus took a better look at the general and didn't know what to make of the man's far off gaze.

He barely seemed to register Shepard. He gave her an appraising glance when she had approached him and just gave in with little resistance. Garrus knew a broken man when he saw one and Septimus was clearly in pieces.

"There is a free table in the northern corner you can use, Shepard," Liara informed. She most likely had kept that table free as Garrus saw it was set far enough apart to give a small amount of privacy.

There was a chorus of displeasure as Shepard slipped from the stage and led the tall turian off for a private show. Her hand was laced in his as she pulled him along with sly glances over her shoulder. Garrus had to fight to keep his cool as he moved after them.

With fluid grace she hopped on to the small platform in the corner as Septimus seated himself. Garrus felt his heart skip when Shepard leaned towards the other turian; lips near his ear.

"Sha'ira's not happy with you, Septimus." Her voice was dueled from the comm and Garrus' own close proximity, and her heated whisper struck him a place he couldn't describe.

Septimus jerked up in surprise but Shepard pushed him down in his seat and straddled him. Her hand was flat on his chest and her face was full on Commander Shepard.

"Commander! W-what are you doing here? L-like this?" His voice was shaky but there was familiarity in there, beyond the normal fandom she had acquired.

She gave a small grin, "The consort Sha'ira sent me. The opportunity was perfect as a team building exercise and I couldn't pass it up. Plus, I wanted to see how long it would take you to recognize me. Guess less is more when it comes to a disguise."

Wait… they knew each other? He could hear the shock from his teammates as well.

Wrex laughed. "You're in-fucking-sane, Shepard."

"Team building!" Ashley screeched.

"Goddess…" Liara sighed. "I'm going to go change."

"I'm coming with you too, Doc."

Shepard went on without pause. "What's bothering you, General? You're not one to spread lies; it's beneath you." She sat back on the table and gave him a hard stare.

"Kid…" He sighed and leaned back. "I've seen a lot of horrible things in my days and there's only one woman in this damn galaxy that helps me forget."

Everything clicked at once and Garrus couldn't help but sneer out. "This is pathetic. What could one woman do to put him in this state?"

Wrex snorted. "You have a lot to learn if you're askin' that."

Kaidan answered back. "It's still hard to imagine a general getting so upset over a woman."

Ashley did a good imitation of Wrex's snort. "That's because you don't understand women, Kaidan."

Tali—who was stationed in the room with a moping Joker—giggled. "Garrus isn't exactly a guru either."

"Maybe males are dense as shit no matter what species they're come from?" Ashley asked.

"Agreed." Tali and Liara both said.

Garrus couldn't help but question the good doctor. "Liara, couldn't everyone be considered 'male' to you?"

He could almost hear the grin in her voice, "Exactly."

"And things didn't go your way." Shepard said as she ignored the conversation in her ear.

Septimus slammed his hand down next to Shepard; she didn't even flinch.

"She rejected me! Me! Septimus Oraka, general of the turian fleet!"

"So you discredit her as revenge? Put her at risk and drag her name through the mud? Was it worth it?" Shepard could tear apart any being in the galaxy with words alone and Septimus no different.

He looked pained as he dropped his head and gave a dreary sigh. "All I wanted was to retire and be with her…" His voice was barely audible as he said, "Look, kid, I know what you're trying to do, but… don't waste your time."

She watched him for a moment. "I'm not leaving." She reached up and turned off her comm.

"Guess that means we're not needed." Wrex said as he turned off his comm and left to return to the small hotel room they were using as base.

His visor noted that only Kaidan still had his comm open and Garrus spoke up, knowing that what the human would say and deciding he would say it himself. "Go on, Kaidan. I'll stay with the commander."

Kaidan quickly responded. "I'll stick around too. Any trouble Shepard might start will take more than one person to handle."

Garrus laughed. "You're right about that."

Shepard voice caught him off guard, as he had forgotten he was within hearing range. "You love her?" Shepard seemed uncomfortable as she looked down at the older turian.

He gave a ragged sigh. "What does that matter? The one place I felt at peace was with her and she just threw me away—"

"She cares about you in her own way. You can't expect people to react the same as you. We're all different."

"Cut the crap, kid. I've known her for years. I know how she thinks, how she talks. I know I'm just another 'client' to her."

"Maybe you should give her time to adjust; maybe she just lived her life the same way for so long that this is a lot for her to take in."

"Ha! Have you met Sha'ira? That woman takes what she wants before you even know it's gone."

"And you're _giving_ something freely to her. Something she didn't have to work for. Something she didn't earn. Maybe she doesn't feel worthy? Or maybe her friendship with you is something that she would never want to hurt. How many real friends do you think a woman like that has?"

Shepard leaned down and took his hands in hers, and then she brushed her cheek to his. The older turian went ridged at the familiar turian gesture and Garrus was positive she was even imitating his hum. She pulled back and gave him a crooked smile.

"We're soldiers; sometimes we forget it's not all-or-nothing out here. And if we're lucky enough to have someone we care about right next to us, maybe it's okay that they'll never get any closer."

They were quiet for a long time before Septimus gave a soft chuckle. "We? Kid, it sounds like I'm not the only one suffering" Shepard pulled back but didn't deny it. It made Garrus wonder what she was thinking about. "I always figured you had a soft side under all that armor, though this," he waved at her attire, "Was more than I bargained for."

She grinned as she gave a show of leaning down. "And here I though turians didn't like anything without a fringe."

"No turian in his right mind would turn you down."

"Good to know. I have a friend who's a turian; I'll let him know some do approve."

Septimus gave a sharp laugh. "I see. Guess that's where you leaned to nuzzle."

Shepard looked perplexed. "Nuzzle? It's called nuzzling?" Her mouth dropped open, "_That's adorable."_

Damn it, he was going to hear this later.

The general pulled out a data pad and handed it to her. "Here, take this to an elcor diplomat, Xeltan, at the embassies for me. It shows where I got my information and will exonerate Sha'ira."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "I'm not your errand girl; why not go yourself?"

"Let's just say I didn't leave a very good impression last time."

She sighed. "You really made a mess of things, General? All right, I'll head over after I change." Shepard took the data pad and slipped off the table. "I'll send you a message once I'm done."

General Septimus nodded. "Ah, thanks kid. I owe you one."

She waved over her shoulder as she called back, "Don't they all?"

* * *

Garrus and Kaidan met Shepard as she slipped out the side of Chora's Den.

"Everything went well, I hope?" Kaidan asked.

"Yes, it did." Her heels clicked as they headed next door to the hotel.

They entered the elevator and the ride up was slow. The doors opened and Shepard was the first one off followed by him and Kaidan. She wasn't half-way through the door to the room before Joker was limping his way over.

"Sheesh, took you long enough," he said and Shepard gave a small laugh.

"All yours, Joker. Kaidan, Garrus, Wrex go on down, too. Have a guy's night. We girls have a diplomat to track." She gave a pointed look at Wrex. "And _no_ fights. I always get billed when you all pick fights."

"I'm a baby-sitter, aren't I?" Garrus asked as his companions left. Joker and Kaidan would be thoroughly entertained by the dancers and Wrex would most likely end up challenging some random patron to some bizarre krogan drinking game that almost always ended in police—or divine—intervention to stop the ensuing brawl. Garrus didn't like drinking in public, too many unknowns, and the asari and humans didn't appeal to him in _that_ way.

His commander smiled as she gave him a sorry look. "Someone needs to keep an eye on them. I'll make it up you later, promise."

Somehow her reassurance made the idea of watching over two drunken humans and a krogan okay and he actually laughed and called out as he left, "I'm holding you to that."

_What could one woman do? _

A hell of a lot.


	12. Buddies and Battlemasters

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware. _The War_ (1) and _Come Into the Garde, Maud_ (2) are by Alfred Lord Tennyson

**Beta Reader:** Venn364

* * *

Chapter Twelve

Buddies and Battlemasters

"You're fucking cheating." Wrex tossed his cards down.

"Aww," Ashley cooed, "The big bad dino a sore loser?" She plucked the credit chip from the center of the table and transferred the winnings to her own. She tossed the empty one back to the center and leaned back in her chair, a smug smile on her face.

"You're cheating, you little pyjak. I know it." Wrex was half a second from flipping the table, something he had done the first few times they had started their game nights and which he only stopped when he had flipped one a little _too_ hard. It had been sent flying across the room, where it broke in half… right as Shepard was walking out of the elevator. She didn't flinch as the table crashed next to her. Wrex was frozen—with his hand still in the air—as both Ashley and Garrus jumped out of their seats and backed away.

"Wrex."

"…Shepard."

The commander walked away while calling out, "You're replacing that."

Even though she couldn't see him, Wrex still nodded.

Shepard's timing was _uncanny_. It was the same on missions as on the ship; if something important was happening, you can be damn sure Shepard was in the middle of it. She wasn't even the instigator (well, _most_ of the time she wasn't), trouble just always found her and she dealt with it with a cool head.

"Are your krogan senses tingling?" Garrus asked as he gathered the cards and shuffled, thoughts of his commander were pushed aside for now.

Ashley grinned. "_Oh_? Prove it."

Garrus paused. "Wait, are you? Damnit Ash."

He tossed the cards down and joined Wrex in glaring at the unfazed human. He only had so much money to play with, as he had taken a page from Shepard's immoral book and started looting. His full pay was still being sent to his family and looting was a good substitution as a source of income.

"Never said I was," she kicked her feet up and began to examine her blunt nails, "Just said prove it. If you're going to accuse me of something, you better have proof."

"Don't need proof." Wrex narrowed his eyes. "I _know_ you, pyjak, and you're lying."

Ashley's eyes twinkled. She held her hands up; palm facing them, then flicked her hands faster than he could follow without his visor (which they made him take off, as it was an _unfair advantage_)_. _

Out of nowhere, a card was produced.

"Cheater!" Both Wrex and he roared. Ashely only broke down in a fit of laugher. Once she calmed down, and saw that they were not amused, she smiled at them.

"Fine, you big babies, I'll knock it off. Man, I only did it to see if I could. Honestly, bird man, I though zilch got past you, Wrex here is nothing but a walking brick with a gun, but aren't you supposed to be a detective?"

"Don't make this about me." Garrus refused to feel bad that he didn't catch her cheating. "You're the one cheating in a friendly game of poker."

"And you're too trusting. /Be not deaf to the sound that warns!/Be not gull'd by a despot's plea!/" (1)

"And if I can't trust my teammate, then who?"

The elevator chimed.

_Uncanny as hell. _Garrus was shocked. If he had to guess who it was, it would be Shepard, but he did not need to guess. He _knew_. He just knew it was her before she even stepped out. He tried to reason that there was little chance it was someone else, as Shepard moved around the ship like clockwork. But it was with the absolute certainty that filled him that was so upsetting.

His sudden change in posture caught both his companion's attention and they looked at the opening door.

Commander Shepard leisurely walked into the hanger, gave a nod in their direction, and headed to engineering.

Spirits, what was with him lately? Every time he even saw Shepard he just felt so… worked up? He really couldn't place it. It was like he was content to just stand next to her yet, at the same time, run off. Run off and show her that all the lessons and all the talks meant something to him. That he was becoming someone _he_ was proud of, all because of her.

But why was the urge to be near her so bad? She was his commander and—dare he say it—his friend. His feelings didn't go beyond that. Did they?

Did he… did he like her in a more than platonic way?

No, he had no urge to be _with_ her, just near. It was his job to protect her; to watch her six and make sure the galaxy had its hero.

So what _was_ Shepard to him?

Ashley's voice was a soft buzz in the air. "/She is coming, my own, my sweet;/Were it ever so airy a tread,/My heart would hear her and beat,/Were it earth in an earthy bed;/My dust would hear her and beat,/Had I lain for a century dead;/Would start and tremble under her feet,/And blossom in purple and red./" (2)

Garrus stared at her as she placed her feet on the ground. Poetry was never really big with turians, so when Ashley had started opening up and quoting little bits here and there, Garrus had tried his best at understanding her. If she felt it was important enough to remember and recite then, as a friend, it was his job to try and comprehend.

Garrus was afraid he understood that a little too much.

Wrex and Ash both exchanged a look before they regarded him.

"You got it bad, kid."

"I don't have anything." Garrus wasn't too sure what it was he was defending; only that Ashley's poem bothered him more than it should. He glared as Ashley opened her mouth, "One more poem and I'm taking back every credit you stole."

"Won," she corrected. "You can't fool us."

"I'm not fooling anybody. As I recall, the only trickster here is _you_."

Wrex had crossed his short arms and nodded, mostly to himself. "Battlemaster."

"What?" Both him and Ash said.

"She is your battlemaster."

"My _what_?"

Ashley raised a brow. "Aren't you a battlemaster? How is the commander… one? Isn't that a krogan thing?"

His red eyes burned into his blues. "You would follow her to certain death, but have faith she would still achieve victory. Her word is law. Your own mimics hers. There is no other you can see bending your will to. There is no other you respect more. Your death is favored before hers. She is your battlemaster, and she is more krogan most of my kind."

Garrus could only gape at the large red man. Ashley recovered before him. "Damn, that was almost _poetic_."

Wrex shifted his eyes to her. "Don't start quoting me, pyjak; might not go that well." Ashley snorted.

How was it that Wrex answered his internal question? Turians never got attached to one's commanding officer. Either they served their required time in the military and moved on, or they stayed and ended up being carted around the galaxy. The commanders, generals, and captains were all interchangeable to a degree. They followed rules by the book and ran tight shifts. If they ran across a mercenary ring there was most likely some standard procedure on how to handle it. Only when things turned south did good turian leaders stand out from bad ones, and even then that was a fine line.

Standing out among his people did not tend be a _good_ thing.

Still, Ashley's words weighed down on him with equal weight.

"We're playing Skyllian Five," Garrus announced.

"What! I barely know how to play that!" Ashley argued. The atmosphere of their group had shifted back to the normal playful mood.

"Guess your ass won't be able to cheat then, huh?" Wrex grinned.

"Like you two would notice." She smirked at Garrus and teased, "Especially our resident _detective_."

That was it. She was going down.

* * *

An hour later Garrus was grinning with his mandibles stuck wide. Not only had he won back his losses, but Wrex's too, as well as Ashley's own catch.

"Smug bastard," Ash grumbled as her head fell hard on the table, sending a few cards fluttering through the air.

Wrex was indifferent as he sat back in his seat, it was clear the warlord was growing bored. It was understandable, as it had been awhile since any of them saw any action, but Wrex was taking it particularly hard. Without a word, he stood. He wandered over to his little corner and just sat there. Ashley watched him go without lifting her head.

"And there goes our Wrex time for today," Garrus said, he wasn't sure if he would ever understand him.

Ashley turned to face him with a bored look. "What ya' wanna do now?" Without a third they really couldn't play a decent game.

There used to be a point where once one of them broke from the group that they all disbanded; one-on-one conservations were a lot harder to maintain. This was the first time Ashley was hanging out just around him.

He hooked an arm on the back of his chair and said, "Don't know. We can clean our guns?"

"Did that."

"Armor?"

"Done."

"Give the Mako a tune up?"

"No way in hell."

"Go eat?"

She shrugged, which was an odd movement to do with her chest pressed against the table.

"Guess." She turned back to Wrex. "Yo, t-rex! You want something from the mess?"

He just glared at them. They took it as a 'no' and cleaned up. Once everything was put up they went to the mess hall.

In the elevator Ashley began messing with her hair, she undid the tight bun and her hair curled around her shoulders. The last time he had seen it down was at Chora's Den. She combed through her hair with her fingers and her scent filled the small metal box. Hers wasn't unlike Shepard's, gun oil and standardized Alliance issued soap. Only her natural scent was different. Not as heady and empowering.

"Why do you keep your hair long? Doesn't it get in the way?" He remembered how soft Shepard's hair was against his cheek and wondered if all human hair was like that.

"I like it long. Plus, I keep it tied up." She shrugged.

"Isn't it uncomfortable when you wear a helmet?" Having a large, round hairball pressing into her head could not be all that pleasant. "Wouldn't it make more sense to keep it short like the commander?"

Her hair was tied back into her bun. "Maybe it's vanity? We all can't be as practical as the Skipper."

Garrus gave a small laugh. "It's strange."

"What do you mean?" Her tone was guarded.

"Men have long fringes," he turned his head to her, "Women have short ones. But humans are almost always the opposite. And then they are always changing the length."

The door opened and they walked out. "Well, our hair grows all the time. Does… does your fringe thing grow?"

"Not like your hair."

"Can you feel when something touches it?"

"Yes. Can you?" He had always wanted to ask that, but it was such a silly question to ask his human peers at C-Sec. It was still silly, but she had asked first.

"No. If you pull on it, it would hurt, but only because it's attached to my scalp." She tugged on her hair for show.

"What in the world are you two talking about?" Kaidan had moseyed on over from his post and was now leaning against the counter as they began to pull out dextro and levo snacks.

Garrus looked over at Kaidan then turned to Ashley. "Why does his always look so wet?"

"What?" Kaidan asked puzzled and Ashley smirked at the biotic.

"He's talking about that thing on top of your head _you_ laughingly call hair. I told you; you use way too much gel."

"Omni-gel?" Garrus asked, really confused. Why would someone put omni-gel on their head? Or was it medi-gel?

Ashley laughed. "No, humans have gels to slick back our hair."

"I don't use a lot," Kaidan argued.

Ash rolled her eyes. "You're not fooling anyone, LT."

"I'm not _trying_ to fool anyone." He took Ashley's hand and pressed it to his head. "See? Does that feel like it's loaded with gel?"

Garrus began backing away, just in case Kaidan thought he wanted a feel too.

"What… what am I looking at?" Came Liara's sleepy voice as she rubbed one eye.

Garrus realized what an odd sight they were; Ashley, an arm full of food packets and one hand petting Kaidan; Garrus with his arms full and slowly backing away… he was still backing away….

"Liara… does your fringe—tentacles? Tendrils?—thingy grow?" Ashley asked with a tilt of her head, her hand still resting on Kaidan's head.

The blue woman twitched before stiffly turning and walking away. "Perhaps I am still asleep," she muttered as she made her way back to the med-bay.


	13. TouchyFeely

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Venn364

* * *

Chapter Thirteen

Touchy-Feely

Shepard stood tall, armor gleaming and with her hands on hips, attracting attention from both patrons and employees alike.

"So this is Flux," she said, voice curious as she scanned the room. To the left was a red lit bar with a lounge area stationed in front of it. High glass windows circled it and gave a decent view to the Citadel. To the right was a dance floor, where over half a dozen dancers moved, quite awkwardly, under the blue lights.

Turians were never big on dancing, but Garrus had been around other species long enough to know that the term 'dancing' was used very loosely here.

Directly in front of the entrance was a wide staircase leading to the main casino floor; it was brighter up there, with sounds of gambling machines and excited calls washing over them even at the entrance.

While Flux was small compared to other casinos on the Citadel, it had a nice laid-back, homey feel to it that Garrus knew often lead people into a false sense of security.

The commander gave another scan of the room before clapping and rubbing her hands together.

"Alright!" She looked at her companions before giving them a wicked grin. "Let's gamble!"

Garrus and Kaidan exchanged knowing looks. Depending on how things went, they would be leaving with a very happy Shepard or a brokenhearted one.

* * *

"Is this possible?" Kaidan asked in disbelief. "I mean statistically; is it?" Garrus only stared, unable to think of an explanation.

"Woot!" Shepard gave another happy yell as she won another round of high stakes quasar. Then another yell as she won the next round, and the next; just like she did every time before.

_Every time_.

"We've been here for two hours," Kaidan said as he moved closer to Shepard's side and placed a light hand on her shoulder. Garrus made himself focus on the back of Shepard's head and not the hand that was breaking to many rules with that one touch.

If the commander didn't care, then why should he? After all, Garrus had touched her before, mostly for comfort, but he always did so in private. Shepard had a right to her privacy and to maintain her public image. Behaving in any way but as her subordinate anywhere but in private was unacceptable. Yes, she did banter with the crew on their trips to the Citadel, but Garrus walked in his place—at her back and to her left—only moving closer when in conversations with her. He liked it there; at her side but with her fully in his vision, diligently watching her back.

But lately he'd noticed Kaidan inching closer and closer, hands reaching, touching, pulling, not only in combat. Garrus remembered the first time he was drawn to comfort Shepard on Saleon's ship and how he though humans overreacted to simple touches and how now he was doing the same….

But Kaidan's touches _weren't_ simple.

"And you haven't lost once," Kaidan finished.

Shepard shrugged, the move making his hand slip. While it looked accidental, Garrus knew better than to think that with Shepard. She started another game of quasar and, thankfully, Kaidan kept his hands to himself. "Lucky I guess—_Damnit_ _Kaidan_! You jinxed me!"

Just like that, Shepard's two hour winning streak came to an end. Garrus could see the relieved faces of casino workers as Shepard finally stopped cleaning house. Anyone else they would have accused of cheating by now and thrown them out. But Shepard was right when she said you couldn't kick out a Spectre. Only Pallin was bold enough to do that and only Shepard was respectful enough of his authority to let him.

"I did not," Kaidan defended. "The rules of probability finally caught up with you."  
Shepard gave a small pout as she stared at the screen, then she sighed and stretched her arms over her head.

"Guess that means it's time to go." She looked at her omni-tool. "It's been two hours?"

Kaidan looked annoyed. "I _just_ said that."

Shepard gave a lopsided grinned and looked almost apologetic. "Guess I just got caught up. I've never had such a lucky streak before. You two must be my good luck charms." She gave a playful wink and headed for the stairs.

Once at the bottom Shepard turned to the bar. "Let me get some water. My throats kinda dry."

"I wonder why," Garrus said, remembering her victory yells after every win. At first it was amusing… then after the first hour it was just annoying.

Shepard headed to the bar and Kaidan followed, leaving Garrus alone. He wondered if she meant for them to follow, but knew she didn't, as that was why she announced her action. He was just struck with how _awkward _he felt standing alone. Was he really that use to having people next to him now?

With C-Sec, Garrus liked it when he worked alone. No clash of egos and opinions. No wasting time explaining plans or actions. Everything boiled down to him. That was until he hit the red tape that always tied his hands. So it was a strange revelation how depended he had grown on the commander and her crew.

A part of him wanted to catch up to his two companions, but the logical part of his brain kept him rooted to his spot. Standing alone left him feeling exposed and he ended up over thinking. Was his stance to rigid? Should he lean on a wall or stay put? Damn, why was he standing so _still_? That wasn't normal. Maybe move his feet a bit… okay that made him look stupid. Standing still it is… now that awful crick in his neck was back!

He should just swallow his pride and ask Shepard to buy him a turian cot. Yes, the new rations helped his overall heath, but the bed was still a pain. He was a little worried Shepard would offer her bed to him again… not that he was sure _why _that worried him.

Plus, why make her waste money on a bed that won't be used after he finished his tour on the _Normandy_? Although, after today, she had a hell of a lot of extra money and she made it clear she had no problems spending credits on what her crew needed.

So, why the strange urge to deal with this himself? Why did he feel bad asking her for things? If she bought it on her own and gave it to him, he had very little trouble taking it. The cost of course made him feel a bit uncomfortable sometimes, but he understood it was all about quality when they were thrown into life or death situations every other day. But to add to her already hectic schedule and take away more of her time; time better spent with her getting some much needed rest and relaxation….

"Well, aren't you a wall-flower?" Shepard's teasing voice snapped him to attention.  
While working at C-Sec next to humans guaranteed he picked up quite a few bits of human slang and their strange idioms that was one he wasn't aware off. His previous thoughts were cast aside in favor of his curiosity.

Garrus blinked as he leaned his head to the side and closer to her. "'Wall-flower?'"

She gave a soft laugh. "Nothing. Nothing."

She seemed a bit tense and Garrus noticed Kaidan was still at the bar talking to a human female barmaid. Shepard handed Garrus a bottle of water—shaped for turian hands and mouths—before opening her own to take a long drink. She sighed and ruffled her hair looking back at the bar; eyes lingering on a frowning Kaidan.

Concerned, he asked, "Is everything alright?"

Her eyes snapped to him and something in them made him freeze. He couldn't place her emotion, but it looked _raw_. Almost hurt. "I…" She started but stopped with another ruffle of her short hair. The look was gone and its place was a hard frown.

"Everything's fine," she said with a flat hum in her voice. Garrus twitched, but as they were out in public, he let it drop. For now.

They stood in silence and busied themselves with their waters. Kaidan joined them a few minutes later. With a hard set of his shoulders and jaw, he faced their commander.

"We should really help her, Commander," Kaidan said firmly, clearly continuing a conversation they had started earlier.

"She's working with C-Sec, not everything's our business," Shepard faced him with the same hard stance. "You shouldn't let your concern get the best of you."

"Who's working with C-Sec?" Garrus interjected.

"The waitress' sister, Jenna, is working undercover for C-Sec at Chora's den. From the sound of things it seems like she could be in over her head," Kaidan explained, worry clear in his voice.

"Rita is not an unbiased source. Of course she'll make it sound like that," Shepard countered.

Garrus asked, "What does she want you to do?" as he looked between them. "If she's a civilian undercover then approaching her is out of the question."

"Why not?" Kaidan asked. "If we can talk some sense into her and make her see how dangerous this is—"

"And blow her cover?" Garrus challenged. "She would have to leave the Citadel to even be remotely safe."

"So staying in that situation is better? Does C-Sec make a habit of risking civilian lives?"

Even though Garrus liked to think C-Sec was behind him, he still felt a need to defend the agency. They did good work and didn't deserve the ire of someone who had no idea what it was like working and fighting in the very same place you lived. There was no home to escape to at the end. "She would have had to volunteer for this—"

"Oh, _so _much better." Kaidan cut him off and Garrus bristled. Shepard spoke up before either of them could go on.

"Enough," Shepard said, already turning to leave. "We'll look into this. If it looks bad then we'll pull her out, if not we'll leave her to her choice."

With a hot glare shared between him and Kaidan they both clamped their mouths shut and followed Commander Shepard.

* * *

"You know we can't just walk in there?" Garrus asked as they neared Chora's Den. "If any one of us is seen talking to this 'Jenna' for more than a few seconds…"

"I know." Shepard stopped and looked towards the direction of the club. She sighed and mumbled softly, "Why do things always turn out to be so complicated? Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned shootout?" She looked at Garrus and he shrugged, not realizing the comment was meant for him until her eyes met his blues.

"The right way normally is," Kaidan offered and Shepard looked to him and gave a wary smile. Then she turned and headed to the lower markets.

* * *

They needed disguises. After months of traveling on the _Normandy_ it was no surprise that the ground team's faces were in the news just as much as Shepard's. Every impossible good deed and act of heroism done by the multispecies crew was another news report that people fawned over.

So the commander had taken them into a store no respectable high ranking military officer like Shepard would step into. The clothes were all leather and spikes and oddly appealing. Kaidan was out of his element as he glanced around the shop with a lost look. Garrus was curious, as the shop catered to all species and seeing a leather jacket adorned with spikes and studs, and a pair of pants to match, made for an elcor was just _priceless_. It was even better that a live elcor happened to be interested the same outfit that Garrus noticed and was now trying it on in the fitting rooms.

Every geth in the whole damn universe could descend on the station at that moment and Garrus wouldn't even budge until that elcor came out to looked into the mirror wonderfully place outside the fitting rooms.

"No, Kaidan." He heard Shepard sigh behind him. "Those are way too tight. If you want your boys to breathe again you'll find another pair," then a groan. "_No_. We're not dressing for Halloween. More thug, less porcupine—" Then she let out bark laugh. "What the hell man? No, just no. Go sit this one out lieutenant, that's an _order._"

"Fine." Kaidan sounded slightly relived.

After a few minutes of Shepard running around the human section of the store she came over to him as he mindlessly moved things around on a rack. The dressing room was still in his view as she approached his side.

"Garrus?" She looked at the rack he was going through. "Uh, I'm not an expert on turian clothes… but theses seem kind of… girly."

Movement caught his attention and Garrus' mandibles flared in excitement. A part of him was aware he should feel bad for finding any kind of pleasure in this but hell; it was just _too damn funny_ for him to care.

Garrus let go of the clothes on the rack in favor of Shepard's shoulders. He spun her just as the elcor walked out. Shepard dropped the garments in her arms as her hands flew up to her mouth. Her shoulders shook hard under his hands and her laugher was barely muted.

"With repressed joy; this jacket looks great."

A sharp bark escaped Shepard's mouth and Garrus clamped his hand over hers as he pulled her towards the other end on the store. They entered a krogan boot section and finally Garrus let himself go as he couldn't hold his laugh back any longer. He let Shepard loose and she doubled over, tittering uncontrollably.

"That," she finally managed. "Is not funny, Garrus." She sent him a playful glare.

"You're right. It's not funny," as he talked he moved his face eyelevel with her and made himself serious, "it's _hilarious_." Shepard clung to him as she fell into another round of laughter.

Garrus ginned down and she beamed up at him once she settled. All her earlier tension was gone and the smile on her face made his body relax in return. He didn't know why he did it, but his talon came up and brushed her short hair from across her forehead and back into its rightful place. Shepard's smile softened as she pressed her head into the palm of his hand before pulling away.

Then her eyes grew wide. "I dropped the clothes! Dang it." She rushed off, leaving Garrus alone with his suddenly pounding heart.

* * *

Garrus rounded up a simple black outfit. It was almost like common turian casual clothes, only it had a human influenced jacket. The tag said something about a 'cow' boy, but the phrase had no meaning to him and he didn't care enough to look it up at the moment.

He left the men's changing room just as he heard Kaidan whistle, "You look _good_, Shepard."

Garrus could hear the grin in Shepard's voice. "Not lookin' to bad yourself, LT."

"See something you like?"

Garrus did _not_ want to hear the answer and exited the room while loudly asking, "What's a 'cow' boy?"

Shepard turned from looking at Kaidan, who had a basic black outfit with a few accessories here and there, with her mouth opening to answer Kaidan's question, only to drop fully seeing him. Her eyes scanned him from fringe to toe and Garrus took the moment to examine her.

She had picked black as well, but there was nothing basic about it. The tight vest she wore was sleeveless with a gap the width of her hand running down the center that was held together with a buckle at her throat. Three more buckles were spaced under the swell or her chest, ending before the indent of her stomach. The black gloves finished just above her elbows and three more buckles covered the bare flesh of her upper arms. Her pants were tight, but not to the point she couldn't run if need be, and had holes placed almost teasingly around her hips and tights. The boots she wore were bulky with thick heels that made her taller.

"Shepard?" Garrus returned his gaze to her face. "There's some black crap on your lips." He went to wipe it off but Shepard snapped from her scan of him and swatted his hand away.

"It's lipstick." Kaidan offered and Shepard laughed at his second attempt to remove the dark stain.

Shepard moved back as she grinned. "You've never seen lipstick on humans before?"

Garrus frown. "Not that color. Normally it's been brighter ones." Maybe he'd just never noticed the darker colors before now? "And I've never seen you wear it before."

She shrugged. "Don't have the time to get all dolled up." Shepard looked back at the mirror and her eyes turned hooded. "Not anymore."

Shepard had arranged for their armor to be stored in the back of the shop, after some threats and credits, of course. She paid for their clothes after grabbing one last item for them all.

"Sunglasses," she grinned.

She picked out Kaidan's pair and let Garrus get his own. He hated not having his visor, but it would have given him away in seconds. He found a simple pair that hooked behind his fringe and when he caught sight of his refection Garrus had to admit he didn't look too bad. Shepard and Kaidan's pair complimented their faces well enough. Finally suited up they were on their way.

It was strange how relaxed Shepard was. They had left their guns behind as without military, C-Sec, or Spectre clearance the bouncers at the doors would have never let them in with them. Garrus felt at ease with his combat experience and his exposed talons. And while he was positive that Shepard had hidden her combat knife on her, he knew a gun made her feel a whole lot safer. Yet, even her walk was different, more of a haughty strut and not a military gaunt.

"You two need to walk next to me," Shepard said as they headed to Chora's Den. "Kaidan, you need to relax and Garrus, stop looking around like that; you're too aware. We're just three friends having a night out, so you both need to stop looking like someone about to jump us," she admonished. Garrus and Kaidan did as told and soon they were at Chora's Den.

Shepard looked at Garrus as they approached the doors. "You know how you're sick of the Citadel? Well, I'm not exactly thrilled by this place anymore." Garrus chucked but didn't respond as they entered.

Maybe it was just Shepard in general that caused her to garner the amount of attention she did? She was turning quite a few heads and Garrus wondered how attractive she was by human standards.

"She's working as a bartender," Kaidan whispered. Shepard didn't answer but headed to the bar. A salarian, asari, and a human were working the bar and Shepard walked over to the human female. She slipped in-between two bar stools that Garrus and Kaidan sat down on and leaned heavily on the counter as the human female ducked down to grabbed a bottle.

She noticed them and gave them a tired, but still peppy smile. "Hi! I'll be with you in just a sec—"

"No." Shepard's voice was dark and smooth. "You'll be with us _now_."

The barkeep wavered as she fully looked at Shepard and then back off to a group of human males down at the ended she must have been serving.

The woman cleared her throat. "Oh, um, sure, of course." She warily moved closer. "What can I get you three?"

Shepard placed a quick order and while the woman was preparing the drinks Shepard casually asked; "You Jenna?"

The woman frowned. "Yes, I am. Do I know you?" Garrus' drink was mixed first and he resisted the urge to punch Shepard for ordering the ridiculous looking pink/blue/yellow concoction in front of him. The urge increased ten-fold as he noticed the slight twitch to the corner of her mouth that told him she was holding back a smile.

"No," Shepard's voice softened. "Just know I'm a friend and I'm here to help. I need to talk to you about your work with C-Sec."

Garrus had the give the girl credit, as she didn't even bat an eye at the mention of C-Sec. "I don't know what you're talking about." Jenna slid over two glasses of blue liquid to Shepard and Kaidan reached out and took his. "Now if you don't mind I need to get back to my customers."

Shepard held her stare before sighing, grabbing her drink, and standing up. "Fine. Forget it. Have it your way."

"I _will_ thank-you," Jenna chirped as she went back to work.

Once away from the bar Kaidan stepped into Shepard's personal space and whispered, "We can't give up that easily."

"We aren't," she answered. "Good to know she's smart enough not to talk to anyone random person off the street about her work, but now we have to wait until she's alone. We'll stay and keep an eye on her, just in case we kicked up some dust and once her shift's over well approach her again."

They settled into a booth and Garrus gave his drink a wary look before taking a small, tentative sip.

"Mmm, not bad," he muttered in surprise.

He caught a smile dance across Shepard's lips before she took a drink from her own glass and made a face. "Good Lord, this is strong!" She coughed as her face turned a bright red. "I've never been a light weight but, _damn_, how are asari not always shit-faced?"

Garrus chuckled. "Well if they are it would explain a lot."

Kaidan took a slip of his. "It's not too bad."

An eyebrow went up behind Shepard's glasses. "Didn't know you were a secret lush, Kaidan."

"'Lush'?" Garrus asked.

Kaidan snorted. "Don't be a wimp, _Commander_," The biotic teased. For a moment it looked like Shepard was about to rise to Kaidan's bait, but she just grinned as she turned to look at Garrus.

"I believe I need to clear up a few things. 'Wall-flower', 'cowboy', and now '_lush'_," she said as she slowly moved the glass in her hand in small, hard circles; making the liquid inside spin in long fluid strokes. The grin on her face was just as hypnotic as the swirl of her glass and Garrus felt himself ease back against the booth and absentmindedly sip from his drink; content to listening to the sound of his commander's voice as she talked.

* * *

It was a pleasant experience hanging out with Shepard as it was difficult to offend her. With Kaidan there were always 'no-no' topics that turned the human stubbornly disagreeable. But there was no need for Garrus to censor himself with Shepard in regards to her feelings, only in an attempt to make sure he didn't say something stupid. Even then she would just laugh and tease him before moving on. Kaidan was more at ease as well and Garrus knew it was from Shepard's charm.

It really was a shame she felt the need to hide herself under her stoic mask, but the burden of command was not an easy thing and that was just the way she handled it.

Seeing the mask gone, with her drinking and laughing, was nice. Mostly because of the trust it implied. For her to act as she was now she had to see him, and Kaidan, as more that subordinates and that made him feel good.

It clearly made Kaidan happy too, as he was sitting so close to their commander that every little time either of them moved they brushed the other. Kaidan good-naturedly bumped his shoulder into Shepard's but the move made her spill some of her drink on herself.

"Dang it," she grumbled as she slipped from the booth to head to the washroom. "You just keep killin' my fun, huh?" That sentence felt oddly loaded but, as Garrus could see no reason why it would be, he told himself he was imagining it.

He'd only had a few drinks, just like his two human companions, as they needed to keep up pretenses and demonstrate a need to be in Chora's Den to watch Jenna. At one point, to give them a break from drinking, Shepard had paid for a table dance. Which seemed to only make the atmosphere awkward as the asari was also having boundary issues and found Garrus _fascinating_.

Fascinating enough to even offer a private show in the back with some of her co-workers, who all giggled and waved as she spoke. Thankfully, Shepard firmly declined for him, as the offer had left him a little speechless. Not that he was interested; he was just shocked at the boldness of the asari and humans and even a bit embarrassed that it had happened in front of Shepard.

They were technically on a mission right now and that was insanely inappropriate. Kaidan had found it highly amusing and Garrus was surprised Shepard wasn't poking fun at him as well. She even had an underlying streak of anger in her for the rest of the evening. So maybe that was why her words felt more heated than needed as she left for the restroom?

Kaidan frowned at the comment before taking stock of their drinks and leaving to get him and Garrus' a refill.

Garrus looked over to Shepard in time to see a tall, lanky form pull her into the hall to the restroom. Not caring how much attention he gathered he jumped up and rushed around the corner.

He went ballistic.

Shepard's body was pressed back against a wall with a tall, hooded turian pinning her there. The turian had his bare talons at her neck and his other hand had grabbed both her wrist. His mouth was next to her ear, whispering something and blocking Shepard's face from Garrus' view as his mandible brushed the skin of her cheek and his breathe made her hair flutter.

Never in Garrus' life has the urge the kill someone over taken him so completely. Even Dr. Saleon couldn't hold a candle to the fire ripping apart his veins at that moment.

Garrus snarled as he launched himself at the other turian. Maybe, with a cooler head, he would have realized the hold on Shepard's hands was loose and that the turian never made the move to press his body forcibly on to hers.

He shoved the turian away from Shepard, making the turian's talons catch on the buckle at Shepard's throat and tear. Garrus' own talons ripped across the turian's chest as he forced him back, cutting through clothes and the top layer of his chest plating. The turian tumbled back as he tried to gain his balance.

_Don't touch her_, he meant to growl out verbally, but his words were unable to make it pass his clenched jaw as he advanced on the other man. _Don't ever touch her, _his subharmonics warned.

The turian faced him, just as Shepard grabbed his arm, and Garrus' temper cooled as he blinked in shock.

"Chellick?"

The hooded turian narrowed his bright green eyes at him. "_Vakarian?_" Then his eyes widened as he growled, "What the hell are you doing? You almost ripped my heart out." He rubbed at fresh groves in his plating.

Chellick was the closest thing Garrus had to a friend, not just on the force, but on the Citadel. He was very by the book and had the ambition to be Executor of C-Sec one day. The day Pallin retired Chellick would be the first choice to replace him. Not Garrus', but the safest out of the available candidates.

Garrus glared at him. "And what the hell are _you_ doing?"

"He was warning me to leave Jenna alone," Shepard said calmly from his side, her hand still on his arm as if she was expecting him to try and attack Chellick again. Garrus wasn't sure he wouldn't if she let go.

"By pinning you to a wall, Commander?" He asked, not taking his eyes off of his former colleague.

"Wait, 'Commander'?" Chellick looked at Shepard and groaned. "Commander _Shepard_? Just what the hell were you thinking? Taking to Jenna while she's undercover?" He looked hard at Garrus. "You, of all people, know better." He shook his head. "Still too hot-headed."

"Like attacking a civilian is the sign of a cool temper."

Chellick snapped his mandibles in annoyance at him. "Attack? By _your _standards that was a friendly chat. You do remember what happened at the old club 'Zero Gravity' we shut down? I believe _those _were civilians too."

_This is different, _Garrus thought. Thankfully, he had enough sense not to say that out loud, as he really couldn't explain why it was different without seeming like an emotional fool to the two present. Shepard was his friend and he would die before he let anything bad happen to her.

But Chellick didn't get as far as he did not being able to pick up obvious tells, and the way the man's piercing green eyes lingered on Shepard's hold on Garrus, and then with Garrus' blues, told him that he got the message pretty well.

Chellick frowned but, like a good detective, let it slide as he got back on topic. "How did you even know about Jenna being undercover, Commander?"

Finally satisfied Garrus wasn't about to try and take off Chellick's head, Shepard let go of his arm and stepped towards Chellick.

"Her sister, Rita, approached us and expressed concern that Jenna was in too deep and was in danger. So we came to see how bad it was. But seeing that C-Sec has been watching her it's not as bad as she thought."

Chellick let out a haggard sigh. "_Rita_; should have known. Girl's been making a fuss since Jenna volunteered. It might seem cold, letting her take all the risk but, as you see, we're keeping a close eye on her."

"What type of information is Jenna gathering?"

"I'm trying to track down an illegal arms producer. I just need some of their product without tipping them off." Chellick folded his arms. "Since you're _so_ concerned, Commander, maybe we can help each other out?"

"How's that?"

"From Jenna' intel I've learned there's a seller on the Citadel; a krogan named Jax. All I need is some product from him and I'll be able to let Jenna go."

Garrus scoffed. "How very noble of you."

Chellick narrowed his eyes at Garrus but went on. "I can set up a buy tonight and with your current attire I'm sure you won't be recognized."

"Why not send in C-Sec agents?"

"This isn't a bust. One hint that C-Sec's involved and all my leads disappear. You just need to go in, buy the mods he's selling, and get out. That's _all_."

"Alright," Shepard agreed and like that, one mission turned into another. Garrus was starting to miss ending things with shoot-outs as well.

"Lower wards in two hours." Chellick tapped on his omni-tool and Shepard's pinged, most likely with the contact information. "Contact me when you're done."

* * *

After rounding up Kaidan and leaving the Den, to both gather some weapons and let the alcohol leave their systems, Shepard stepped aside and radioed Joker, letting him know they would be out for some time more.

With one gun apiece (sadly only his assault and not his sniper) they sat on a bench at the tram station near the Markets to wait out the time.

Shepard gave a long sigh. "Will this day never end?" She fingered the torn buckle at her throat and Garrus felt a wave a guilt knowing she could have had a nasty cut thanks to his earlier haste.

"Not on the Citadel," he said as he looked away from her neck. "I always hated the perpetual daylight here; it really messes with your head if you've ever lived planetside."

"Yeah," both humans agreed.

Time dragged on before finally it was time to meet the seller. Garrus felt his stomach drop seeing that the buy was happening in the same place he and Liara had their shoot out with Dr. Michel's blackmailer. Hopefully history wasn't about to repeat.

_I never did catch that krogan's name…._

A large blue krogan was standing in the middle of a walkway (as krogans and subtly had never seen eye-to-eye) and Garrus almost pulled his gun. Luckily, he was to use to waiting for Shepard to act first and that gave him time to see red eyes, not green.

"Hold it," the krogan said. "That's close enough, _Red_." He snorted the last bit out in disgust and the half dozen turians behind him shifted with open hostility.

"Red?" Shepard questioned.

The krogan narrowed his eyes at her. "Don't think I don't know what you are?" Garrus inched his hand to his side, towards his gun, as the man talked.

"You Tenth Street fuckers are everywhere now. You all have that same stupid walk." He grunted. "But credits are credits." He looked at Garrus. "Guessin' these bigots are paying you well. Smart enough to turn to aliens when they need extra muscle." Then he finally got back on track. "You got my payment?"

"Yeah. Do you have the mods?"

Jax jerked his head to the side. "Show her the goods." One of the turians flanking Jax stepped forward with a plain silver case, deliberately walked past Shepard with a sneer, and opened it in front of Garrus.

"Looks good," Garrus confirmed as he took the case from the turian and the other man stepped back to his original place.

Jax tossed his head up and puffed out his chest. "Damn straight it is! These mods are the best on the market. Now hand over my credits."

Like lightening Shepard pulled out her gun and Garrus felt his heart speed up. "Freeze," she said calmly. "You're under arrest."

This was actually a surprising turn of events, as doing this meant she was screwing Chellick over. And seeing that Chellick was not on Garrus' good side at the moment, he was all for it.

Everyone pulled out their weapons as a turian cursed, "It's a bust!"

"What are you playing at, Red!" Jax yelled.

Then Shepard lowered her gun and laughed.

_What the hell?_ Everyone, including Garrus and Kaidan, gave her puzzled looks as they hesitated.

"Just kidding." She grinned as she held out a credit-chip. "Here's your money, Jax." Seeing that the krogan was making no move to get his payment, Shepard tossed it at his feet before turning to leave.

"Learn to take a joke, _Blue_," she called haughtily over her shoulder as Garrus and Kaidan covered their slow retreat.

Jax threw his gun down and yelled after her, "And that sense of humor of yours will get you killed, Red! Don't you _dare_ show your face to me again!"

Once a safe distance away, Garrus put away his gun and turned to look at the smiling commander.

"I'm a little disappointed, Commander; I was looking forward to that old-fashion shoot out you mentioned earlier."

She laughed. "Me too, but, you know, priorities and all." They both laughed as Kaidan shook his head.

"You two are just two peas-in-a-pod," he said.

"'Two peas?"

Shepard laughed harder. "This just isn't your day, huh big guy?"

Garrus thought about the day's events and found he wouldn't trade the three of them talking at the bar for anything. He gave a happy hum. "Just as long as I get to go on the next mission and shoot something, then today was a pretty good day, all-in-all."

Both of his friends agreed.


	14. Not Without Risk

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader:** Venn364

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

Not Without Risk

The _Normandy_ was currently at the Strenuus system in the Horse Head Nebula. They salvaged a battered probe that Tali was now happily disassembling, Shepard was hovering curiously behind her and handing the younger women tools as she asked for it, Garrus was doing normal maintenance on the Mako, and Wrex and Ashley were both working on their guns.

"Commander," Joker's voice called over the comm, "You've received an urgent message. It's from Rear Admiral Kahoku."

Everyone paused at their work and watched as Shepard hurried off to the CIC. The commander didn't come back until Joker announced they were en route to a mass relay.

As she exited the elevator the look on her face was one of grim determination. Tali glanced up curiously as she passed and Garrus tried his best to regard her calmly, as the look on her face was filling him with apprehension.

"You remember Admiral Kahoku?" she asked before he could even properly greet her. "It looks like he's in some trouble." Garrus stayed quiet as she started to pace in front of him. "That rouge sec, Cerberus, we keep hearing about? He found out they are behind his men's death and now they're after him." Her hand ran through her hair. "The admiral sent me the location of the base and he's on the run, but—"

Garrus reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her pacing. He wasn't sure why she was taking this so hard, maybe it was because not long ago she had looked the man in the eyes and told him that his recon team was dead; led into a seemingly pointless trap. Garrus had gone along—so had Kaidan—and the pain in the admiral's face was clear to the three present. Shepard had looked unsure as to what to say and had kept silent as they let the man absorb the news.

They had tentatively asked about Banes (his body was found, frozen, on a derelict ship) and left after arranging where to ship the bodies.

Shepard was quiet on the return trip to the _Normandy_, very pensive and thoughtful. She would send Kaidan and him long looks that he only caught a few times; he was sure that there were many more he hadn't.

He hoped that her strange luck would hold till the end of their mission to find Saren. If the mere thought of her crew dead made her so downcast, he didn't want to see what the real deal would do to her.

"Commander," Garrus flared his mandibles in a weak smile; with the way things had gone with Banes' trail he knew how grim the outcome could be. "I'm sure he didn't rush blindly away; he's an admiral of the Alliance and I'm sure he has ample protection."

Shepard's eyes glanced toward his hand and he worried if he had crossed the line. But her hand came up to his and took one of his larger fingers in her palm and lightly squeezed.

"You didn't hear his message," she said while holding his glaze. Gently, she moved out of his range as she let his finger go. She walked away a few step before saying, "Be ready."

"I will, Commander."

Garrus watched her walk away not liking the feeling in his gut.

* * *

Scanning the planet description of Binthu on his omni-tool almost made Garrus laugh at the blatant attempt to make the planet seem unappealing; it actually put the words 'surprisingly brief and generic' and 'unpleasant and uninteresting place' in the same sentence. If Garrus was given the job of patrolling this sector of the Yangtze System, this planet would be on the top of his list every time. Criminals, as Garrus has learned, aren't really the brightest group to deal with.

But to think that this ex-Alliance black ops group was hiding some of their key labs here—in the same place he would expect to find a slaver ring or a Blood Pack drug base—made him wonder just how capable this splinter group really was.

"Scan complete," Joker announced over the comm. "Pulling it up on the galaxy map."

The swirling cluster of stars and planet vanished and the surface of Binthu appeared outlined in bright orange in minute detail. Shepard stood, straight backed, as she looked over the map; fingers touching the interface and moving the image surprisingly quickly as she scanned, marked and noted every little detail. Garrus was enthralled to see how the commander's mind quickly absorbed and analyzed information. Garrus was following along easily and noted he was the only one able to do so, as the rest of the ground team was lost; some because this was a far cry from their own specialties and the others lacking the training—or raw skill—Shepard possessed.

The commander frowned as she highlighted three identical structures all closely built to each other. Again, Garrus found himself questioning this rogue sec; with the whole planet to work with, why put all three near each other? They were just far enough apart that coming to the aid of each other couldn't have factored into the decision. Any decent shuttle could transverse the planet in a few hours at worst, so travel couldn't have been an issue.

Shepard layered the thermal scans over the map and the two most northern buildings were near double in heat-signatures. It was thanks to the _Normandy_'s advance stealth drive that they were able to swing in close enough, as well as remain undetected long enough, to even take the scans. It was a rare gift in an operation to know the exact number and placement of the enemy and the commander would use this to the best of her ability.

Commander Shepard turned to her team and stood with hands behind her back. Garrus had a momentary flashback to his first tour; his turian captain standing in the same towering stance during a debriefing. It was the first mission he had been brought on as the older, more experienced crew hadn't known what to do with the young expert sniper and close range combat specialist. They finally decide to bring him along on a raid on a remote planet that turned out to be home to a now extinct mercenary group; The Novae. Garrus remembered the respect the turian captain had commanded with his first _sentence_, but it paled in comparison to Shepard's pure _presence_.

She was better than she was down in the cargo hold, he could see no visible distress. A strange calmness was oozing from her and Garrus could feel himself relax back onto the wall behind him.

_Battlemaster Shepard has a nice ring to it, _he though as her steely gaze acknowledged him in her sweep of the team. She didn't bother to look at the _Normandy_'s crew members; who were all watching the briefing curiously with stolen glaze from their stations, as it wasn't often a briefing happened outside the meeting room.

"There are three bases," she announced, "two with notable higher life-sign readings." The team all sifted eagerly as they waited for her to pick the third for the surface team. Un-expectantly, she turned back to the map and enlarged the three bases so they appeared side-by-side. She pointed to the first building.

"Williams, T'Soni, and Zorah will hit the north complex with Williams as lead. Alenko, Vakarian, and Wrex will hit the northwest complex with Alenko as lead. I'll take the south complex." Shepard didn't pause as they all stared at her with stunned faces. "Scans show constant comm chatter between bases and ready shuttles and land rovers; if one is hit the rest will scatter. So we only have one shot at this. Our objective is to shut down these faculties and—if he's been captured—to rescue Rear Admiral Kahoku. I want as much data salvaged as possible; Garrus and Tali will responsible for date collection.

"Once we land radio silence and noise discipline will be maintained. Both teams will have thirty minutes to get into position around their faculties before I head into mine. Then, after five, both teams will engage the enemy with or without my signal." Shepard face was unnervingly passive as she asked, "Questions?"

_Are you insane? _was the first thing in Garrus' head. But, seeing that was out of line, Garrus tried to think of valid ones, as only flaws in her plan would make her change it.

'_It doesn't matter what I want; personal feelings have no place in a mission.'_

Kaidan was the first to speak up. "You're going in alone, Shepard?" That was probably the biggest issue to the majority of them, but Garrus—even if he didn't like it—could understand her being the solo member. With her new cloaking system she had an advantage none of them did on their own.

The commander responded evenly as she turned to Alenko. "Williams, T'Soni, and Zorah are all specialists that balance each other out perfectly on a three man team. You, Wrex, and Vakarian even each other out perfectly as well with regards to tech, biotics, and combat capability. My N7 training and cloak both fair better for me going solo." Her tone was not rebuking as she explained her reasoning and Kaidan ended up give reluctant nod. He stepped back slightly; his body still tight with tension as Shepard's words only served to please the marine, not the man underneath.

Wrex made an agitated grumble in the back of this throat and was next to speak; "And why is _he_ lead?"

Again, Garrus could see why. With Ashley's group, she had the most combat experience so she was an easy choice. Wrex was used to working with little regard for a teammate's health. Even after months Wrex was still a 'shoot-first give medi-gel after shooting one more time' kind of guy. And if Garrus was busy hacking every console he ran into it would, logically, divert his attention.

Not that it would, both he and Shepard could hack and plan and Shepard knew it, so it had to be another reason.

Garrus tilled his head as he listened to her answer the warlord. "Alenko has worked and led ground teams in the past. I'm unfamiliar with Vakarian's military career and you're still getting the finer points of team base battle down." She ended with a pointed look at the krogan.

"You will be without biotic protection," Liara took a step forward. "Surely taking me, Wrex, or Kaidan and having two teams of two and one of three will fare better, Shepard."

Over time it was clear that, while Shepard had no romantic interest in the young asari, she still had a soft spot for her. Tali too. He figured it had to be that they were essentially civilians that were dragged into this battle. If Saren and the geth weren't out making trouble Garrus, Wrex, Shepard, Ash, and Kaidan would all still be knee deep in bullets, Tali would have completed her Pilgrimage by now and Liara would be 'oohing' and 'ahhing' at some old Prothean pillar.

But either Shepard finally figured it was time to stop treating the doctor with gloves on or she was unable to care while the admiral's fate maybe in their hands.

"I've already explained that." No heat behind her words, just cold fact. Liara wavered before she stuck her chin in the air near defiantly; Shepard cut her off before she could speak again. "I understand you're worried, but trust me when I say this give us our best chance." The look she gave Liara made Garrus shift uneasily and he wonder how much backbone the archaeologist had picked up over this trip to be able to meet Shepard's gaze like that.

Tali spoke up, standing next to Liara and surely wearing the same look. "But you've always said we work as a _team_."

Ashley shifted as she gave a small nod— most likely to herself—before voicing her thoughts. "No disrespect, Skipper, but working solo as an N grade Infiltrator was a long time ago." Kaidan had stepped next to the three, showing his earlier reservation was still there.

Fury. For one brief second, hot fury had broken past Shepard's mask before she pulled her face back into its best blank look, but there was no masking her heated eyes.

The look had made the four flinch and Garrus suppressed panic as the commander turned to him and calmly asked, "And you?"

Garrus was used to questioning CO's and police chiefs. That was the reason he was the best-of-the-best, with a curiosity to learn and a sense of duty that never wavered; and his commanding officers were _still_ glad to see him go. Normally, someone of his skill would have been asked to stay in service. The asking, of course, was for show. If the military wanted you, then they had you.

But this wasn't questioning; it was doubt. Shepard's crew doubted her and it pissed her off.

And it pissed him off too.

After all this time, he may _worry _about her, but he didn't _doubt_ her. Doubt makes people hesitate at all the wrong moments. It makes them second guess a good plan and waste time better spent doing anything else. And if they doubted her, the last thing they needed was for her to go in alone (as her mind was already stubbornly set on it) mentally distracted because of them.

_Alone_. Garrus forced his mandibles flat as he clenched his fits behind his back. She was going to go into a fight without him or the crew there as back up. Ashley was right; it had been awhile since she worked solo.

'_No vitals detected'_. Garrus forcefully pushed that memory away. It was clear what he had to say.

"I don't like it," he started and he could see not only members of the ground team relax, but the listening crew too; she has always listened to him when it came to the technical aspects of the mission.

Garrus met Shepard's gaze and gave her a small nod. "But you're right; this is our best choice short of calling for aid." He flared his mandibles in a hollow smile as some of the fury blazing in her eyes died out. "I just have to trust you'll keep that ass of yours in one piece."

She traced over the team and said, "I know this differs from the usual but I expect you all to give your best. Now, unless your questions have anything not to do with my perceived lack of safety, then I'll move on." She explained all the last minute details before sending the team down to get their gear.

The _Normandy_ would need to land as the Mako wouldn't be able to accommodate their larger team. Since Garrus and Shepard were already suited up, they both hovered in the cockpit as Joker landed the ship as close to the complexes as he could, which was closer than any other ship could manage, and they ended up almost right on top of the bases.

They left the cockpit and waited quietly at the airlock doors for the ground team. He leaned on a wall, arms folded and head bent. Shepard stood next to him with slight hesitation.

With a great effort he managed a very civil tone as he softy said, "I don't like this." His sub-harmonics were flat and the sound made her turn to him before going back to staring at the wall across from them.

"Neither do I," her voice wavered, only for a moment, but Garrus caught it and he made his heart ache. She needed a clear head for this and he was sure some of the team's doubt had wormed its way past the commander's resolve.

Garrus was smart enough to know which Shepard he was dealing with. The woman pacing down in the cargo hold, worrying for her admiral, was Commander Shepard. The woman standing with fire in her eyes in the CIC, staring down her crew, was the captain of the ship. And the woman now standing close enough to touch, with a far off stare at nothing, was Shepard, his friend.

Garrus unfolded his arms and hooked one around her shoulders, she leaned into his hold and her head rested on his shoulder. He rested his head on hers and his mandibles gently flexed against her skull; rustling her fine hairs and causing her scent to flood more powerfully around them. She hooked an arm around his waist and he saw her eyelashes flutter as her eyes closed and she let out a small breath.

"I'm more worried about how all of you will fair without me there barking orders," she said with a weak, but genuine, laugh. "Wrex and Tali both have stubborn streaks that Kaidan and Ashley might not be able to handle."

"Liara's a good peacemaker when it counts and I've handled both Kaidan and Wrex drunk; so don't worry," he ended with a squeeze of her shoulders.

His commander pulled back slightly to meet his eyes and, from both his close proximity and his visor, he noticed a slight increase in her body temp and heartbeat; he thought it was embarrassment from this moment of weakness before a mission, but she was smiling softly at him with bright eyes.

"And I'm _Commander Shepard_; so don't you worry your pretty little head." Her smile turned into a teasing grin.

Garrus gave a thoughtful hum as he raised a brow plate in a human gesture (one that took him quite a while to master as his plates refused to even budge at first). "Nonchalant, smooth and now pretty? You know how to make a guy feel good."

Her grin turned wicked just as Garrus realized the opening he gave her. She didn't disappoint.

"Oh, you have _no_ idea."

He groaned as he pushed the laughing commander away from him.

* * *

"Go."

The commander's calm voice broke comm-silence and they took out the two mounted turrets on the base's roof. Garrus with a well-aimed sniper bullet at one, that sliced between the metal panels and took out the hydraulics, causing the turret to droop comically down and shoot into the base itself, and Wrex and Kaidan with a loud cry as they combined their biotics to rip the other turret from its place.

No guards were posted outside but from the _Normandy_'s readings they knew to expect a fight once inside. Garrus hacked the door lock and Kaidan rushed ahead with Wrex and Garrus following. The first room was empty and Kaidan signaled for them to take point alongside the door to the next room as he readied to open it. Once Garrus and Wrex were in place he opened the door and stepped to the side.

They waited a heart-beat and then turned around to corner—Garrus then Wrex—and entered the short hall. Garrus noted the heavy silence that was harshly broken each time a door opened and closed as they did the same to the next door. It was too quiet, but he knew that wouldn't last.

They finally enter the main chamber and, in the center, was a glowing blue field that seemed to be acting as a cage. His visor picked up a dozen beings lumbering around inside and was surprised to see that they were thorain creepers. How did Cerberus manage to get a hold of twenty (make that eighteen, as two had collided with each other and exploded in a shower of green goo) creepers?

He gave a sweep of the room and his visor found the rest of the heat-signatures that the _Normandy_ had picked up hidden around the room. The lack of an attack showed that they were waiting for them to round the corners of the cage and attack from their cover.

"Garrus, get to the terminal, we'll cover." Kaidan gestured to the console set along their side of the cage. Kaidan headed to the right end and Wrex took the left as Garrus darted to the center. The creepers fumbled around their cage but never came to the blue wall itself, even as they turned their hollow eyes towards him.

Cerberus commandos and technicians alike popped up and began shooting at his teammates. Garrus hoped the information they needed wasn't purged as he approached the diagnostic station, which was giving off readings from the subjects inside.

Just as his talons went to touch the interface it flared a bright red and a VI's voice announced over the base's speaker; "Unauthorized personnel detected." The console locked itself.

"What did you do?" Kaidan asked as he watched Garrus' right.

"I didn't even touch it!" he defended as he worked at unlocking it.

The comm flared to life and Tali's spoke in an urgent tone; "Something's happened, Commander. Before I could even touch the station it locked down!"

"Same here," Garrus bit out as he turned in favor of taking out a sniper who had sneaked up to their side and was aiming her sights on Wrex.

"Likewise," Shepard huffed.

"There are creepers here," Kaidan informed.

"And we have some creepy little spider things here," Ashley added.

"Rachni?" Wrex said with excitement. Krogans _always_ thought it was Rachni.

"It's impossible, but I believe so," said Liara, followed by the warping sound of biotics.

Wrex looked both excited and tense. "The small ones are workers; only a problem in swarms."

"Well they are _swarming_," Ashley grunted.

Tali interrupted, "It looks the lockdown can be bypassed, but the cage will be disabled."

"Do it. Same to you, Garrus," Shepard ordered.

"On it," Garrus replied. Tali explained how to disable it and once on the right track he and Shepard managed the rest.

All hell broke loose as the creepers dashed from their open cell, they went for the hiding Cerberus team first; clearly they were capable of some thought as they chose to first attack their captors before the strange newcomers.

_Wait, _he thought, _what's in Shepard's lab?_

The comm was still open and Garrus shuddered at the screeches the Rachni made. But a piercing, almost deafening sound came from the comm that drowned out the far weaker cries. His visor told him it was from Shepard's line as it tried to hold the connection over the distortion.

Wrex froze. "That cry echoes in my blood." Wrex's shotgun shagged in his hand. "I would know it in death; A rachni soldier. Not a child like the workers but a true opponent."

The cry boomed again and this time was accompanied by a stream of human curses. "Why is it always acid?" Shepard said more to herself than them.

"Shepard!" Liara called, "Are you alright?"

"Busy!" she yelled back.

It was chaos, really. The creepers were now attacking both Kaidan's team and Cerberus, with Cerberus attacking creepers and the team, and the team attaching both back. With the added problem of the noise from the comm and the all the gunfire, biotics, and shrieks, Garrus was amazed he could even think, let alone hack.

That's why Garrus was surprised he heard Kaidan's warning in the first place. "Wrex! His left! You're supposed to watch his—"

Then everything went dark.


	15. A Confession Lost

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader:** Venn364

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

A Confession Lost

There was a slight buzz in Garrus' ears. His vision was dark, but not oppressively so. He could tell he was awake, and the fact he was waking up told he was knocked out at some point. He mustn't have been too badly off, as he found a small bit of humor in it. After all, this was the first time anyone from the ground team had been rendered unconscious and he never thought it would be him.

He wasn't sure if his body's languid feel and odd the pressure on his right side were from whatever blow he suffered or drugs; he hoped drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.

Slowly his eyes opened to dim lights and it was almost too bright to keep them open. He opted to blink a few more times than needed as they adjusted.

Not one to put off the inevitable—just because it might be unsavory—he looked to his right; the pressure on his arm was a sleeping Tali. She was using his bare arm as a pillow, which confused him a bit since she wouldn't be able to feel the difference between the metal bed and his arm, so why do it? Garrus peered into her violet mask and was sure he could see the faint outline of her quarian features, not unlike asari and human. The light on her speaker twinkled with her each of her breath and even in her sleep her mask showed her eyes a glowing arches.

Garrus flexed his hand; as it had gone numb with Tali pressing down on his plating and cutting off his circulation. Slowly, he tried pulling his arm free. But it was locked in her grip and his movement woke her.

She woke with a jerk as she sat up and, seeing him staring back at her, she gave a delighted cry as she hugged him.

Then she said… something. She pulled away, standing with hands on hips, and her eyes narrowed at him. And again she said something he didn't understand.

He blinked at her. "Uh, sorry?" He looked down at where his omni-tool should be and noticed it had been removed. But even with it removed it should still run the translation program through his visor… where was his visor?

"Where's my omni-tool?" He made a gesture to his wrist, which wasn't needed since her own translating program was programmed into both her suit and omni-tool. "And my visor." He tapped his head and flinched as he head exploded with pain. He noticed someone had stuffed a pillow between his head and cowl. He pulled the pillow loose and again his head and fringe ached.

Tali smacked the heel of her palm to her head before pulling up her tool.

"I said," she spoke in turian and her words were even dueled. Most programs didn't bother with subharmonics, since it wasn't needed and often glitched with the voice cues. His own program left the voices as is and Garrus found he appreciated that as Tali's new voice was kind of creeping him out. "You bosh'tet, you! Don't ever do that again!" Even though he knew she was upset, her undertones growled out happily.

"I'm not really sure what I did…" he trailed off as he sat up and lightly rubbed his fringe. She noticed his discomfort as he flinched again.

"I'll go get the doctor." Tali hurried off to the back room were the medical team slept, and came back with Chakwas and a sleepy, but alert, Liara.

He was surprised by Liara's hug and she said something he was sure was his name.

"Okay," he laughed as she pulled away. "How close to death was I?" Their uncomfortable faces told he had been pretty damn close and he laughed again. "Glad to be alive then." Then he rolled his eyes. "And where is my tool?"

"Broken," Tali said. "Shepard sold all the spares on the last trip to the Citadel so she's in her room trying to fix yours. She has your visor, too."

Chakwas said something to Tali and she translated it to him. "She wants to run some test. The blow you took was… bad."

Chakwas was quick with her test, she gave him some pills for his throbbing head (which worked almost instantly) and at the end she asked him stand to check his balance. He stood, a little wobbly, after removing the thin sheet over him and looked down. He had assumed he was naked and, being both not shy and a fully plated turian, he was okay with it.

This… this he was not okay with.

"What the hell?" He was puzzled. "Who stuffed me into these?"

Someone had taken the time to try and preserve his modesty by putting him into a thin pair of standard human hospital pants. It was too short and to small and ragged holes had been cut for his leg and hip spurs.

He looked ridiculous.

The three before him must have found his confusion funny as both Liara and Chakwas were fighting their smiles and Tali had a hand to her face. Tali's shoulders hunched together and he knew her answer was not going to be good.

"Wrex." Her word was accompanied by an amused hum.

The idea of being manhandled by the krogan into a pair of human pants was something that was sure to haunt him years from now. At his stunned, disbelieving (and slightly sacred) face the three women lost it.

Once they recovered from laughing Liara and Chakwas said a few things and Tali nodded.

"We think he felt bad. You got hurt because he wandered off too far from your left…" Tali's mood soured as she went on. "It was bad. We all got hurt; but you were the worse. And… the admiral is dead." He knew the sad rumble was true to her feelings.

"How is everyone?" He looked over Tali then Liara. Tali seemed fine but Liara was favoring a leg, the same one hurt on Feros. Liara gave him a reassuring smile.

"Everyone but you and Shepard were shot." With armor and med-gel they wouldn't even have a scar by weeks end.

"Infection?"

"No, I'm clean." She hesitated. "Shepard was impaled by a rachni soldier." Then quickly added; "She's fine! But, keelah, there was so much blood…" Tali looked away as she rubbed her upper arms. "The data had the location of Cerberus' main base; we're heading their now before they get word of what happened."

"How long was I out?"

"Half-cycle. You should go see Wrex. He'll never admit it, but he was worried."

Garrus glanced down at his pants and sighed. "Alright. Where's my body-suit?"

"In your locker," Tali said then slowly added, "Want me to go get it?" The translator gave a weird clicking sound and he was dead sure who ever made the program she was using had just made shit up, as he had never made that sound, nor heard it, in his entire life. He wasn't a damn bird.

"No," he deadpanned. "I want to walk around wearing these." He pulled at the pants' fabric. He could rip them off, but being naked in the med-bay was a far cry from shaking his bare ass through the _Normandy_; no way would Shepard let that slide.

"Oh, lucky you," she said as she turned to leave with more clicking and a slight squawk.

He grabbed her shoulders and glared at her. He knew her well enough to know she was angling for something. "What do you want?"

Her eyes arched. "Your new omni-tool. We both know even if Shepard can fix your current one she's still going to buy you a new one. And I heard her mention a savant." Loud tweets filled the room as she talked.

Garrus jaw dropped. "A savant? From Serrice Council?" He scoffed, "You _have_ to be insane." He turned to Liara just as Tali hit her omni-tool and turned off her suit's translator. She said something that made Liara look helplessly between her and Garrus. Chakwas had disappeared back to bed at some point.

"Liara…," he near pleaded. But Tali said something else that made the asari turn purple and Garrus had an idea about what Tali was saying. Liara gave him a sorry look before she hurried off into the back room.

Garrus felt himself twitch. "You know, you're not doing any good to your people's image as thieves."

Tali pointed to his pants and Garrus sagged in defeat.

"Fine," he said. She hugged him as she gave a happy squeak, which translated as a loud 'caw-caw!' as she ran out.

He couldn't help but yell out, "I'm not a bird!"

Alone in the med-bay, Tali's words caught up to him.

'_Impaled.'_

Slowly Garrus poked his head out of the med-bay. If anyone saw him he would have given away his savant for nothing. It had to be a sleep-cycle as no crew was present and even Kaidan wasn't at his station. With the coast clear he hurried across to the captain's cabin. If she was asleep he could come back later (or, if the door was unlocked, dart in, get his things, and do a quick check of the commander's state).

The door was unlocked and he entered. The light was on and looking ahead showed an empty bed. He found her sitting at her work terminal with her feet up and arms folded behind her head. She was wearing a white tank top and loose pants and Garrus scanned any uncovered flesh for fresh wounds. Not seeing any, he advanced into her room.

"Commander," he greeted but she didn't move.

_Did she fall asleep like that?_ He wondered as he stepped a little closer. He kept his distance—as surprising someone with Shepard's skill set was not a good idea—but could hear the hard thump of music. She had it blaring in her ears from her comm and without his translator all he could only tell it was human music. Her face was slightly pulled together like she had one of Kaidan's headaches. She hissed out something, low and angry, that didn't match the tempo of the song so he knew she wasn't singing along.

Maybe he should come back later? While missions and assignment may change on them last minute, they have always come out on top. This was the first time they clearly failed and Shepard had to be taking it hard.

"Commander?" He called out louder this time and her eyes snapped open.

The look on her face was too human for him to read. He could tell it was a mix of emotions but was too muddled for him to tell which ones. Slowly, he bent down to her side and smiled at her.

"Hey, please tell me you have my tool fixed. I've been at Tali's mercy, and we both know she has none."

He expected a laugh, chuckle, or even a half-smile. She just stared at him. Was she mad at him? Tali didn't give him a lot of details and he didn't want to push her, as she was still upset about it, but did his injury ruin the mission? Even if Wrex had let someone through, Garrus should have noticed on his own. The fact he was struck down spoke more about his distracted state of mind than Wrex's own neglect.

"Sorry." He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, but she finally broke from her trance. She turned off her music and stood. He stood as well and waited as she did a quick scan of him. He almost laughed thinking she was checking him for injuries just like he did her.

"Not funny," he growled as she looked at his pants with a hint of surprise. As he was a glutton for punishment, he foolishly added, "Apparently when a krogan dresses you in your sleep, you get this." But her smile was worth his embarrassment as both hands flew to her mouth and she started laughing. She said something before grinning up at him.

"Can't understand you," he said with a shrug. Again she spoke, but this time she stepped to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and looking up at him with her chin on his chest. The light in her eyes blinded him for a second and he wondered how hard he was hit in the head as he recovered from his slight daze.

Garrus ignored the trill that shot through him as she touched the thinner, more flexible, plates of his waist. She couldn't know that they were thinner there, the thinnest on his stomach, so his pelvic plates could shift when… ah, _by the Spirits_, why was he thinking of that right now?

She repeated herself slowly and he finally caught on as he worked on clearing his strangely muddled head.

"I'm glad you're okay too." Somehow, she smiled even wider and he was glad she wasn't mad at him.

Not sure what to do with his hands, he placed them on her hips and kept them still. But he ended up pulling her harder to him as her fingers grazed between the plates on his back. Normally, humans were cool to the touch, but she was pleasingly warm as her soft body pressed to his harder one.

Shepard said a word, long and slow.

His name. She was saying his name. It sounded strange in her human tongue. Like soft air blowing through the trees in the jungle; making music that wasn't quite right, but still very much appealing. That comparison sent a wave of homesickness coursing through him. Which was strange; since not once in ten years did it happen before. The memory of Shepard standing in Cipritine coliseum—a childhood haunt—only increased the feeling.

Breaking his third hug of the day, she pulled back and Garrus forced himself to let her go. His reluctance surprised him as he was enjoying the feel of her little fingers between his plates. But the reason _why_ he was enjoying it was borderline shameful as she was unaware of the fire she was evoking in his gut.

A fire he knew he shouldn't feel for many reasons.

Garrus quickly asked about his omni-tool and visor. She pointed to her table and shook her head. His tool was disassembled and he didn't bother to try to fix it. If Shepard couldn't repair it, he doubted he could. Thank the Spirits his visor was in one piece.

He hesitated before putting it on as he asked, "Are you all right?" She nodded and he was dead sure she was saying 'I'm fine'.

He remembered the look on her face as he entered the room and folded his arms as he said, "Because things went _so _well."

She glared before walking over to her couch to sit down. He sat next to her as she rested her elbows on her knees and pressed the heel of her palms to her eyes.

For a second he was reluctant to touch her—seeing his not-so-welcomed reaction to hers—but realized her distress was greater than his discomfort and rubbed her back as he asked, "You found him?" There was no needed to say who 'he' was. She nodded as she let her hands hang between her legs.

"Dead?" Another nod. "Well it was out of your hands. You came as soon as you received his message."

She muttered something dark and Garrus sighed. "It's not your fault." Why did he always need to remind her of that?

His commander jumped up and turned to him, sounding angry. He met her eyes as he grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. "Blaming yourself is nice and noble and all, but you have to let this one go."

Garrus knew that it was easier said than done. There were many cases that still haunted him, with people he didn't fully know but still felt the weight of their lives. Whether their lives were ended or irrevocably changed, he knew they had counted on C-Sec, on people like him, to keep them safe. Each body, each victim, was a sign of his failure and a reminder of why he hadn't wanted that job in the first place.

It was too personal. He had tried to explain that to his father. Being a Spectre meant working on a bigger scale. He would have seen victims of all races throughout his missions, but their names would just be names. Faces would just be faces. He would feel for them and find them justice, but it would end there

He wouldn't know that the young dead human named Tanya used to giggle with her friends as they passed the new recruits at the Academy, before she was murdered. He wouldn't see the hollow eyes of her friends as he patrolled the Wards for months after.

It would have only saddened him for a moment to learn a young turian boy—Arrian—had a friend who had fallen in with the wrong crowd and they had both been in the wrong place at the wrong time during a C-Sec raid; the same Arrian that had approached him multiple times for tips because he was born on the Citadel and saw joining C-Sec as his duty.

He would _still_ not have a twist in his gut from the young asari named Shari—who looked teenage by human standards but had the mentality of a ten year-old—whom had wandered into a human teenage party were nothing ended well for anyone involved. Her crying as she clutched his armor, ill from the human liquor in her system and not understanding why a certain area hurt, and the human boy's face as the realization of what happened—what was _going_ to happen—sobered him up.

Failing the mission today had only risked his life and the lives of his crew; the lives of people who made the choice to run towards danger so others could run away. Failing at C-Sec meant there was nowhere to run.

Shepard voice pulled him from his thoughts and he could hear his name in her next few sentences as she pulled away. She looked frustrated as she placed her hand on her hips and said him name again in her last sentence, this time with a bit of force. His darker thoughts had distracted him so he was unable to catch onto her meaning.

A gasp from the door made them both turn. Tali was standing with his under-suit (about time) and her glowing were eyes wide behind her mask.

"You what?" She said in turian, with an undertone of jealously (at least the damn thing was using real turian cues, even if it was still glitching), before dropping his clothes and pulling up her omni-tool. She turned off her suit translator and sent a string of quarian questions at the commander.

Garrus has seen Shepard flustered before, but the color of her cheeks was the deepest he's ever seen. It was confusing hearing Shepard and Tali rapidly talk to each other in two different languages, but Garrus was able to tell one thing; they were talking about him. He was able to tell what his name sounded like in Tali's language as she clearly gestured to him when she said it.

Garrus confusion only increased as Tali was near yelling and Shepard was… pleading?

"Whoa!" he called as he stood up with his hands out, "What's going on?" he looked at Tali.

The younger women turned her suit translator back on, "Nothing. Apparently nothing." She picked up his suit and handed it to him before leaving.

Garrus stood there stunned before Shepard hurried out the room after her.

"_Okay_…" Garrus glanced around the empty room, hoping for an answer.

* * *

Whatever happened between the two women was quickly resolved. Shepard, Tali, and Wrex went planet-side once they arrived at Nepheron, but that wasn't why Garrus knew they were better.

They had salvaged an omni-tool for him from the base and gave it to him once they exited the Mako. Wrex was actually the one who shoved it in his hands with a grumble, and Garrus was trying to think of ways to tell the warlord he didn't owe him anything. The turian wasn't sure if he would stay sane very long if Wrex stayed… nice.

As he slipped the tool onto his arm Tali called out to Shepard, just as the commander was headed to the lift. "Make sure it's a savant! He owes me!"

To which Shepard smirked as she caught his eye. "Of course."

Garrus was starting to really miss turian women; they were a lot more well-balanced than females of other species; and as hard as it was not to ask, Garrus had a feeling this was one of those things you just had to let go...

… Or blackmail out of a little quarian girl.


	16. Sticks & Stones

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader:** Venn364

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

Sticks & Stones

It had been a week since they finally put the Banes issue to an uneasy rest and Garrus still had some questions that the Cerberus base had no answers to.

Questions such as how Banes had blackmailed Dr. Michel when he was dead at the time? Unfortunately, he could only take wild guesses; maybe it wasn't the same Banes? Or perhaps someone else had known about their history and used the man's name as a grantee that the doctor would cooperate? Why had Cerberus killed him and then killed the recon group that found the body, an action which had only drawn attention to them? It felt like a huge chunk was missing, but Garrus wasn't a detective anymore. There was no reason to keep digging, the issue was closed by Alliance standards and Shepard had made it clear they couldn't waste any more time chasing ghosts.

Yet, Garrus was still thinking about it, largely from boredom. Doctor Chakwas hadn't cleared him for duty; and while everyone joked he had a thick skull, the blow to his head had rendered him unconscious and they hadn't been able to get him medical aid for a half-hour. Everyone knew that a blow to the head that you didn't immediately wake up from was something you may _never_ wake up from.

Plus—as some type of messed up cosmic bonus—the blow had sent him into the console just as the close range biotic shockwave hit it. With his omni-tool attached and the fail-safes disabled, the system had overloaded and sent a surge of electricity up into his tool; frying it, plus most of his suit's hardware, and giving him a good old electric shock.

Chakwas had kept a close eye on him during the week, making sure he didn't strain himself with working on the Mako or his gear for too long. He had been forced to sleep in the med-bay, which he only agreed to because of Chakwas' stern lecture and the clear worry on Tali and Liara's faces, as both had taken to hovering around him more than usual. Shepard had made an effort to seek him out more than usual as well and he was feeling slightly suffocated with all the attention he was getting. He noted to be extra careful next time he was in combat if they were going to be—as Joker called them—mother hens. Once the pilot explained what a hen was and why it was motherly, Garrus agreed with the assessment.

Although, it looked like it was his turn to worry right now. Matriarch Benezia was here. A matriarch, good or bad, was no joke. The commander, Liara, and Wrex were out searching for her and Novaria wasn't the most pleasant planet they'd traversed. He hoped that they wouldn't need to leave the facility that they were docked at, but Shepard's missions tended to go ways no one could have planned.

He was mostly worried for Liara. Garrus had his own family issues, but the very thought of turning a gun on his mother or father unsettled him greatly. While Liara had claimed over and over that she was never close with her mother, that didn't mean she would be able to hurt or kill the older asari.

"Hey man," Joker greeted as Garrus entered the cockpit. Seeing that Chakwas had run him from the cargo-bay, Garrus figured that this was as good as place as any to wait out the surface team's return.

The world beyond them was a white blur of snow and ice, already there was a fine sheet of it along the _Normandy_'s hull and it would not be long before the ship was covered in it. Garrus lowered himself into the co-pilot's seat and involuntarily shivered.

"I hate snow." He glared out the window.

"You and me both," Joker sighed as he leaned back. "That stuff's a death trap for me."

Garrus angled his head slightly towards him. "Slip and die in a winter wonderland?"

"Try snowball fights; might as well throw rocks at me." Joker leaned forward and hit a few keys before sitting back.

"Yeah, I imagine that wouldn't be very fun." Garrus laced his fingers together over his stomach as he stared at the streaks of white and ice-blue, the metal of the docking hanger was almost completely hidden.

They were quiet for a short while before Joker cleared his throat. "You know…"

"Hmm?"

"The commander's really loosened up lately. You'd think chasing down Saren and his crazy would put her on edge, but it's the near opposite."

"True. How long have you known her?"

"Not long. After the _Normandy_'s commission I was assigned as her pilot. I was onboard about a week before Captain Anderson requested Shepard's transfer from serving under Admiral Hackett. She kept to herself mostly, didn't talk to anyone beyond what was needed. Nihlus came aboard for the shakedown and that's all she wrote."

Garrus never got the details of how this mission had started, just a rough outline. He didn't bother asking Shepard for more info; both because it wasn't necessary and because the commander wasn't really approachable in the beginning.

"The Spectre Saren killed?" The Council kept the identities of their Spectres top secret. Shepard was the expectation to the rule because she was the first human made Spectre; the Council wasn't about to keep secret something that would win them so much good will with the ever increasing human population. She was a pawn in their game with the humans, but Garrus was willing to bet they were finally realizing they had bitten off more than they could chew with her. She clearly saw her duty to the Council as secondary to her duty to the Alliance. After all, why hold their authority above her own kind when the Council was still dancing around them?

He had heard the frustration and desperation in Shepard's voice when they'd answered the distress beacons of human colonies along the edge of the Traverse, only to arrive too late; _"I may not like Udina, but he has a point. The Council wants us to colonize new sections, knows we have a limited military presence in the area, and then won't protect the colonies themselves? They want us to fend for ourselves, yet answer to them? We've made it clear we want to work together, we want to _learn_, but they just keep dragging their feet. I just don't get it."_

Garrus didn't have to heart to tell Shepard that that was the problem; humanity's ambition. All of the other races were content with one role, even the Council races; turians were the military might, salarians the medical force and the asari were the unspoken peace keepers. But humanity had no one goal in mind. They wanted to grow their fleets, expanded their technology, interact with every race and insert themselves in every problem. Humans were the first beings in the galaxy to be _everywhere_ and do _everything_. For every inch the Council gave them they took another foot. Garrus had learned that when a human wanted change, they wanted it in _their_ life time. So while other species were still waiting generations for a Council seat, the humans clearly expected sooner results.

Garrus had never been one for patience, but he could only hope that their haste didn't get the best of them, as the fallout would not be good. The genophage might seem callous to humans, but it was better than genocide and it only worked because the krogan have never had the expertise to cure it themselves. If a cure to the disease was possible, it would come from its creators.

Something like that would never work with humans. With humans it _would_ be war and, maybe, extermination.

"Yeah," Joker said. "Creeped me out, Kaidan was all like 'oh it's cool, the Council has _a right_ to spy on us'—this was before we knew he was here for Shepard—and Shepard? She thought I was overreacting; 'you always expect the worse'. Then, _bang_, Nihlus and Jenkins are dead same day and Shepard's taking crazy 'bout bogymen coming to get us. Anderson had such complete faith in her we didn't doubt her for a second."

"Jenkins?"

"I didn't know him that well. Shepard took him, Nihlus, and Kaidan down; came back with Kaidan and Ashley. Pretty sure he was a proverbial red shirt."

"A _what_?"

"Nothing. Anyway, I'm glad Shepard let you guys join up. Would have lost my mind if all I had to watch was Kaidan drooling after Shepard."

That was something he was grateful for too. After his confrontation with Pallin about his investigation into Saren, and his short encounter with the commander, he had spent the whole day analyzing his situation—the dead end of his investigation, the blind eyes of his superiors and the Council, his frustration at C-Sec—it all crashed down on him at once.

Commander Shepard was his way out and he knew it.

Tracking her down had proven difficult and it didn't help that he had to deal with a hostage situation along the way. It took him longer than he liked to part with the shaken Dr. Michel and by the time he was sure she had calmed down he was informed by a contact at the docking bay that the _Normandy_ was readying for departure. Somehow, he managed to head the commander off and plead his case. She remembered his face and had greeted him by name. Then, when he was ready to defend himself against any doubts she had, she merely said 'okay'.

That threw him, so used to fighting for things he wanted, her easy acceptances felt more like a trap than anything else. Once onboard he met her other new crew members and wondered if she was starting some odd collection of space misfits. Even her pilot was defective—wait a second….

"_You spy on me_?" His brain finally caught up to Joker's words. Honestly, talking to the brittle pilot was more of a passive activity as Jeff seemed happy enough to yak away to anyone who would listen.

"Not _spy_," he grinned, "I like keeping an eye on things. And if you happen to enter into an ill-fated sparring match with a very large krogan…"

Garrus froze. "You saw that?" While the match had served its purpose of letting Wrex and him square off and air out any unsaid issues, it had ended _very_ unexpectedly for Garrus.

"Saw _and_ recorded." Garrus held in the urge to throttle the frail pilot. "But that's not the most interesting thing I've seen…" Garrus narrowed his eyes at Jeff, who smiled slyly in return. "It looks like the commander has a little _crush_ on someone."

"I think you've lost it." That sentence was, maybe, the craziest thing ever to come out of Joker's mouth.

"Oh, really? Then I guess you don't want to know." Joker hummed as he keyed in a few commands to his console.

This would be funny… if he wasn't so annoyed. "The commander is a full grown woman, not a teenage girl; I'm sure she's not _crushing_ on anyone."

"Crushing, pining, ready to ride a certain _pony_; whatever you wanna call it, she's got it."

Was Joker messing with him? That had to be it. "Are you sure you're not just misreading things?" Garrus asked as he tried to wrap his mind around it.

Joker laughed so hard he flinched in pain. "She's about a subtle as a snowball to the face! Sometimes I wonder how all of you survive on missions when you're all this clueless onboard the ship." That last sentence almost felt like a jab at his last mission, but Garrus knew Jeff wasn't that insensitive so he brushed that feeling aside.

Jeff looked right at him as he continued talking and something about his stare made Garrus fidget in his seat. "Let's see; she stares at him when he's not looking." Ah, so it was male, that cleared about half the ship and Liara, if Jeff counted the genderless asari as female as most humans did. "Anytime she has free time—which is almost never—she spends it with him. She's pretty damn cheerful after just talking with him and lately she's been staring at walls with a pretty stupid smile on her face. It's so sweet it's _sickening_."

Garrus took an educated guess, even though he _knew_ it was wrong. "Kaidan?" The word was thick with denial even to his ears, but Garrus ignored it.

Joker sighed. "Poor guy wishes." His eyes turned devious. "But if you really want to know, it's…" He paused for dramatic effect. "Pressly."

"…"

"…"

"…I'm getting a snowball."

* * *

An hour later Garrus was sitting at the commander's private terminal with a very smug grin. He was sure she wouldn't mind him using it and, with its already high clearance, it was a breeze hacking into Joker's files. He found the file he was looking for and deleted it before Joker could blackmail him. _Wrex cheated anyway, _his mind defended. Then he proceeded to mess with a few things. Change a few passwords, move a few files; just enough to annoy the pilot.

Garrus couldn't help but notice the lack of vids recorded on the _Normandy_; it seemed like Jeff respected privacy enough not to go overboard with his snooping. The few vids that were recorded and saved were of fairly harmless things and never from private areas, if there were even cameras there. Of course, that didn't mean Joker didn't just see it without recording it….

Who was it? Was Joker messing with his head? Why would this mess with his head anyway? It couldn't actually be… Pressly? He could be attractive… by human standards. It's not like Garrus could tell….

Damn, now he was just being stupid. It wasn't Pressly and huge part of him still didn't believe Joker.

Garrus rubbed his brow after turning off the terminal. Maybe he should go work on the Mako; that was mind-numbing enough that he wouldn't have to think about who his commander was crushing on, of all things. But Chakwas would probably come storming down and pull him away by his fringe if he tried.

"Logged: The commanding officer is aboard. OX Pressly stands relieved," the ship's VI chimed. Well, that answered the question of what he was going to do.

Garrus was the first in the meeting room, as the ground team would be changing out of their armor right now and the others would know they had extra time before coming up.

Slight movement to his right made Garrus turn; he wasn't the first after all.

"Ah, hey," he greeted.

Liara was standing off to the side, still clad in her armor. The dried, dark purple blood covering her suit was too much to have only been hers. She looked up at the sound of his voice and met his gaze with large, hollow eyes that unnerved him.

"Hello," she returned, her voice flat.

"How… did the mission go?"

"It can be seen as a success," she replied with the same frost that was now covering the ship in her voice.

"And your mother?" he pressed. Liara stared through him, her eyes looking at something he'd never know. "Liara?"

"Matriarch Benezia is dead." He saw the ice was in her eyes too; two cold and far away crystals. Knowing far too much and yet so very, very lost. That look didn't belong on her face, not on someone as pure and good as Liara. He could see her trying to bear this weight on her own as she held up a wall to her emotions—surely from Shepard's example—but that was a wall Garrus had prided himself with tearing down with the commander, and was not above breaking through twice on the same ship.

Garrus moved without thought, arms went tight around her as he pulled her to him. For a second she stayed frozen in his arms before he pressed his mandible to her cheek and gave a sorrowful hum. She broke down and small soft sobs shook her body as she clung to him.

"It had to be done," she whispered. "I know it. I know it." There was nothing to do but listen. "She shot her." Garrus closed his eyes as an ill placed sense of relief flooded him; at least Liara wasn't forced to kill her own mother. "She shot her…Benezia… mom. Mother. _Mother_." Liara's hands balled into small fists. "She was still good! It was not her fault! He was controlling her! It's not fair, Garrus!" She hit his chest with each sentence.

"She said there was no light… It is not fair. She is my mother. It has always been just my mother. Even when we didn't speak, I knew she kept watch. She is the reason such a young, _foolish_ asari was allowed into dig sites most people only saw pictures of. She is my mother and I have not told her I love her in over fifty years. Now I will never…" Her voice cut off with a silent cry that tore through her body with devastating force and Garrus tightened his hold on her.

"Now I have no one."

Garrus knew he should say _something_. But he was at a loss and his brain was selfishly wondering if Venita Vakarian's death would tear through him like Matriarch Benezia's was through Liara. If it hurt this badly between estranged family members….

"Vakarian." The commander's voice made Liara freeze in his arm. "Take T'Soni down to the med-bay, she's in no condition for this meeting."

Liara pulled back and they both faced the commander, who was flanked by an awkward looking Ashley and sympathetic Kaidan.

"No," Liara's voice came out weak and her face shimmered from her tears. She cleared her throat before speaking again. "No. I should be here. I… I want to be here."

Shepard gave her a hard stare before nodding and turning to take her seat. Everyone else followed suit and once Wrex and Tali entered Shepard started the briefing. The meeting was mercifully quick; hearing Shepard explain the mission in such a calm state one would think she didn't just spend half the day fighting for her life and curing the sick.

"Cerberus must have gotten a hold of the rachni from here," Shepard said as Wrex gave a happy grumble.

"You made the right choice, Shepard." Wrex's voice was laced with approval.

"What choice?" Kaidan asked.

"She killed the rachni queen. Now they really are extinct."

Garrus earlier thoughts about genocide came to mind and he held his tongue; this was something that the Council should have been involved in.

Surprisingly, Liara spoke up. "She asked for a chance to start anew, to atone for the sins of her kind, and you killed her." It wasn't a question, just a hollow statement.

Kaidan frowned at the commander as he said, "From what I've heard, this wasn't any of the rachni's doing. This was an old grudge that humanity should have stayed out of."

Ashley leaned an arm on her leg as she turned to Kaidan, "And we know what their kind was like; they were killers. Did we really need to run that risk right now? Like the geth aren't enough."

"_Genocide_ was way beyond the scope of our mandate." Kaidan narrowed his eyes at the chief.

Ashley glared back. "If you _haven't_ _noticed_, we've been making it by the skin of our teeth. The chance was too great."

"So, because a _chance _a whole race had to die?"

"What if she was freed?" Tali softly asked. "The consequences of her being free may have had a higher price than anyone was willing to pay. Look at the geth and what they do now; if my people had to do it all over again, and had a chance to wipe out the geth this time, I hope they would. Why let history repeat?"

"That's why we learn from it," Garrus said with an authoritative tone he didn't think he was capable of, but was more surprised that his teammates responded to. "When we let the fear of 'what if' overtake us then we get nowhere. Whether the queen should have lived or died doesn't matter, we still have a mission to complete."

Ashley nodded. "What's our next move, Commander? Head for the Mu relay?"

Garrus looked at the commander with a heavy weight in his gut; she had been silent on the rachni's queen's death and had brushed over Benezia's with only a few sentences. For some reason he didn't want to hear her talk right now.

"No. The Mu Relay could link to dozens of systems. Unless we know exactly where Saren's going we'd just be wasting our time." Her words were flat—almost like she had rehearsed them a million times in her head—and Garrus knew Noveria wasn't just working on freezing Liara's heart today.

"The commander's right," Liara rushed out with a sudden eagerness. "We cannot rush off blind. We still need to learn more about Saren." There was a slight jaggedness to her speech. "We still need to—"

"No offense Doc," Ashley cut in. "But you're not in the best state right now. Sounds like you have a score to settle with him now."

"Williams, enough." That reprimand sent a chill through the room. Shepard stood and her eyes locked with each of her crew, searching each set for a long moment before speaking again. "This is a tough mission. We're all on edge. Everyone go get some rest. Crew dismissed."

* * *

Garrus hesitated outside the commander's room. He knew how this worked. Shepard goes on the mission, with or without him, and after the debrief he writes her reports, asking her any questions to fill in the blanks. Garrus knew the first time she had made him her 'secretary' was to rile him up, that she didn't expect him to continue with it. He claimed he didn't mind when she asked him about it. There was only so much one could do on the ship when you were part of the combat team, and turians tended to frown on down time. So Garrus needed way to occupy his time.

He didn't tell her he wanted some of her burdens.

This was something that was time consuming if the missions were complicated and her missions always were. They both hated the task, but at least he was good at it.

He never mentioned the times she fell asleep on her couch—a few times mid-sentence—and she never asked how she ended up on her bed after. He pretended to be annoyed when she would pull out a holo-pad to read a novel or surf the extra-net instead of helping with the report. He joked about how she was a volus reincarnated when they had to do expense reports and she warned that the Mako would fetch a decent price (a hollow threat as they both love that damn thing, him more so when Shepard was far, far away).

It was now to the point that no crew member even batted an eye at him entering her room. There were quite a few heated glares given to him at first, but as it became clear nothing illicit was happening the crew just moved on to the newest piece of scuttlebutt.

After all, she was Commander Shepard and he was Garrus Vakarian; nothing about them even remotely matched.

And nothing ever would.

This mission was going on too long. Garrus knew the amount of time he was spending with his commander was excessive, seeing how little time she was able to spend with other crew members. Even now, when the idea of seeing her was making him uneasy, he still found himself at her door.

He should just leave her to her own thoughts. It would be best for them both with space between them. Maybe letting her build back some of that wall around herself. It was selfish of him, really, to try so relentlessly to tear it down. It was another task for him and, like everything that interested him, he went at it with unstoppable determination.

He didn't want another CO telling him what to do without listening to a word he said. He didn't want another superior begrudgingly advancing him in rank while making it clear they would have stopped it if they could. While he could pride himself on knowing he was where he was because—and only because—of his talent, over time Garrus had noticed the emptiness in himself. Knowing the path he was on wasn't _his_ and he was even resentful with how damn easy it was to advance, but how convoluted it all became the moment someone with money or power became involved.

Shepard wasn't easy. Shepard was a challenge. A clear path with clear choices and clear results, but he had to work for it; her respect, her friendship, her interest in him. If he had stayed quietly by the Mako's side, never talking to her, never joking or laughing, then she would have treated him just like any member of the crew. She wouldn't have bothered trying to explain that the right way and the easy way were almost always miles apart. She wouldn't have bothered to look at him with disproval when he got out of hand on missions and he wouldn't have felt any disgrace or worked to behave better after.

Nothing about them matched; their species, gender, rank and yet Shepard was his equal. That was something he never had before and, more times than not, she was his superior, in every sense of the word.

And that was the reason he was feeling the way he was right now. Her choices had always been both for the greater good and abiding by the laws of justice. She may twist a situation, but that was just a part of her skill; being able to control the people around her. She could talk a jumper off a ledge and then right back onto it.

So why make this choice?

"I didn't think you'd come." He had entered the room, there was a hint of surprise in her voice but her face was expressionless as she looked up from her couch. Around her were a few data-pads and sheets of paper.

Garrus folded his arms as he countered, "I didn't think you had it in you."

He was _disappointed_ in her. He didn't know he could even feel that way about her, after all this time and everything she did….

Maybe if he knew her reasoning he would be okay with it? Or it might just make his disappointment deepen.

"It had to be done," she answered. For a second he wondered if he needed elaborate what he was talking about as it felt like that sentence could easily answer another issue.

"I'm sure the Council thought so," he said as he leaned back on the wall next to the door with his arms crossed. "I'm sure they liked being left out of things like _genocide_; it frees up their calendar."

That word has been thrown around so much, both in his head and between his crew members, that it felt empty coming from his mouth. Powerless to cut into the commander's skin like it did his, nothing but a word.

"They didn't like it. But at this point I'm sure they mainly disagree to antagonize me; there's no pleasing them." There was no humor in her voice but she managed a dry laugh. She stood and faced him. "Did you need something? If not, you are dismissed for the night." She pulled her hands behind her back and spread her legs into a stable stance. Her eyes locked with his and he fought the urge to listen to her order.

Garrus decided to get straight to his point. "Why?"

Shepard was quiet for a minute before she said, "Why not?"

Garrus bit back a low growl in his throat. He didn't feel like playing games with her right now. "You killed an entire species!"

She nodded. "And no one stopped me. No one _would_ have stopped me."

Garrus scoffed. "You're the commander—"

"I'm _a_ commander; one of many in the Alliance Navy. I give orders and make calls and I expect them followed from the authority I am given from them." She turned and walked away from him, her voice dropping in volume. "But this isn't right… this blind loyalty."

_What? _"The loyalty you _earned_?" His voice rose slightly.

She spun around and narrowed her bright eyes at him. "From a few damn _months_? A few months of fumbling around the universe for one man while I'm having emotional issues?"

He stepped closer to her. "Because being happy is an emotional flaw," he mocked.

She pulled back her lips in a feral sneer. "It is when people count on you! When you have not just your crew, but the whole galaxy depending on you! And I can't even _pretend_ it's not all on me anymore. Each and every one on this ship would let me kill the rachni queen a hundred times over, regardless of their feelings." She shook her head. "You saw how heated Kaidan was? One word from me and he would have relented." Her voice was a dagger. "Same with you."

He stiffened. "You really think I would have stood by? After all this time? After—"

"Don't give me that!" Shepard yelled, moving closer as her hands balled to her side. "I've seen the way you look at me; like I'm some damn hero. But I'm not! I just try and survive. That's all I've ever done; just try and survive. That's why I joined the Reds. That's why I joined the Alliance. But at some point my survival became more than just about me. If I live then people live. If I die then people die."

She ran a hand through her hair as she sucked a breath through her teeth.

"And the Queen had to die. Do you think she would have been left alone? The Alliance and Council would have hunted her down, captured her and studied her at best. You didn't see how crazed her children were from _just_ being apart from her."

Shepard looked to the side. "And you wanna know the worse part of all this? It's that I've let the lines blur with my crew. It's that they can't do a single mission apart from me without it going to hell because they're worried about _me_."

She turned her back to him, but not before Garrus spied water rimming her eyes. "And, damn it, I'm worried about them." Then so soft he almost didn't hear. "I'm worried about you."

_Shepard._ Her name was on the tip on his tongue. But to call her that would be to cross the last line between them.

"Commander," Garrus placed his hand on her shoulder as his anger faded. "This… this is different for me, for all of us. Hell, if I can see how much Ashley, Liara, and, well, _everyone_—including me—have all changed for the better, then I know you do. Why does your change have to be… bad?"

She glanced back at him, her hand coming up to cover his. "And what about when this is all over? When I have to deal with a new crew or the rest of the Spectres?" There was a bit of longing in her that made his arms ache to wrap around her, so he did. He tucked his head into the crock of her neck and softly laughed.

"Spirits! Is that was this is about? You're worried we'll catch Saren and then never talk again?" Her hands still covered his and he felt her grip on him tightened. "_Please_, you're stuck with me for a long time, Commander. I might even luck out and get you as my Spectre mentor." Garrus didn't realize he had made up his mind about the Spectre position until that moment.

She laughed as she turned her head and met his eyes as best as she could in his hold. The light in her eyes was as strong as ever and Garrus felt himself nearly glowing under her gaze.

"Oh the hell we would raise," she said.

A huge part of him didn't want to let her go… and he knew there _were_ no more lines for him to cross; he would never let her go from his life. "Did I ever say thank-you?" he asked with sincerity.

"For what?" She inquired with a small smile tugging on her lips.

"For everything."

Shepard pulled away and faced him as her smile turned radiant. "Thank-you."

He tilled his head in slight confusion. "For what?"

"Everything, Garrus. Everything."


	17. TurianHuman

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader:** Venn364

* * *

Chapter Seventeen

Turian/Human

It was a testament to the quality of the Mako's design that this was the first time Garrus actually had to climb under the metal beast. Throughout all of the abuse the undercarriage had survived during its life once it had been damaged, damn, it was _damaged._

When Garrus had first stumbled upon the M35 Mako after joining the _Normandy_, he was curious of the human made infantry fighting vehicle. Shepard had given him access to it with a warning not to break anything he couldn't fix. He spent the next week reading the manual and schematics (mainly out of boredom) and was disappointed to see so many glaring flaws.

There was no learning curve for driving it. Either you knew it like the back of your hand or you were plain out of luck. Steering was too sensitive. One light turn in one direction would send the Mako careening wildly off. The micro-thrusters and propulsion jets barley lasted long enough to soften landings thanks to not enough power being diverted from the hydrogen-oxygen fuel cells they ran on, so as to not over tax the cells. But the worst part was the guns.

Spirits, _the guns_.

The turreted 155mm mass accelerator cannon and coaxial-mounted machine gun were powerful. They could tear through almost anything (and the Mako was sturdy enough run the rest over, as his commander made a habit of doing), but the cannon was rigged only to mount one missile at a time with a recharge period that made the turian in him laugh uncontrollably. And if the machine gun was overheated… well hopefully shields and armor were still at max.

So Garrus had set to work fixing those problems; adding a second missile mount, cutting weapons recharge time in half and so on. When he was done it was in time for Shepard to take it planetside. She brought him and Wrex along and Garrus had asked if she had experience with driving a Mako, to which she said it was common training for N recruits to have basic handling of all vehicles. And while the turian and krogan had entered the Mako in a near volatile state, they came back with a begrudging respect for each other, seeing that neither of them screamed during what Shepard had called 'driving'.

Garrus had poured over the Mako, sure that his tune up and fixes had caused the less than acceptable driving. But he had took the beast out the next day for a test run and was near horrified to realize that a living, breathing, higher thinking being could drive so… badly. It wasn't even recklessness. Recklessness implied Shepard just randomly turned and was as shocked as the rest of them with the results. But he knew she saw each embankment she jetted over at top speed. Each cliff she nosed dived off of and sheer mountain side she traversed at completely vertical angles. She knew because she was Commander Shepard and, like everything else she did, she did it on purpose.

Yet, the Mako had proved hardy and took Shepard's abuse with only a dented, battered hull and over taxed systems to deal with in the aftermath.

"How did she even do this much damage?" Kaidan shook his head. "It was all flat terrain. _Flat_."

Garrus laughed. "That's Shepard; always doing the impossible."

Kaidan didn't glance over as he gave a soft laugh.

When the commander had returned from responding to a distress beacon and Garrus noticed the beat up looking undercarriage. He had crawled under, and immediately crawled right back out. Kaidan—who was on the team along with Wrex—had hung back and offered his assistance. Which was why Garrus and the biotic were currently under the Mako repairing… well, _everything_.

The Mako's wheels had been removed to lower it closer to the ground, where it was supported with everything from clamps, metal crates, and mini-mass effect fields so the truck wouldn't come crashing down on them if Joker made a hard left. He wondered why the _Normandy_ didn't have proper repair station, but reminded himself the ship was a prototype and they had more important things to worry about. But, still, it would have made repairs easier.

Garrus was sure if he was left to do the repairs on his own he would have been cursing Shepard and the Spirits alike. But he was enjoying the conversation with Kaidan so far. They mostly talked about their previous tours. Garrus omitted anything too… personal. While the most colorful thing Kaidan did involved impressive amounts of alcohol and fighting on shore leave (Garrus was a bit impressed at some of the stories, as he didn't think the well-spoken, even-tempered, sometimes bleeding heart human had it in him) Garrus' actions _during_ a tour went against several clearly outlined rules that Shepard made sure each alien crew member knew in full and adhered to.

Somehow the LT's conversation would always drift back to Shepard. It was little sentences here and there, but it was obvious the commander was on the man's mind. Garrus knew one of the rules Shepard had pointed out was what was keeping the man from acting. No fraternization. A rule a turian vessel needn't have. Just as long as it didn't affect the mission and couldn't reflect badly on a CO, then it was fair game.

But even then Kaidan wouldn't be fairing much better. A relationship between higher and lower ranking crew members was discouraged. Extremely so. To the point that the higher ranking member would be pulled aside and given an evaluation to make sure that favoritism wasn't taking place and that they could still send that lower ranking turian to his or her death if the mission called for it.

Garrus held back a chuckle that Kaidan actual _would_ be a bit better off, seeing that Ashley would have jumped him by now with a different set of rules. Ashley and a good deal of the _Normandy_'s female (and a few males) crew members. For some reason, Shepard seemed to be the only female not interested in the LT.

Great, now he's thinking about his commander's love life. He had once thought she may have had someone waiting for her. Her talk with General Septimus was not forgotten; just Garrus could not see a reason to bring it up. But after his talk with Joker days ago… if he _believed_ Joker then….

The thought was in the back of his head, but he couldn't face it. Not yet. It went against everything he was taught, everything he knew, was right and normal. It turned his world upside down.

Kaidan apologetically excused himself, as he had his own work to do. Garrus briefly entertained the idea of getting the requisitions officer to help, as all he was doing was removing the damaged parts at the moment, but decided not to, seeing as he was only half sure the man's name was Tonnel (Tobbs?).

Half an hour later a blue head was peeking near Garrus' feet.

"Hello Garrus," Liara said with a slight smile. Her mood was bright and she was near her old self.

"Hello Liara," he said back. "Need something?"

She lowered herself to her hands and knees. "No, I do not. I was speaking to Kaidan and he mentioned leaving you 'hanging' so I have come to offer my aid. While I may not be well versed—"

He cut her off with a chuckle. "I'll take all the help I can get."

So she crawled under, it was easier for her to maneuver than him as she rolled onto her back with ease and frowned. "Goddess… how did this happen?"

"Shepard."

Liara pressed her hand to her mouth. "Oh." Then she looked at him. "What can I assist with?"

"I finally have all the damaged parts removed so that I can start some repairs. See this rod? See how it's snapped?" Liara nodded. "Anyway you can use your biotic to hold them in place while I weld?"

She looked mildly offended. "Of course."

They worked and chatted easily. When she paused a minute too long he stopped at his work and looked at her.

"I…" Liara took a deep breath. "I feel the need to ask your advice, as you get along with the commander best." She took another deep breath. "Does it seem like Shepard has been avoiding me?"

Garrus did notice how Shepard was managing to avoid the doctor without looking like she was purposely doing it. "Yeah. But after Noveria, it's understandable."

"I feared so." She was staring hard up at the Mako. "But it's not about what happened with my mother… not all of it. Before the mission I did something rash. I told her how much I like her; as more than a commander, a friend. How there is something _compelling_ about her… and I kissed her."

Garrus couldn't help the strangled noise that jumped from his throat. "W-What?" Turians didn't bother much with kissing, their plated lips weren't all that sensitive and didn't move properly for that type of action; but after years on the Citadel Garrus had come to understand the importance of the act in courtships involving asari, drell, and humans.

Liara actually smiled as her eyes grew cloudy. "She was embarrassed. Can you believe that? Between the two of us I thought I would be the one…" She sighed. "She rejected me and a few hours later had to kill my mother. That is why she is avoiding me."

"You know she's not doing it to be mean," he said as he tried to wipe the image of Liara and Shepard together from his mind. He was feeling irrationally upset at the thought. Even though he knew Shepard hadn't triggered the act—hadn't allowed it to continue—just the _idea_ of it happening was burning his blood.

"I know. I just want to be able to talk to her again. I hate this space between us."

"Just give her time."

"Time is something we have very little of." That was sobering coming from an asari.

They worked in silence after that and, while Liara's help was appreciated, they were both happy when Ashley poked her head under sometime later.

"I got it from here, Doc."

"Very well." Liara said good-bye as Ash crawled under. Again, moving under the Mako was a lot easier for the human as she twisted around. Garrus was limited to lying flat on his back.

"Damn." Ashley whistled as she looked at the damage.

"This is an improvement. It used to be 'are you shitting me?'"

Things moved a lot quicker with Ashley working but she left when it came to redoing the wiring.

"Hey!" Garrus jerked at the lively voice and looked down near his feet.

"Hey, Tal," he said as she crawled her way under.

"Ashley said you could use another hand with…" She trailed off as she rolled on her back. "Keelah," she whispered as her glowing eyes widened and the light on her mask flickered.

Garrus nudged her with his elbow. "Better make your escape now," he joked.

"And leave you with this?" she replied seriously. "You would be here all night." Garrus smiled at her care as they set to work.

"So," Garrus drawled. "How's your room been treating you?"

"It's nice. Actually better than my room back home. And it's nice getting out of my suit."

"I couldn't do that."

She laughed. "Garrus, I've never seen you in anything but your armor and small human pants. I think you would do fine as a quarian."

He shuddered at the memory. "You know I had to rip them off? How the hell Wrex managed that I'll never know."

"You could ask him…," she teased.

"Some things are best left buried." Thinking about that day brought up a question he'd been debating asking her. "Uh, in Shepard's room… what were you two fighting about?"

She shrugged and casually said, "Some things are best left buried."

She wasn't getting off the hook that easily, not with _his_ savant on _her_ wrist. "_Tali_."

"Fine." She sighed as she stopped working and rubbed her mask. "We, ah, you see… we both…"

"Tali?" He questioned at her sudden nervousness.

"Just, just give me a second." She took a deep breath. "It seems we both are… we both want to know… oh keelah, Garrus!" She snapped, making him jump slightly as she rolled on her side and narrowed her eyes at him. "What do you think would work better as a couple; turian/quarian or turian/human?"

"Huh? Well, I guess biologically—"

"No, Garrus. Turian/_quarian_ or turian/_human_."

It clicked. "_Oh._" It all clicked. Garrus could almost hear Joker laughing at him.

"Yeah…"

"Ah…"

"So?"

"I… hmm…"

Tali laughed. Long and hard. "This is _so_ not awkward."

He gave a small, humorless chuckle. "Nope, not in the least."

Tali laid down on her back. "She… didn't want me to say anything about her… feelings. Said while she's your commander and you're her subordinate that she could never say anything. That I could… do as I pleased and she would turn a blind eye to this one thing. But I'm not blind. I know you feel something for her; even if you're still unsure, it's there. You two are both important to me and I can't lie about this."

It was Garrus' turn to laugh hard. "I see. Do me a favor Tal? Don't tell her you told me? She's dealing with enough right now."

"Alright."

"And… about us—"

"We're good, big guy. Don't worry. Your visor and omni-tool _may_ get a few high grade viruses for no reason, but we're good." He was glad he couldn't see her face since he knew the pain in it would tear at him, as her voice alone was doing a pretty damn good job of.

He knew she was putting on a brave front so he didn't push it; the silence was welcomed as they worked. He was thankful she didn't run right off after her confession, as Tali had wormed her way under his plates enough that he didn't want her upset with him. When it was only the panels and coverings left to put in place Tali yawned and excused herself.

Alone, he stopped working and final let his thoughts take over. _Spirits, she likes… has feelings for… me? Why me? Out of everyone, why me? _

With Liara and Kaidan both throwing themselves at her, there was no reason for her to give him a second glance. Both of them were clearly attractive by human standards and Garrus had had enough humans look at him like he was scariest thing in the universe to know he was a far cry from being pleasing to their eyes. The only thing similar between turians and humans were that they both had at same amount of limbs and walked upright. They had different skin and plates and teeth and blood and—

_Will it even work?_ Fire flooded his veins at the idea of _trying_. That even with all their differences there was something _right—_so powerfully and undeniably right—about his commander. His Shepard.

He'd never thought of her that way because it was just never a possibility between them, the most he could have ever hoped for was a strong friendship. He knew he would have spent his time ignoring the fire she sparked in him. He would have just rationalized his need to be near her as concern for her safety; the thoughts of her soft hair, skin, and her heady scent just curiosity of her humanity. His need for her to smile and laugh would be no more than a friend's concern.

He would ignore her soft smiles and lingering touches. How close she always was, within arm's reach, and how she worried far more than a commander should.

_Will it even work?_ His mind repeated. _Do I want to try?_ If he went down that path and it didn't work… he doubted they would stay close. The idea of her being with anyone _but_ him made his insides twist. And the idea of her being _with_ him made his insides flutter.

Damn, if he thought his dad was going to be upset about his Spectre job, then this….

Something like this might ruin them both. Seeing that the most history their races had with each other was 'tried to kill'. Add the fact the first race the humans encountered was his people—who said hello with bombs—things had never been the best with them. The _Normandy_ was a shining example of what the two races could do together, but it was one ship; one example to thirty years of tension.

Human and turian couples weren't unheard of, but they weren't expected to last. Pressure from both sides and some problems with compatibly, in both the bedroom and in thinking, always ended it. Humans were raised as free thinkers and turians were taught that their duty and the honor of their people came first. While he imagined the bedroom issues could be dealt with (until now the idea of what those issues even were had been enough to make him cringe) the other couldn't.

And the great Commander Shepard having an interspecies liaison with her turian subordinate would only add to her already long list of enemies. Plus, it would get her in hot water with her military and maybe even the Council (while he could not think of a reason _why_ the Council would care they—as Shepard had so correctly pointed out before—seemed to do things to purely annoy her at times).

Garrus knew he would be blacklisted. He wasn't important enough for his people to overlook that kind of indiscretion and it would just be another sign of his clear rebellion against all things turian.

But, when it came down to it, could he go against _her_ wishes? She was trying to keep some decorum between them. He respected her too much to put her on the spot and force her to either reject him or go against the rules of her own ship.

But if she didn't reject him… A warm buzz filled him. He knew how soft she was to the touch, how potent she smelled, how attractive her single toned voice sounded, how strangely pleasing she was to his eyes… but how did she _taste_?

What if… What if he took the exposed flesh of her delicate neck and ran his tongue across it? Would it be _so bad_ to pin her down as he explored every single scar that mapped her body? To run his talons across her stomach and under her thighs… to press his head to hers and stare into her amazing eyes as he—

"Yo! Garrus! You alive under there?"

Garrus cursed as he smacked his head on the Mako as he jumped. He looked at his feet in time to see Shepard lower herself to her hands and knees. He was acutely aware of how damn flexible her human body was compared to a turian's. She crawled under and rolled onto her back next to him, closer than anyone else before her.

"Oh, the way Kaidan was bitching I thought it was a disaster under here." Any awkwardness he would have felt at her close proximity with his new information was killed with that statement.

Garrus gapped at her. "You _destroyed_ it."

"It looks fine to me."

"Because I've been under here fixing it since you came back."

"You have not been under here for fifteen hours," she said, disbelief thick in her voice.

Garrus blinked. "That's actually pretty good time with how bad it was. It guess having help pays off."

She raised a brow. "Does Chakwas know you've been under here that long?"

"Checking up on me?" He laughed. "She cleared me yesterday, remember? She can't ban me from the Mako anymore."

Shepard rolled her eyes and dryly said, "Oh happy day."

"It would have been if you didn't drive like a crazed vorcha," he pointed out.

"I'm not a bad driver."

"You drive as badly as you are cheap."

"Urgh, sorry if paying out my ass makes me a bit grumpy."

"What happened to 'I'm just being frugal'?" he mocked her voice and she glared at him.

"You know the Mako goes for a million credits on the black market?" she warned.

"As long as you don't run like you drive, then make sure you buy me something nice."

She chuckled and gave him a playful push. "You're an asshole." He had to steady himself from the push, something that Shepard didn't miss.

_Oh, no. _The look on her face was never good.

She shoved him again and busted out laughing. "You're like a turtle on your back!"

"What's a turtle—and damn it, stop rocking me!" He tried shoving her away but she rolled on her side and grabbed his arm, which she pulled on, making him rock on his rounded armored back. "I'm not a toy!" he growled.

She gave a harder push/pull, which made him roll hard on his side. His limbs flailed comically as he was lodged between the floor and the Mako. Shepard was in tears at that point.

_Why do I like her again?_

He grumbled angrily as he wiggled himself loose, but instead of landing on his back he sent himself forward. Shepard was still amused as his armored chest landed on hers, knocking her breath from her lungs. She sifted her legs, moving them apart so he could settle more comfortably between them without crushing her. He managed to grab hold of one of her wrist and was holding it down next to her head.

"Not. Funny." His eyes flickered to her lips and wondered if he would be able to feel the soft flesh against his mouth if he pressed hard enough. But how hard would be too hard for her human body? Would she make a show of rejecting him if he did? He didn't want to end up like Liara.

"Not even a little? Mildly amusing, even?"

He glared at her and she smiled. She held his eyes and something hot flashed in hers before she looked away. His visor was telling him that both her heart-beat and body heat were increasing and he could see the flush of her skin.

"Okay, okay." She cleared her throat. "Sorry. How 'bout I owe you two things to make up for it?"

Garrus resisted the urge to press down on her body, just to see her reaction. _I know how you can make them both up. _

Damn, really? Was this all he would be able to think about around her now? With the flood gates open, there was no stopping his thoughts.

He rolled off of her and onto his back, as a more sensible idea came to him.

"Well, for _one_ you can help me finish repairs."

Shepard warily asked, "And?"

"_And_," he grinned.


	18. Before the Storm

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader:** Venn364

* * *

Chapter Eighteen

Before the Storm

"You're evil," Shepard pouted. "Pure, pure evil."

"Stop complaining and enjoy yourself." Garrus rolled his eyes as he shoved her towards the amazingly clear ocean water. "Your crew is."

That was the signal for Joker's loud 'woot' and cat-call. "Lookin' good, Commander!"

"Shut it, Joker!" Shepard yelled back.

Garrus had only suggested some shore leave to help vent some of the stress on the ship. Shore leave that would take place somewhere they didn't go to at least once a week, so, thankfully, the Citadel was out. He wasn't sure what the name of the beach was that Shepard had picked, but the area was called Mahe. It was on Earth—as Earth was a pretty friendly environment for all races—and it was a private beach she had to rent. A large, glass walled cabin buffed against the sand and tree line, the tell-tale hum of a mass effect field signaled that the building was protected from any unduly harsh weather.

Garrus knew that this was a pricy trip.

The trees along the shore were narrow and tall, but still managed to grown in thick. Not too far off was a rock formation that looked strangely smooth, like someone had buffed all the jagged lines out. They sky was clear and blue, edging on white near the sun. It was warm and Shepard had explained it wasn't peak beach weather, but close enough to enjoy the ocean as long as the sun was high in the sky.

The ocean looked enticing, even to him. Turians could swim just enough not to drown. Their smooth metallic-like hides and light weight bones seemed to favor the water, but their lanky limbs and bulky cowls were against it.

Garrus fidgeted as he caught Shepard looking at him again from the corner of her eyes. He knew his plates were reflecting in the bright sunlight and were probably an odd sight for her to see. Garrus was trying not to return the curious stare, as human swimwear were more revealing than asari stripper clothes. Shepard's clothes were clearly modest, looking at the clothing choices of the rest of the crew. Her swimsuit was a 'one-piece' that left her back exposed, with a color that flattered her skin and hair. She wore a long cloth around her waist that billowed in the breeze. She had her omni-tool on her wrist, as she still needed to be available to incoming messages, and he knew she was about to test how waterproof it really was.

Garrus felt silly in his borrowed swim trunks but was doing his best to hide his discomfort. The sight of Wrex in a similar pair had sent both Shepard and himself into fits of laughter. The krogan had ignored then and walked on (shoving them both on the ground in a laughing heap).

Wrex and some of the crew had ventured into the rented building and brought out all the drinks they could find, some of them even dextro. Garrus knew the fridge wasn't stocked with dextro friendly food by chance and that a sterilizing unit wasn't standard stock for a human resort on Earth. It had to be Shepard's doing.

Kaidan had found a large grill and started cooking all the food, which started the oddest argument between the biotic and krogan warlord on how to roast meat.

"You humans like it tough as rubber. How you chew with your pitiful teeth is beyond me."

"And you like it still running around. I swear your food is looking at me half the time."

"I will show you how to correctly roast this meat—"

"And give everyone food poisoning? No thanks."

"I wasn't asking."

"And, somehow, it's still no."

Joker had happily taken over as the two argued and grinned. "Let Grill Master Jeff show you how it's done, ladies."

Liara had watched the exchange as well and seemed ready to offer her opinion, but appeared to think better of it as she walked away. She walked over and joined him as Shepard spotted Tali and waved her over.

"Tali! Do you know why I picked this beach?" Shepard asked with poorly veiled excitement.

Tali looked at him and Liara, and they both shrugged in return. "No?"

Shepard grinned as she placed her hands on her hips. "Snorkeling!"

"What?" Interestingly, all three non-humans seemed confused.

"Snorkeling!" she repeated like the problem was they didn't hear her. "Look!" She pulled the two closest to her (Tali and Liara) along to the water's edge. Garrus followed as she pointed out towards the water near the rocks. "See those dark shapes?" She smirked back at Garrus. "They're giant sea _turtles_."

Garrus rolled his eyes at her. _You're lucky you're cute._

"Turtles?" Liara tipped her head to the side. She was wearing a white 'two-piece' and was more at ease than she had been in the less revealing Chora's Den uniform.

"You wouldn't need the snorkel of course with your suit, but the underwater life here is beautiful." Shepard shifted a bit awkwardly and Garrus smiled. She had made sure there was something Tali could enjoy on this trip.

"Ah, it sounds great." Tali sounded excited. "Let's snorkel!"

Shepard laughed. "You two coming?" she asked him and Liara.

"Sure," Liara said, as she was still looking at the dark dots in the ocean. The creatures had caught her interest, it seemed.

"Garrus is gonna have to sit this one out, Skipper," Ash said as she appeared at Garrus' side. "I need a second."

"For what?" He asked as he was dragged away.

Ashley had her hair down, wearing the upper portion of a swimsuit and shorts. The dark haired human pointed to an area of sand that had two poles sticking out of the ground with a net in-between. Kaidan and the requisitions officer were standing on one side, leaving the other side empty.

"Beach volleyball. Kaidan and Mark are going down." Other than the fact that name Mark Tonnels was being engraved in Garrus' head at that moment, that sentence left him confused.

"Volleyball?"

"It's simple; just hit the ball and try not to poke it with your spikes."

Kaidan groaned. "Really? _Garrus_ is your second? The near seven foot-tall, long armed, superfast turian is your second? Would you like Wrex too?"

Ash grinned. "Yes, because mister no-arms would really give me an advantage." She made a show of pulling her arms near her body and helplessly waving them.

"You!" Wrex stormed over and near shoved Mark away. "Move. This is my battle now."

_Huh_, he wouldn't have bet Joker would have won the grilling wars, but it looked like he had.

Kaidan's grin looked devious as he said, "I'll explain the rules to you," and turned to quietly talk to Wrex.

Garrus turned to Ashley and tilted his head to the side as he pointed out, "You know they're going to use biotics."

"I bet they would," Ashley huffed as she explained the basic rules to him.

Sure enough, once the game started it ended after a few hits back a forth, a smoking crater, a smug krogan, and three shocked people.

"Uh…" Kaidan cleared his throat. "I think you used a bit too much power…"

"You think!" Ashley screeched from the ground as she stared at the hole near her right knee. "Now we needed another ball!"

* * *

Volleyball wasn't half bad. Wrex had left after the first round, having redeemed his strange krogan honor from Ashley's mocking. Mark and Kaidan played biotic free and once they left a happy Liara and peppy Tali took their places. Ashley had made herself leader of their game and would tell them when they made some type of foul.

They all soon became hungry and made their way back to the house. Joker happily presented them all with food. He seemed to have cooked nearly everything in the house, but the crew was eating just as fast as he was cooking. Human music was playing in the house and a large vid screen was on that had a group of his human crewmates cheering around it. Garrus was surprised at how playful the crew was. They had never been a stern group but, hell; even Pressly was drinking and cheering.

It was nice to know his crew really could enjoy themselves given the chance. Garrus settled on a long flat chair after grabbing himself a beer. Joker was a surprisingly good cook.

Tali's food was sterilized, but she was still taking a big risk as she pressed the seal on her mask to expose the lower part of her face. Garrus could make out purple lips and skin as she quickly ate.

"You know, Shepard's not going to like that," he warned.

She sighed. "Am I supposed to go hungry until tomorrow?"

"Just saying." He shrugged then looked around. "Hey, where is Shepard?"

"She stayed behind at the rocks." Tali pointed at the area. "But she has to be back by now."

"No." Joker, who was within earshot still cooking, adjusted his hat as he squinted. "It looks like she's sitting up on those rocks. That's… actually kind of dangerous." He frowned.

Garrus put his food down and stood. "I'll go get her. She needs to eat, anyway."

_If she's still moping about the cost I'm pushing her off that cliff. _

Garrus made it to the rocks and looked for a way up to her. He spotted a narrow path to the side, brushing the tree line, and headed up. Shepard was sitting with her back to him, facing the wide ocean. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and she gave a happy hum.

"Pretty, huh?" she said to him without turning. Seeing that she was having her own form of fun, Garrus ended up sitting next to her instead of pulling her away.

"Yeah, Earth's not that bad." He looked at her after glancing at the sea. Her short hair had grown longer at some point and was dancing wildly in the tangy wind as it shimmered in the sunlight. Her skin was glowing under the rays and he was tempted to run his talons down her bare arm just to feel the sun's warmth on her skin.

"Maybe I'll take you to my home town one day; it'll make you eat those words." Her tone was playful but her gaze far-off.

"Can't be all bad."

She turned her head to him and laid her cheek on her knee. "Why's that?"

Garrus dug his toes into the ground as he held her gaze. His heart started pounding but he couldn't hold his tongue knowing how she felt. "You came from there." She needed to know she wasn't alone. "And I'm starting to think you're the best damn thing that has happened to the galaxy. And… to me." He didn't try and hide his feelings as his stare became intense. Shepard made a small sound in the back of her throat as her mouth fell open, like a small, choppy gasp.

She finally blushed as she looked away, partly hiding her face behind her arms. Her feet pushed at the rocks and sand beneath them as her fingers dug into her arms.

"Garrus?" she said shyly.

He swallowed. "Yeah?"

Shepard sat up and leaned back on her hands to stare at the clear blue sky. She closed her eyes as another breeze picked up. Her fingers brushed his and his whole body hummed in response.

"When this is all over, I have something I need to tell you, something important," she said as she looked at him. Her eyes were more enthralling than the beach ever was and her soft smile more powerful than the sun.

"When this is all over?" He asked as his fingers found their way around hers. His heart thumping so loud in his chest he could no longer hear the crash of the ocean or the cry of the birds.

She nodded and the squeeze of her hand to his was all the explanation he needed. Shepard was asking him to wait, so he would.

"All right," his hold on her tightened, "when this is all over," he repeated, a bit wishfully as they both turned to stare off at the ocean.

Hand-in-hand, hearts finally exposed.

* * *

The next morning the crew piled their way back to the _Normandy_, which had been docked not too far inland. Shepard and some of the crew had left at dark to return to the ship, as not to leave the top notch warship unguarded overnight. She had insisted that any alien crew and humans who never got to visit Earth before stay at the rented house to see the night sky and sea. It was a sight worth seeing, but Garrus knew he would have enjoyed it more with Shepard at his side.

Back onboard the ship the crew was noticeably brighter. They didn't even mind Shepard throwing them straight into their next mission; investigating a planet called Virmire.

"Virmire?" Ashley had called burning her skin 'tanning' and it was now noticeably darker. "Never heard of it."

Kaidan pulled up his omni-tool and read the planet description. "Other than the high risk of pirate and slaver raids, it sounds nice."

Shepard stepped down from the galaxy map as Joker announced their course.

"I'm not spoiling you all with another high-end getaway." Shepard shooed the crew back to work.

Garrus glanced back as he walked away and caught Shepard watching him go. Then her eyes met his blues and she smiled with no restraint; mouth wide, teeth showing, and eyes shining from small arches. Even if Garrus had never seen a human before now—or any other race that smiled with lips—Garrus would have still known what she was doing. He would have known how happy she was and would have always wanted her to look at _him_ like that.

Garrus was looking forward to the end of this mission.


	19. Two-for-One Special

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **Apparently DocX is a pain :( So, yeah, there's an edited version of this floating around, but I hate delaying post because of something like that.

* * *

Chapter Nineteen

Two-for-One Special

The hanger was dark. The red and blue lights muted to a lifeless gray as he stared… at what? What exactly was he looking at, because there was nothing there _to_ see; nothing but a gapping void of space and emptiness, with hard metal seats that left no indentation, no sign anyone was ever there. Everything was cold and unforgiving, unmovable and cruel.

Nothing there cared.

The _Normandy_ pushed on with two less, yet there was no real change. Why would there be? They were both strays; one from Eden and one from the Citadel. Both brash and loud; stubborn and hardheaded.

And Idiots. Such fucking idiots.

The bottle in Garrus' hand was heavy as he leaned back into the gapping maw of the Mako's open door. It was marked with small block script and dark colors. The liquid inside churned unevenly as he swirled the bottle with lose fingers, temped to hurl it across the room to hear anything other than the blasted hum of the ship.

He should. It was levo liquor. From what he knew it _could_ kill him.

Garrus laughed. It was a heavy sound that echoed sluggishly through the empty room. The bottle in his hand was just another reminder that this was a human ship. That it may have been made with turian collaboration, but not with them in mind. There was nothing comforting on the ship. Beds that were too small, chairs that made his back ache, doors that made him duck, temperatures that made him shiver—

Liquor he couldn't drink.

The bottle was still hanging by its neck, ready to fall and shatter if he willed it. It would only take a sip to know if he was allergic. If his throat closed up that would be a clear sign. Anything short of that, he might just down the whole thing.

Down the whole thing and he might not wake up.

Only _he_ would have a life-and-death situation when all he wanted to do was just forget; to just numb it, because right now it was to open and raw. All the hard edges dug into him, making each breath too shallow to do any good. Maybe tomorrow he would be fine. Be able to hold his head high and say 'They died for the cause' like a good turian. Like _she_ did.

Right now, though, surrounded by everything that was them, and _not them_, he just wanted to forget and sleep.

But every time he closed his eyes….

* * *

"Is he going to be a problem?" Captain Kirrahe inquired as Wrex stalked off. Shepard watched him go for a long moment before turning back to the salarian.

"No," she assured. "I will talk to him." The commander gave a dismissing nod and followed after Wrex. Garrus followed for a moment, just enough to round the corner of a prefab building and lay his eyes on the angry warlord.

A shot echoed around them as Wrex aimed at the river edging along the camp. Even from this distance Garrus saw the water spot with red before it was washed away by the current. The shot had drawn the attention of the others; Liara, Kaidan and Tali stood not too far from his side and Ashley was already farther down than them. The chief had started walking towards Wrex's back, but stopped once Shepard advanced on him.

Wrex was angry, which was understandable as this looked like the only hope for his people; a cure for something that was driving his people to the edges of the galaxy, with no purpose in their lives. To just ignore it would be impossible for Wrex, who had always thought of his people's wellbeing first.

Garrus couldn't hear what was being said. He saw Wrex's angry gestures and Shepard's controlled ones. Then Wrex threw his face towards hers, barely stopping short of a head-butt, and closed in on her, forcing Shepard to step back.

_Spirits Wrex, what are you doing?_

It was clear Shepard didn't want to fight. She had never backed away from _anything_ before, and there she was backing away from him. Wrex jabbed a thick finger at her before he finally stepped back to put some space between them.

Then Wrex pulled out his shotgun and aimed at their commander. Instinct alone drove Shepard to pull her pistol. Maybe, with two other people, he would have given a dark chuckle at the hopelessness of the situation. At how a shotgun blast to the face would kill any human, while a pistol shot to a krogan would be a light facial. Shepard was dead if Wrex pulled the trigger.

Shepard lowered her pistol; if she realized it was an empty threat or if she honestly couldn't bare it to aim it at a friend, Garrus didn't know.

_Come on Wrex. Put yours down too. _

As she talked, Shepard made no move to defend herself. Her hands were at her side and her head held high. A cold chill went through Garrus as he read her behavior, not liking what he was finding; would she let Wrex kill her before she tried the same to him? Not that he wanted either of them dead. No, it wasn't going to end like that. Not after all these months. Not after….

_Come on Wrex! _

Wrex took a step back, but still never lowered his gun. Shepard took a small step towards him, her cool mask breaking enough for a pleading look to emerge. Her hands rising in a calming gesture….

A shot rang out; echoing unbearably loud in the stillness around the river bed and Garrus felt his heart stop. He saw no blood. Not on Shepard or Wrex. Not until Wrex fell to the ground and Ashley stood over his crumbled body. Not until she poured bullets into Wrex's back and he cried out in pain.

Garrus was running. He was running but he wasn't fast enough. He slammed into Ashley as he pushed her gun away and they stumbled back a few feet.

"Sorry, friend." Her voice was a mix of ice and steel as she stared down at Wrex.

Shepard was frozen; her face the same steel in Ashley's voice, but Garrus' attention didn't linger on her. He shoved Ashley away and turned to kneel by Wrex's side. Liara and Tali both hovered not far away, hands in each other's.

_Come on, you bastard! Show some of that korgan healing right now! _his mind ordered as he began to dose medi-gel throughout Wrex's suit, even though his visor told him all he needed to know. Finally, Garrus pulled back and hung his head, too confused to do anything else.

How had it come to this? Among comrades and friends? Brothers-in-arms?

"Wait, what? Did you just… kill him, Chief?" Kaidan's voice was the pinnacle of uncertainty, unable to process what was lying broken before him.

Ash answered with no remorse, "Better him, than the commander." The turian in Garrus agreed with that statement. The turian in him was quickly silenced.

"Yeah, I suppose."

They stopped talking and Garrus felt his blood boil.

That was it? That was all they had to say? Wrex was lying there dead and that was all they could say? All the fucks they could give and it was four damn sentences?

"We're done here," the commander stated firmly to her crew.

Of course they are! Because who gives a shit a krogan just died by the hands of a friend? Who cares he was shot in the back, in every sense of those words?

"Ashley." Shepard's voice was the same coldness from when Garrus first met her, when she never dropped her guard. Back when she knew better than to care for her expendable crew. "You did the right thing." She scanned them. "Is that understood?"

Garrus was the only one who didn't voice his agreement.

Shepard stepped closer to him. "Garrus."

He quickly spoke up, if only to keep her from coming any closer. "Understood, Commander." His subvocals were choppy as he fought his fury. Now was not the time to lose his cool. They had a mission to do and later they would come back for his body.

He looked at Ashley as he stood. Her dark eyes held his before they broke away, landing on Wrex's crumbled form, and then darting away from that as well.

For a moment he knew she didn't do it easily, that this was heart-breaking to her.

But he couldn't bring himself to care about how she felt.

Not with Wrex dead at his feet.

* * *

"What the hell do you think you are doing, _Alenko_?" the commander growled out in pure anger. His name sounding like a mother's stern but frantic call, one that the child would never disobey. Her body stopped, teetering back and forth between too directions as pure helplessness filled her eyes. This was beyond her control now; too many moving parts at once and her teammates too far away for her to protect.

"I'm just making sure this bomb goes off. No matter what," Kaidan replied coolly. Always ready to take one for the team. "It's done, Commander." His announcement made Shepard's breath hitch and her hands ball into fist. "Go get Williams and get the hell out of here."

"Screw that!" Ashley sounded as furious as Garrus had felt not long ago. "We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Alenko."

Liara clenched her eyes closed as the finality of the situation became clear. It was time for Commander Shepard to make a call. To put aside every moment she had shared with the two; to forget the names Ashley Williams and Kaidan Alenko and see only numbers and problems, to solve a heartless equation.

As she closed her eye and took a deep breath, Garrus imagined he could see into her head. He could see the scales of justice, of right and wrong and good old black and white. To one side was a lone man guarding a nuclear bomb and to the other was a woman and a team fighting, not for their lives, but to give them another minute—another _second_—of time. One side outweighed the other.

If she chose Kaidan, they could ensure the bomb went off, but Ashley and her team would be lost; one man saved verses dozens. Kaidan was a strong biotic and would be able to hold off the geth long enough for the nuke to blow and save Ash's team. But one lucky shot from a geth and Kaidan would be down, making Wrex's death for nothing.

And even if the nuke was disabled, they knew about the base and all it would take was one call to the Council and the Turian Military would arrive in force. The STG team could be saved and with less sacrifice.

There was another factor; Sovereign. A Reaper. Could they waste time on a second siege on this base with a live Reaper out there? Didn't their top priority need to be stopping it? Warning the Council and heading them off?

There was no time for do-overs. No time for mistakes or hesitation or feelings.

Just action.

Shepard opened her eyes and Garrus knew she had made her choice. "Alenko, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site." The bomb had to go off. This was the beginning of the race to the end and they could not afford any distractions.

Every breath Garrus took was too shallow. The world was blacking along the edges and the ground under his feet felt sickeningly unstable. The bit of hope that Shepard would do the impossible, would refuse to condemn another member of their crew and pull another miracle from her endless bag of tricks, was shattered. Hope was something he should know better than to have. There was no good in hope.

"Yes, Commander, I…" Kaidan's defeated voice echoed through the comm, but it was Ashley's that grounded Garrus from his haze.

"You know it's the right choice, LT." She sounded resigned; happy that she could die in her friends place but still filled with the cold knowledge of her end being so close.

"Stay alive. I'm coming to get you too, Ash." Hopeful and foolish were Shepard's words and it made his insides ache to hear them. He knew a part of Shepard believed her words, even if she was trying to hide it.

"We know that's not going to happen, Shepard."

The commander gritted her teeth as she finally broke into a run; away from Ashley and the salarians and to Kaidan.

So fast.

It had happened so fast.

And now Ashley was damned too.

The comms were still open and he could hear Ashley's gunfire in the background; bitter stiletto ticks to a clock that was minutes from its end.

"Ashley." His voice sounded so far off. His body was moving on its own as he followed the commander.

"Yeah, Garrus?"

His throat was so dry. "You know you've been a pain-in-the-ass?"

She laughed. It was light and breathy and beautiful; so painfully beautiful. "You haven't been a field of roses yourself."

"That's probably from the cold shoulder you gave me for the first few weeks." Garrus managed to lighten his tone enough to make it clear he was teasing her.

She laughed again. "I was a bitch, huh? I kinda regret it, you know? You and Wrex were—_are_—alright. Don't think I've ever laughed harder than at one of our poker games. I… I'm gonna miss them."

"Same here. Good-bye, pyjak."

"Same to you, bird man." She added softly, "I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining things to Wrex when I see him."

Then she cut the comm.

* * *

"I... I can't believe Ash didn't make it. How could we just _leave_ her down there?" Kaidan asked, despair ringing in his voice as he looked up at their commander. Garrus was trying his best to ignore the empty chair off to his left, but it looked like it would be just as impossible as ignoring the one across the room.

"It was you or her. There was no time. I couldn't save you both," Shepard said and Garrus frowned. She was making it sound… personal. He knew it wasn't; it was a tactical decision if he ever saw one. An emotional one on _her_ part would have been saving the STG. He remembered how badly she took the death of a few colonists back on Feros; there was no way she was handling a near either team's death, one she all but promised to save, well.

Shepard added as she looked down at Kaidan, "The bomb was about to go off."

There was no blame or anger in her voice, but Kaidan still flinched at the reminder that Ashley's death wasn't completely Shepard's call.

"Why me?" Kaidan asked. "Why not her?"

"It's not about you!" Tali suddenly yelled, jumping up and shaking visibly through her suit. "Keelah, it's not _about_ _you_! It's about Ash and Wrex—and do you even _care_ Wrex is dead? Because Ash isn't the only one gone!" Tali sobbed, her light twinkling erratically with ragged, breaking breaths and Liara was instantly by her side; her blue skin pale as white ice and face trying hard not to break as a stray tear streaked down the curve of her cheek, catching and changing course as it drifted down over her patterned, almost scale like skin. She gently hugged Tali to her, letting the younger woman rest her masked face into the crook of her neck as they stood.

Civilians.

This wasn't the first time Garrus had lost a team member on a mission, and he knew better than to blame Shepard for any of this—that risk was part of the job description—something that Kaidan seemed to have forgotten.

From his reaction, Garrus would have thought this was the first time the biotic lost a crew mate, but from Joker's story about how they found Ashley, he knew he lost someone named Jenkins. But clearly this time, with Ash, it was far more personal.

Kaidan paled and looked down at Tali's words. Of course he cared about Wrex's death, but he was clearly forming survivor's guilt at Ash's. It was her or him, and he would never feel like his life was worth more than his friends, not matter how it was rationalized.

He was sure Shepard could see it forming in him as well, as she walked over and lowered herself to her knees, placing a light hand on his shoulder as she caught his eye. "It was my decision," she said firmly, but not unkindly. "If it was Ashley guarding the bomb, then _she_ would be here. None of this falls on you, Kaidan." _Only me_, he could hear her heart whisper. "Never think that it does." She paused then added, "They both died for the mission, let's not forget that."

Garrus had stood while she talked and moved towards the two crying women and pulled them close. Liara closed her eyes and placed her head gently on his shoulder, letting her body sag against him. Tali wrapped her arms tight around his waist, her body trembling with her now silent sobs, and each shake tore at his heart as he pulled her closer. He would let them cry it out before he bothered trying to get them to their quarters. The crew didn't need to see the ground team in this state.

Kaidan gave a weary sigh and stood. Shepard stood with him and patted Kaidan on the shoulder. The LT gave her a long look before approaching the other three in the room.

"Hey, Tali, Liara," he said gently. "How about I walk you two to your rooms," he offered with a hand on Tali's back.

Liara shook her head and stepped back from them, turning to Shepard. "I—The beacon you found in Saren's base was similar to the one you found on Eden Prime. Forgive me, this feels so ill timed, but it may have filled in the missing pieces of your vision. I might be able to help you put all those pieces together."

"You want to join our minds again, don't you?" she said, slightly morose. "Okay, I'm willing." She looked at Tali and Kaidan. "You two can head on down," she dismissed them and Kaidan put an arm around Tali's shoulder. She seemed a little reluctant to let Garrus go, but she moved away with a quiet sniff and Kaidan and her left the room.

"Go ahead," the commander said as she faced Liara.

The doctor wiped at her eyes, dryer than they would have been if this had happened a month ago, before she knew what true lost felt like, and stood with a straight back. Again, Liara's new growing resolve surprised him as she hardened her features to a mask nearly as solid as one of Shepard's.

He couldn't help but feel a pang of worry for the kind hearted doctor.

"Relax," Liara called, and then added with a hint of amusement, to Garrus' slight relief, "Embrace eternity."

It wasn't much different than before, but Liara was right and they now had a destination; Ilos.

And, like before, it drained Liara and Shepard was unnervingly pale, but she dismissed them, telling Garrus to escort Liara to the med-bay and that she had to speak with the Council.

As he left he caught her eyes. There was no trace of tears, just an even, never ending gaze he couldn't look away from.

And Garrus would have given anything to know what she was thinking, because he didn't like the question he was reading, written to clear in her bright eyes; _what would have I done if it was you?_

* * *

Garrus popped the top off of the bottle. Whatever happened had to be better than _this_.

A hand was placed on the top before it reached his mouth. He followed it up and was met with the soft eyes of his commander. She pulled the bottle from his grasp and held out a familiar looking green one.

"Trade?" She asked as he reached out and took the bigger, heavier bottle. "I picked a few bottles up for you back at my apartment. I had forgotten to give them to you, with everything that was going on." He watched her as she hopped up next to him, bare feet dangling. Next to him, with him still in full armor and her in her dress blues, she looked incredibly small at his side.

She stared at the open bottle in her hand before looking back at him. "I… need you in one piece, Garrus."

"Understood, Commander," he answered and she shook her head.

Her voice softened as she said, "I know this is hard for you. You saw them every day. Talked to them every day. I—you knew them better than I did and I know it's tearing me apart.

"He… he started lowering it," she continued with a glazed look at the empty corner across the room. "It was only by an inch, but I saw it. If she had _waited_… then maybe… _maybe_…" She took a deep drink from her bottle. "But maybe's and what if's can't bring back the dead. All that does is belittle their sacrifice."

Garrus popped off his seal. He thought of saying something akin to her words; hopeful, if not sad. 'A toast to the fallen' or 'too many good men died today'. But the words didn't matter. Let her talk and ease her chest. Let her leave when she felt better. Leave him to sit and stare at nothing. Tomorrow was for brave words and faces, tonight was for honesty and hurt.

He took a long drink. It was the same burn from Shepard's sun drenched apartment and, with bitterness, he was thrown back to that day; so peaceful after such a hard fight and the two of them happy and content with just each other; the world still and perfect.

He hoped he did not taint that memory, for even now it warmed him better than the burn of the alcohol. Warmed him enough to look at Shepard, to really _look_, and see the distress on her face; her tight lips, heavy eyes, pale skin, and how her bottle was held in a death grip.

She was mourning too and had sought _him_ out for comfort.

What could he say? Words were never his strong suit when it _really_ mattered. In moments of truth, where he could not joke or play indifferent, he became a fool. No one needed that tonight.

Garrus slid back into the Mako, pulling Shepard along. She held her tongue as he closed the door and her eyes went wide as he snapped off his armor and removed his visor, leaving him in his under-suit. He then dimed the red lights with a tap on his omni-tool and leaned back against the back seat. He reached for her and she did not fight as he pulled her to him and onto his lap. One arm held her close to his chest and the other gripped his bottle.

Her eyes held his as he gently started to rub her back, a gesture he'd seen human C-Sec cops do when trying to comfort a victim or a member of the victim's family. It seemed to work, as slowly she sat her liquor down and turned to fully curl against him, tucking her head into the front dip of his cowl and under his chin. Her scent flooded his senses and Garrus took a deep breath as he pressed his face to her head. Her smell and weight eased some of the pressure in his chest and he fully burrowed his face in her hair as he closed his eyes.

Guilt filled him at the small, selfish voice that whispered, _Thank the Spirits it wasn't her_.

"Garrus," she called as she leaned back from his hold to meet his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Sorry for what? Spirits, did she really think… that this was all _her fault_? Why did she always assume that every bad thing that happened in the galaxy occurred because she was just too slow to stop it?

Letting go of his bottle he cupped her face and pressed his head to hers. He would explain later what the gesture meant. That the center plate on his forehead was thin enough to allow to the nerve endings to feel in a different way than other parts of his face and it was a close translation to a human kiss. It was strange to think he stole her first turian kiss, but the way she closed her eyes and pressed back showed she was not completely clueless to the act.

Garrus savored the tingling down his spine and the burst of warmth that flooded his body at the firm contact; committed her sweet sigh to memory.

"This isn't your fault, Shepard." Her eyes flickered open at her name. "_Trust_ _me_ when I say that." He pulled her back against his chest and she buried her face into his neck and cowl, where she took a deep breath and pressed against him.

"I trust you," she muttered against the skin of his neck as he started to rub her back once more. Gently, as not to scratch her scalp, he ran his talons through her hair and she let out a small sigh that encouraged him to keep at it.

Garrus hated that this was the first time he had held her since their time on Earth; was the first time he'd held her as something more than a friend. He hated it because as much as he enjoyed her soft body molded against his, her hot breath against his neck, and her small hands running down his side, it wasn't enough to fill the painful void in him, only ease it.

It wasn't long before she fell asleep—warm breath even and deep, her heart gently pounding against his chest—and Garrus picked his bottle back up. He was glad she could sleep soundly with only him as comfort. But every time he closed his eyes he still saw Wrex's blood on his hands and heard Ashley's voice in his head.

He hoped one bottle was enough.

* * *

Something warm and soft was running through his fringe. The feeling was comforting and he leaned into it. The feeling stopped at his movement, which caused him to let of a tried whine of disproval. The pressure returned and with it came a hum. He found his mind was trying to sink into the black abyss of sleep as the melody soothed him, but he forced his eyes open to the waking world.

It took him a few seconds to process what he was seeing and, when he did, he was too tired to be embarrassed; to worn-out to care about anything but the need coiling tight inside him to have her as closes as possible. So he reached out and pulled her closer.

She was sitting, body curved over his with his head already in her lap. Shepard made a surprised gasped as his arms laced around her waist and he pressed his face against her covered stomach. Spirits, she was soft. He could feel her hard muscles twitch against his face, but without plating she would always seem preciously soft. Even now, he worried if his face plating could scratch her skin through her clothes. But, looking up and seeing her face flush with a soft smile gracing her lips, he didn't think anything about their position was unfavorable to her.

"You're up," she said, nimble fingers stilling in the groves of his fringe. This time when he gave a tired whine he did feel a flush of embarrassment and he looked away as his mandibles fluttered. She moved her hand from his fringe to his jaw, his plates tingling as her skin brushed him, and tilted his head up. Her smile widen as their eyes met, making his heart pound. "We're approaching the Citadel. I was hoping you were feeling up to joining me."

Garrus stared at her, surprised at the question, because it _was_ a question. She would ask if he was interested in a mission in general, if there was no clear need for one team member over the other and, even then, if _she_ was asking he would hardly say no.

It was just this time it was clear he had to go along with her. Tali was in no state to go anywhere after yesterday, Kaidan would be a mess as well, and who knows what shape Liara would be in. Shepard and Garrus were probably in the best mental condition of what remained of the ground crew, and Shepard going off ship with any team combination that didn't involve him was a risk to everyone's wellbeing.

Frankly, if he didn't go along it may be best for her to board the Citadel alone, but he wasn't about to let her out of his sight. He wanted to say it was because of his normal need to watch over his commander, to make sure he was there to watch her back—because no one could see through her hard mask like _he_ could—but it was more than that.

It had always been more than that.

Garrus had had flings on ships before, even with co-workers at C-Sec, but never had he wanted something more, like he did with Shepard. It felt silly, with all of their differences and the amount of attention Commander Shepard constantly drew, it was possible that it would end very badly for them one day. Yet, Garrus wasn't one to turn away from something just because of doubts. And he wasn't about to start with Shepard. Not after everything they've been through.

Garrus flared his mandibles in a smile and pushed himself up to rest on his knees. In the back of his mind, in light of everything that had happened, he knew as soon as they were out of the Mako she would double her efforts to stay professional around him, so he let himself enjoy the moment.

Her skin flushed deeper as he pressed his head to hers and he gently cupped the smooth curve of her neck. It was amazing how trilling simply touching her was. A part of him wanted to push things a little farther; his mouth to hers, her body under his, skin to plates….

But all of him, every last inch, just wanted to see her smile. And seeing how she was, he couldn't bring himself to do more.

He didn't track how long they sat there in silence. She had closed her eyes at one point and moved to rest her head on his chest. Holding her, feeling her solid weight in his arms, made him sure he was falling hard for her, because his whole body ached at the idea of letting her go.

"Garrus," she started and then stopped with a waver in her voice. Garrus was surprised at the wave of affection that her hesitation drew from him. He liked her like this; he wanted Shepard in his arms, not the commander. And the commander was never unsure.

"I…" she pulled away, looking down with a sigh. "I should get ready for departure."

Garrus gave a sheepish laugh realizing he never answered her. "Yes, _we_ should," he said, giving into his sudden urge to run a talon through her hair.

Shepard smiled and squirmed slightly at his touch, as his talon brushed down to the nap of her neck. Then her smile turned into a smirk as she pulled away.

Suddenly weary, and oddly excited, at the mischievous spark in her eyes, Garrus asked, "What?" as he ran his hand down the length of her arm.

Shepard pulled away again, sliding back to the Mako's doors and Garrus found himself admiring the graceful curve of her body as she moved.

"Are turians… ticklish?" she inquired, angling her head to peer at him through the dark crescent of her lashes.

"Not as much as I hear humans are, but yes," he answered as she opened the door and slid out.

"Hmm, good to know," she smiled back over her shoulders as she moved and Garrus could only stare dumbly as he listened to the dark purr in her voice.

Damn that woman, she enjoyed messing with him far too much. He was seconds away pulling her back into the Mako and showing her he knew how to tease too, but he couldn't look away from her eyes. Her gaze was powerful, filled with the fire he fell for long ago, and Garrus was lost in it.

He shook his head clear it once he realized she was standing a few feet from the Mako waiting for him, so he reattached his armor and visor and followed her.

For a few minutes, when all he could focus on was the human playfully toying with him, he had forgotten. He wasn't mad he had forgotten, and he wasn't mad that he remembered as he noticed the vacant bay pass Shepard's shoulders.

He just suddenly felt very empty.

Shepard noticed his change in demeanor as he exited the Mako and turned to follow his gaze. Her smile vanished. He could see her shoulders stiffen and, with great effort, she schooled her features.

"I'll give you a moment," she said, not with pity, but understanding. "I'll see you on deck in twenty."

Garrus nodded and Shepard headed to the elevator. "Tonnels," she greeted the bemused requisitions officer as she pasted.

"Commander," the man returned, voice slightly choppy as he looked from the commander, to Garrus, to the Mako.

Once Shepard was gone, Garrus didn't give the man any more attention as he walked over to the weapons bench, just as clean as Ashley always left it.

He ran his hand across the top. There, along the others wise perfect surface, was a small scratch in the metal top. So faint that he knew to look for it only from memory. Ash had gotten irrationally mad at Wrex over it. Not for making it, but for making it by getting careless with his guns. Wrex had rolled his eyes and said it was no big deal; if his gun couldn't handle a little 'tough love', then he didn't need to be using them in the first place.

_Garrus watched as Williams wavered on her feet. She had barely spoken three words the krogan warload, somehow even less to him, since they boarded the _Normandy _two weeks ago. But Garrus could see Commander Shepard didn't like Williams' aversion to the alien crew, not when it interfered with her work, and Williams was clearly under orders to make nice with at least the ones she shared a work space with._

_And 'make nice' apparently meant 'yell at' to the human female._

"_Tough love from you is borderline abuse," Williams huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Treat it right and it'll return the favor."_

_Wrex gave a snorting laugh, surprising both Williams and Garrus. "You treat them like children; to me they are extensions of my body. I treat my weapons with a warrior's respect," he stated, standing from the bench to better face the human._

_Williams again looked like she wanted to do anything, _anything_, but talk to Wrex. Especially about what guns _symbolized_ to her, but she held her ground._

"_I've noticed from the fact you sleep in a goddamn corner that you really don't give a damn about what happens to 'extensions' of your body. But try not to mess up _my_ guns when you check them out. This is an Alliance ship and while you are severing as a part of the crew, and use the weapon purchased by the Alliance and maintained by me, you might want to think twice before showing them 'tough love'."_

_Wrex was silent for a split second too long and Garrus knew he better intervene before the Gunnery Chief pissed off the war lord. A pissed off couple centuries old war lord stuck on the same ship as him, was not something he wanted to try sleeping around._

"_And you're both to damn attached to your weapons," he said as he walked over. They both snapped their eyes to him and he had to stop himself from flinching from the heat in their eyes. _

_Ah, why was he involving himself again? _

"_Spirits, you two act like they're alive," he went on. "A good weapon is something to be respected, but it's always about who's pulling the trigger."_

_He would admit to himself he was a little too attached to his guns at times. But he wasn't that attached—he found out—as Commander Shepard was always buying the newest guns on the market and he was excited every time she handed him a new sniper or assault and took his old one away to sell it; which happened surprisingly a lot in the short time since his tour on the _Normandy_ started. _

_The only thing he refused to replace was his visor. He was thankful the commander didn't press him about it; only informed him she would buy upgraded parts for his model and it was up to him to make sure it was up-to-date before going on any missions with her. _

_He didn't want to have to tell his CO it was a gift from his parents and, even though he knew it was getting outdated, and adding replacement parts was more expensive than just buying a new model, he just could not be sensible about it._

_Williams frowned, clearly not liking his intrusion into both her space and argument. "Of course _you_ don't care what you shoot with; as long as you're shooting at _something_, whether it called for it or not, I'm sure you're happy."_

_Garrus flared his mandibles in a smile, humored by her judging tone. Someone else would have fallen for her goad, but he didn't ask what she meant by that (it _was_ pretty clear what she meant by that) and he just chuckled._

"_You're right; as long as it shoots, I'll use it." Garrus was sorry to hear the slightly menacing tone to his voice. And he tried not to let himself feel too good at the nervous flicker in her eyes. "But I'll make sure to think of _you_ next time I check one of your babies out," he informed her._

_Wrex gave a displeased huff and near growled out, "I don't know why you are over here, turian, but no one asked for you. Why don't you go wait for the commander by her truck, like the lost pup you are?"_

_Garrus narrowed his eyes at the krogan, his mind bring forth all of the defensive moves he learned to take one down in case Wrex got any ideas._

_Garrus' retort was cut off from the icy voice behind him. From the way Williams flinched—the only person who was angled to see her approach—he knew the commander had taken all of them by surprise, as even Wrex stiffened._

"_I trust you're done playing with the Mako, Officer?" Commander Shepard asked, making Garrus turn to face her. He gave her a tight nod, ready for any type a reprimand, as she clearly had to have heard their discussion, but she just nodded._

"_Officer Vakarian, Urdnot, suit up," she ordered. "We're talking the Mako planetside and I'll brief you with the mission specs on the way." Then she titled her head to the side. "Nice to see you all getting along," she said, her face blank other than for the slight twitch in the corner of her human mouth._

_Garrus and Wrex lumbered into the Mako, and they both quickly forgot about any animosity between them when Commander Shepard let the Mako slam down on the planet's surface and promptly drove it off a cliff. _

Garrus chuckled, remembering Wrex's wide-eyed stare as Shepard drove as fast as she could towards a flat mountain side, only to hit the brakes and spin the Mako a hundred-and-eighty degrees to face the following geth swam.

He thought back to how nervous he was when Shepard had sneaked up on them and how little she cared… only, thinking back, looking at the tilt of her head and twitch of her mouth, Garrus realized she had found them bickering _amusing_. Hell, Garrus found it amusing too now. They said some pretty nasty things to each other, but it was a part of their dynamic.

Around Wrex and Ash he didn't have to worry about anyone's feeling over what he said, and it was a different kind of feeling than with Shepard. Shepard made him nervous and jumpy and confident all in one go. But with those two, there was no posturing, no worry he would say something stupid, because they both were always saying something stupid first.

They always called each other on their bullshit and that, above all, was what he was going to miss the most.

"Garrus," Joker called through the comm, breaking him from his thoughts. Had it been twenty minutes already? "Get your ass up here, ASAP. And bring your stick. Shepard here needs—"

"Joker!" Shepard snapped, her voice lower than his, most likely from being in the same room but farther from the comm. "For the love of God, that's broadcasting to the whole damn ship!"

Joker laughed. "Oops, my bad. What I meant to say; Shepard needs that stick of yours out of your ass and in—"

"_Jeff_!"

The comm went dead and Garrus laughed as he shook his head. He better on head up and save Joker.

He gave one more look at the bench, before glancing at the empty corner and heading to the CIC.

* * *

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**A/N:** When Kaidan went 'WTF is he dead' in the game I just sighed and shook my head. Kaidan is so hopeless. Sorry 'bout killing Ash and Wrex. After playing ME1 I really wish it was them I dealt with in 2 and 3 and not Kaidan and Wreav. More not Kaidan than Wreav.

The only game character I dislike more than Kaidan is… Alistair from Dragon Age (But, to be fair, Kaidan is still a good guy, just seems not to think before he talks). I romanced him to become queen and hated every second of it. And for some reason he was my tank! Sten kept dying on me left and right, but Mr. Never Shut's His Big Mouth Ever could kick _all_ the ass. I think my extreme hate of him made him strong.

Thanks for sticking around and for all the favs/follows/reviews! :D


	20. Into Chaos

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **OinkyThePiggy

* * *

Chapter Twenty

Into Chaos

On his way up to the CIC Garrus was surprised to see what little remained of the late Captain Kirrahe's STG all sitting in the mess. He had forgotten they were on board with everything else plaguing his mind.

Thinking that having something to eat would do him some good for the day, Garrus darted into the mess and pulled out a plain dextro ration bar; one that was so bland and unnourishing he could practically hear his mother, Michel, and Shepard lecturing him all at once for not eating right.

With a heavy sigh, Garrus returned the bar to the cabinet and pulled out a sealed breakfast tray from the fridge and set it to be heated.

"Garrus," Kaidan greeted as he approached. Garrus noticed a few of the STG members looked up at the sound of his name and even watched as Kaidan walked over to him.

Garrus gave Kaidan a quick once-over and was surprised to see he looked pretty well rested. Maybe he wasn't giving the biotic enough credit before when he thought he would still be a mess. If he was, he was hiding it very well.

"Joker sure knows how to start a day," Kaidan stated with amusement and Garrus laughed his agreement. The biotic looked away for a second, out at the mess, before adding, "Shepard wanted me to check with you before I gave the STG team the go-ahead to go back down to the hold."

Garrus was surprised by Kaidan's request.

"_Back_ down? I wasn't aware that they were down there to begin with." He dropped his mandibles into a frown as he glanced over at the team.

He noticed that the wide, dark eyes of the salarians seemed to focus on him more than his human companion and he felt himself grow curious at the team's interest in him. Garrus had had limited contact with them planet-side—as they had more pressing things to do than chatting up the STG team—so he couldn't think of a reason why they would have a particular interest in him over Kaidan. He was the only turian serving on the Alliance vessel, so maybe that was it?

In Garrus' sweep of the STG team he had caught the eyes of the quarry master, Commander Rentola, and the commander stood and walked over to them. Garrus knew what a curious salarian looked like (heck, he was pretty sure they were _born_ with an inquisitive look on their faces) and the commander clearly had a few burning questions on his mind.

"Yes," Commander Rentola nodded in Kaidan's direction while holding eye contact with Garrus. "We were there for the night. It was unexpected to see the captain emerged from the assault vehicle this morning and suggest we head up to eat and converse as loudly as we wanted there. It _was_ odd, but now less so." He turned and inclined his head to his team and they all left for the lower deck.

Spirits, he did not want to look at Kaidan.

He really didn't want to look at Kaidan.

Ugh, he _had_ to look at Kaidan.

The LT was frowning, still looking at the spot the salarian commander just vacated.

Garrus didn't know what to say. One part of him was surprised to hear Shepard had actually left the Mako and returned after ensuring he wouldn't wake from his sleep prematurely, but the other part was shocked that she did it knowing what rumor mill it would start.

It was both sweet and stupid all in one act, and it made him care for her even more all the same.

Kaidan turned his head slowly to look towards Shepard's room, then to him.

"I had wondered where Shepard had gone off to last night," he said slowly with a careful tone. "I went to check on her… She was with you? The whole night?"

How mad would Shepard be exactly if he made sure Kaidan knew his attention was… unwanted?

Ah, but that wasn't his place.

And as much as he didn't like Kaidan being so… _persistent_ with Shepard, Garrus had no intention of hurting his friend in any way after that nightmare they dealt with yesterday.

"We had a few drinks and passed out in the Mako," he said with a shrug. "She was worried, after yesterday with Ash and Wrex…"

Kaidan's frown vanished and he looked down guiltily. "Yeah, I get it. I was just worried about her being alone all night. From her service record, her teams rarely see casualties on her watch, so I thought this might put her in a bad spot."

Garrus thought back to when Shepard told Rear Admiral Kahoku about his team and her far off gaze from last night. He wasn't sure how hard she was taking it, but seemed to be dealing with it as well as one could hope. Still, he hoped she would seek him out again if things became too much for her to handle.

Kaidan returned to his post and Garrus ate his meal. Having something warm in his stomach actually helped his mood a bit and he didn't let his mind linger on the reason the crew was giving him such a wide berth, something they haven't done in a while.

* * *

On deck, Shepard was running through log reports and spared only a brief nod his way as he passed. He returned it and headed to the cockpit, slightly curious if Shepard had broken a bone this time.

"You really are a glutton for punishment," Garrus stated as he placed a hand on the back Joker's seat.

Joker was in the middle of docking, but it was something routine enough that he gave most of his attention to Garrus.

"No, I believe the guy who hooks up with his CO is the 'glutton for punishment', don't ya think?" Joker smirked, an amused glint flashing in his eyes.

Garrus crossed his arms and leaned his weight on the side of the seat. "No one 'hooked up'." Then he narrowed his eyes. "And didn't you learn anything last time you spied on me?"

"Chill, big guy. I was kinda worried after…" Joker's smile slipped and he suddenly cursed as he brought one hand up and ran it through his short hair.

Garrus knew what was coming and he felt a little bad he didn't think to check on Jeff before this. The pilot had always been nothing but friendly to him and Garrus was starting to view him as more friend than crewmate.

"God, I don't think Tali's stopped crying. And Liara's been cold, man, like after her mother died. Kaidan, he's either putting on the bravest face in the damn universe or that man has the shortest grieving period I've ever seen, and I know him and Ash were pretty freaking tight.

"And you, you kind of freaked us both out. Shepard used the cameras to check in on the crew last night," he explained. "She never did that before, always privacy first with her if it wasn't about rules and regs." Joker looked up over his shoulder and gave Garrus a quick glance before looking forward again. "You were just staring at the empty bench and… I don't think I've ever seen her move quicker than that before, to get to your side." He paused, hands smoothly gliding over the glowing console. "I… I think Shepard's okay. I mean, not okay with them dying, but… used to it."

"Kaidan said she rarely loses squad members," Garrus responded as he watched the _Normandy_ glide past a cluster of war ships, wondering why they were gathered at the Citadel.

"I don't think _everything_ she's done is on record. If you haven't noticed, Shepard's the poster child for humanity. Hell, I didn't even know she was born on Earth 'till she told me. Didn't know anything about her except what I heard on the news and from the higher ups." Jeff shook his head as he gave a deep sigh. "Just forget I mentioned it. I just have a lot of time to think up here."

Garrus wanted to press him and ask exactly what he was getting at, but Garrus was starting to get his own ideas about the commander, and only Shepard could fully answer them.

Hopefully, one day he'll feel comfortable enough to ask her and she'll be open enough with him tell him, but for now he let it drop.

Garrus lingered in the cockpit, not having a better place in mind to wait for departure, and ended up talking about, of all things, Fleet and the Flotilla, as Tali had been going around forcing crew members to watch it with her for the last few weeks.

Joker gave a long sigh. "I don't have the heart to tell her I hate it. At first it was alright. Kinda mushy and stuff, but not bad. But she keeps watching it up here like the cockpits a theater and if I have to hear 'You're helmet's as smooth as any well-nourished, adult female's plates'—which is the most unromantic line in the history of pickup lines and I call bullshit on that guy getting laid—I'm gonna fly us into the nearest sun."

"She asked what my favorite part was and I said, _very sarcastically_, 'the music'. She bought me the soundtrack." Garrus didn't say that she had finally roped him into watching it only after she had watched it with Ash and they double teamed him.

Joker shuddered. "Ugh, the music. It's like someone's smothering a cockatiel."

As Garrus had given up trying to figure out what humans were always yapping about on his own, he had bought a pretty decent human language and idioms dictionary for turians, and his visor informed him a 'cockatiel' was an Earth bird commonly kept as a pet.

"And the turian actor has absolutely no emotion," Shepard joined as she smoothly walked in; arms behind her back and eyes scanning the room. "Didn't even seem like he liked the quarian girl at all."

Joker smirked as he turned to catch the commander's eye. "Well, I guess you are an expert in turians and their _likes_."

Shepard's eyes flickered to Garrus for a brief second before she gave Jeff an even stare. "Joker…" she warned with a bit of heat.

Joker waved his hand in the air as he turned to resume piloting. "Yeah, yeah. 'Not while on duty' and 'keep shit semi-professional' and yadda-yadda. Man, I can't wait till you two seal the deal. I imagine you'll both be chilled out afterwards."

Garrus couldn't help but fidget at Joker's words and he couldn't look directly at Shepard. Ah, why was he embarrassed? Wasn't he just talking about this with Joker?

Garrus stole a glance at Shepard and saw she was rubbing her temples and that her cheeks were slightly darker in color.

"Just keep the ship in one piece while I'm gone," the captain said slightly exasperatedly and Joker chuckled.

"And there goes the rager I was planning."

Joker grinned as Shepard patted him on the shoulder and turned to leave, signaling for Garrus to follow. He walked by her side as they headed towards the meeting room and he noticed that their footfalls were in sequence with each other's, and even when he tried to change the rhythm hers would adjust to his. Strange.

"Liara will be joining us," she informed him as they walked past Pressley. "The Council didn't believe my recount of what happened on Virmire."

Of course. Why would they believe anything the commander tells them? That would require them taking their heads out of their asses for two minutes. It was starting to look like being a Spectre wasn't that different than working for C-Sec.

"Which part?" he asked as he let her pass first into the meeting room. "The cloned krogan army or the mythical Prothean killing AI?"

Shepard gave a tight smile as she turned to face him, walking backward. "They think Sovereign's all in my head."

"While there is a great deal of crazy in there," he said while giving her forehead a gentle flick. "Sovereign's all too real," he assured. He walked over and sat in his chair and Shepard sat in hers, only to look around at the empty room and stand up to walk over to his side.

Seeing how he thought she would try and keep her distance with him, he was quite pleased that she chose the sit next to him and turn to face him completely. He turned as well and their knees bumped as their legs invaded each other's space.

"The Council is massing a joint species fleet to deal with Saren and the geth."

"That is…a surprisingly appropriate response."

"I know. Weird, huh?" She grinned up at him and he leaned back as he shot her a skeptical look.

"If you didn't work for them, I'd say it was a trap."

"You _always_ think it's a trap," she reasoned as she placed a light hand on his knee that he was far too aware of.

"Because it always is," he said, debating reaching out and talking her hand into his. "Stop amassing vengeful enemies then we'll talk."

Just as his hand reached for hers, the door to the room opened and he pulled his hand back. Shepard's eyes caught his movement and she sent him a soft smile as she turned away from him.

"That, I believe, is impossible for our commander," Liara said as she approached and Garrus made a mental note asari had excellent hearing. "As she's too fond of sticking her nose were it does not belong."

Shepard scoffed. "_Hey_, after we're done with all this you're gonna be one very popular archaeologist and let's see how long you go without getting into trouble."

Garrus grinned. "You are a magnet for trouble."

Liara gave a half smile. "And the impossible."

Shepard crossed her arms and stuck her nose in the air while closing her eyes. "Thank you."

Liara took the seat next to him, so Shepard could easily see them both without standing, and the commander turned all business. She informed Liara of the fleet and of the Council's unwillingness to believe her.

"As you both were with me when I encountered Sovereign, I figure a future Spectre and respected doctor might have a bit more weight to their words with the Council. Since these visions seem to take more than they give."

"Shepard, without them we may have been left doubting the validity of the Reapers just like the Council," Liara reasons gently.

Shepard shrugged. "I suppose."

"I know they are… disturbing," the asari went on, "as the bits left in my mind from joining have not always let me rest in peace. Once we are done there are ways to either lessen a memory's potency or completely erase them."

The commander actually seemed to brighten at the offer. "Normally I'd say 'no' to more people messin' with my head, but that sounds like a good idea."

Garrus frowned. How bad were those visions? He had originally assumed Liara was just… a bit fair in countenance, but it was starting to sound like they were more nightmares than visions.

Shepard stood and motioned for them to as well. "Alright team, let's get our gear and head out."

* * *

The Council security was, expectantly, tighter than usual and Garrus and Liara both had to wait in the waiting room while any available Spectres swept the Council's Chambers. There were only two other Spectres currently stationed in the tower, an energetic male salarian and a red hued female drell, and the commander gave a respectful nod to both as she joined them, telling her team to stay put while she did her 'Spectrely duty'.

It was the first time Garrus had to wait in the large, almost all white waiting room, as normally Shepard would go right up to the Chambers unimpeded, and with C-Sec he never had the clearance to personally see the Council, so the room was completely new to him.

It had a nice large window that ran the length of the room and gave view to the statue of an oddly shaped relay and the lake. The room itself was spacious, with couches and chairs made for elcor and, surprisingly, krogan littered around the area. Plants from different planets were also scattered around the room and the smells from the flowering ones were clashing in a pleasing way.

Not far from where Garrus and Liara were standing was the human ambassador, Udina. The human was eyeing them quite a bit and Garrus didn't like the conniving look in the man's eyes as he watched them.

Besides Udina, there were a handful of put-out looking asari, a few clearly military turians, and some adamantly talking salarians present in the room as well. All of them muttering about why the Council was so worried about _one_ rogue Spectre when the geth were the problem (which would then descend into conversation about how any race could be so _foolish_ as to lose control of their own creations?) and how the new human Spectre was just for show.

Udina was having a hell of a time holding his tongue at the comments, even having to leave the room a few times, muttering a few human idioms that only Garrus, Liara, and a couple of the salarians picked up on.

Garrus, though, had something else more pressing on his mind; something that he couldn't stop thinking about since leaving the _Normandy_ and he knew of only one way of getting what he wanted.

And that was Liara.

Garrus walked along the spotless widow with Liara following him with a bored expression on her face, until they came to a relatively empty section of the room. He turned to his friend and his mandibles gave a nervous flutter as he thought of the best way to phrase his request.

"Liara could you show me these… visions?"

For a second the doctor blinked up at him with wide, deep blue eyes. "They are not pleasant," she warned, but Garrus was just relieved that she didn't reject his request outright.

"I kind of figured that," he said, turning to look out the window. "I just want an idea of what Shepard is dealing with."

Liara turned to also look out the window and in their reflections her eyes caught his and he saw a bit of doubt in her.

"I don't know…" she said, chewing her pale blue bottom lip.

"You know I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it was important."

"Here? Now?" she asked, looking around.

"The Council Chambers is a pretty big room to sweep," he said. "It'll only take a second to show me."

"What if you… pass out?" she asked, glancing down at the floor before turning to face him. "What will I tell the commander?"

Garrus pulled himself up to full height and gently placed a hand on her narrow shoulders.

"I'm not going to pass out," he assured and Liara frowned and stepped back.

"Garrus," she started, nervously twisting her hands together in way similar to Tali. "What you'll see is only a _piece_ of what inside of the commander's head and only a bit more coherent." She paused and started pacing, her voice filled with tight emotion. "What you will see is the death of a race, of a universe, all in one dreadful moment. You will see their agony, hear their despair, and feel their pain. You will know their fear like it is your own and you will only be able to stand by and watch as they end. As you end."

Garrus placed both hands on her shoulders and stopped her. He locked eyes with her and, even though what she was saying was doing a pretty good job of making him want to back out, he wanted to know what Shepard did. He wanted to see the whole story for himself, because there wasn't just _one_ Reaper out there and it wasn't going to be just _one_ fight with them.

A turian knew the start of a war when it was staring them in the face, and he'd seen the glowing, ghostly image of Sovereign himself.

"I'll be fine." It was a lie, but not for the reason Liara would think.

Nothing from this point on would be fine, and Garrus was just now starting to understand that. It was fun running around the galaxy hunting geth and dealing with one insane thing after another. It was fun forming bonds he never let himself make before and it was fun figuring out all of the parts that made up his commander, but the fun was over.

Ash and Wrex were dead and the universe was about to face something it could barely comprehend and refused to even acknowledge.

"You sound like the commander."

He wondered if he was starting to think like her too.

"Liara…" he pressed, voice firm and slightly pleading.

"Alright," she sighed out as she caved. "Have you ever, um, joined with an asari before?"

Knowing that she needed to relax—him too—he joked, "So this is like mind sex. I _knew_ it!"

Liara blushed a deep purple and stuttered out, "N-No! It is just that you, um, you would know what to expect when my mind touches… touches yours." She regained her composure and Garrus was a bit pleased to note that even if Liara was getting a tougher shell, he could still easily make her blush. "You must not shy away," she said as she cleared her throat. "You must open up yourself up to me."

"You didn't explain all this to Shepard," he stated, curious as to why she didn't need to tell the captain all this.

"That is because I was reading her mind, not implanting images."

"What's the difference?"

"Reading, I can stay outside your mind as I only need to look in. Implanting requires me to create a temporary bridge, if you will, between our minds and _cross_ it to enter yours. If you were an asari I would merely think of the memory and you would see it, but I need to manually guide your mind for this. It is all very simple really. And you can easily stop me at any point, which is why I need you to stay calm."

He took a deep breath and nodded. "Got it."

It looked like Liara wanted to argue some more but she reached up and cradled his jaw in her hands.

"Relax, Garrus. Open your mind," she said with worry shining bright in her kind eyes. "Let the light in."

Her pupils dilated wide and then the inky blackness spread from the growing circles until her eyes were nothing but shimmering, black orbs.

Then everything was gone.

Just gone.

There was a tugging on his… him? Just on him in general; not on his arms or legs, but all of him, and it was familiar enough that he didn't pull away. And when a white light flickered to life in his eyes, he didn't resist as he let it in.

It hit him all at once.

It wasn't indescribable, as people often said that it was the _fear_ of the unknown that was worse than the known, but Garrus was sure they've never seen genocide first hand.

The crunch of bone, shrill screams of pain, tearing of flesh, the hiss of machines. Bodies distorted, bent in different ways each time. A mouth opening from a hunk a raw flesh, meat melting and popping. Machines screeching, demanding their death, never stopping, never yielding. A blast of light, the bright halo of a sun around a black planet; an empty planet.

All empty planets.

The blare of a horn, a sound like no other, a sound that scares him to his bones. The twisted shriek of steel and flesh, of a damned soul.

_The Reapers are coming. You have been warned. _

* * *

Garrus stumbled and Liara swiftly moved to support his weight with both her hands and biotics.

"Well… shit."

"You look pale. Can turians look pale? I believe you are pale. Here," she prattled nervously as she leaned him against a wall, her hand touching the un-plated skin of his neck as she checked his pulse.

"And it's worse than _that_ for her?"

"Yes," Liara answered as she pressed to fingers firmly to his neck.

"_Shit_."

Liara pulled him over and forced him to sit on a couch. "Wait here. I will go get some water—"

He shook his head. "I'm fine, just give me a sec to sort all that out."

"Do… do you wish to talk about it?"

Garrus gave an empty chuckle.

"You already know it. Creepy ass sounds, creepy ass images, and creepy ass voice saying the '_Reapers are coming'_," he mocked dramatically, leaning his elbows on his knees as he ran his hands along his fringe.

"I do not recall such a voice," Liara said slowly as she sat down next to him. "But turians are more sensitive to vocal cues, so it is not unreasonable you would pick up on something Shepard and I did not." He looked over at her and she was pressing her fist to her mouth. "Shepard's human mind was able to hold the full account, but not process it. My mind was able to help focus it with the cypher, and you have heard something that has gone unnoticed before," she mused. "No one species can fully process it, as there is no way the Prothean's could have prepared for each race's unique thought patterns and processes, but together…" she trailed off, no longer looking at him but through him.

For several minutes Garrus just watched Liara think, her face serene except for the slight pull of her brow. Until her eyes snapped back into focus and she asked, "The beacon was a warning?"

Garrus shrugged.

"Looks like it."

"I was not sure what they were trying to convey at first, but warning does seem plausible."

Liara placed her hand on Garrus' shoulder and gently asked, "Are you feeling better? Do you need to return to the _Normandy_? I am sure Shepard would understand if—"

"Understand what?"

Garrus sighed. Of course. Damn her and her freaky perfect timing.

He looked up as his commander approached; her face impassive but he could see the slight pull at the edges of her mouth and eyes as she tried to hide her worry.

She repeated, a bit more insistent, "Understand what?" Shepard stopped to hover over them as she crossed her arms. "Are you feeling ill, Garrus?"

While he was still a little light headed, he was confident that he could stand with no problem, so he stood, pulling Liara along (more like she refused to let him go until she was sure he was able to keep his balance) and he flared his mandibles into a grin.

"I'm fine," he said and, even though he really didn't mean to keep sounding like her, the commander frown, clearly not trusting that phrase just like he didn't with her.

"Maybe," Udina, who was cold trailing Shepard, started with a disapproving note in his voice, "Your crew shouldn't be preforming _these_ types of acts in public. I know asari tend not to be able to hold in their baser instincts, but when it knocks your turian flat on his ass, some discipline is needed."

Liara paled before her face flushed a deep purple and Garrus didn't have time to display his own anger at Udina's comment before his cop instincts kicked in and he grabbed the doctor just as she took a swing at the man.

Shepard's eyes flashes before she gave Liara a withering glare that made her back off and the commander spun to Udina, turning to go, seemingly brushing off his comment.

But as Garrus and Liara fell in line behind the two humans, he heard Shepard snidely ask, "Hmm, I wonder exactly how you would know that, Ambassador? Sounds like you have some experience with asari and their _needs_. "

Udina flustered an odd purple-red and didn't say another word until they arrive before the Council.

* * *

Garrus wasn't there when Shepard was initiated into the Spectres and he's never been present for one of Shepard's debriefings with the Council over the vid chat. She had brought him along for a few in-person debriefs while they were on the Citadel, but they were always short and to the point, with only a few comments here and there from the Councilors.

He shouldn't be surprised, not when Shepard had told him numerous times about the way the Council treated her. He shouldn't be surprised, and he really wasn't, not with their attitude towards his commander, but at the volume of anger he was feeling; particularly at the turian Councilor, Sparatus.

One more derogative word out the other turian's mouth and knew he wouldn't be able to hold his tongue. It had nothing to do with his current growing feelings towards Shepard, or his deep respect for her as his captain; Sparatus was representing the whole turian race, and if the Primarchs knew how completely childish the man was acting they would have him stripped of his title in _seconds_.

Even the salarian Councilor was giving Shepard an oddly hard time, as he was convinced Saren had her completely fooled to his real goals.

The muscles in the commander's jaw flexed as she calmly asked, "What about the Reapers? Sovereigns the real threat and Saren's just a servant of the Reapers."

So far the Council had made it clear they didn't want to risk a war by venturing into the Terminus Systems through the Mu Relay and that the Conduit wasn't an issue, _if_ it was real at all. The Reapers were Commander Shepard's last option to try and persuade the Council to _go after Saren_, and not just wait for him to show up with a geth army and Reaper in tow.

The asari Councilor, Tevos, quickly answered, "Only you have seen the Reapers. And then only in visions. We won't invade the Terminus Systems because of a dream," she ended with agitation.

"I believe I already stated that I encountered one on Virmire. Since you are aware of how I dealt with the krogan clones," Shepard gave a pointed look at Sparatus for his earlier comment, "then you've read that part as well. You should also be aware that I was not the only one there." Shepard stepped back and Liara and Garrus stepped forward.

"Commander Shepard speaks the truth," Liara stated loudly to the room, eyes scanning the Council, and Garrus had the feeling that the archaeologist had to do a few speeches in her lifetime. "The beacon the commander encountered on Eden Prime did not cause her to have dreams or visions in the abstract sense; it implanted a message."

Sparatus narrowed his eyes. "So far, I am inclined to believe that these _Reapers_ are merely a delusion, brought on by the stress of one promoted before their time."

Liara shifted uncomfortably at the remark but went on.

"Myself and Officer Vakarian can attest to the validity of not only the events on Virmire and the Reaper encounter, but on the messages left by the Protheans through the beacon."

Both Sparatus and Tevos looked interested but Valern let out a huff. "And why should we—"

Tevos lifted her hand to silence Valern and the salarian hotly glared, but still quieted.

"You have seen these visions, Dr. T'Soni?" Tevos asked with a tilt of her head.

"Yes. As the—"

Tevos once again held up her hand and Liara cut herself off.

"And you too, Vakarian?"

"Yes, I have."

"And you are both aware of… how this can be viewed from the outside?"

"If you mean we will probably be called crazy too after this, then yes, we get it."

Sparatus mandibles dropped into a frown. "This is nonsense." He turned to his two peers. "Just because an asari," he glanced sideways at Liara, "…is showing Shepard's visions like the latest vid doesn't mean anything. What they saw may seem real to them, but it changes nothing."

Valern snorted. "Afraid your new Spectre's already compromised?"

Garrus never mentioned the reason Sparatus would want Garrus as a Spectre was because of his father's connection to the Primarch of Palaven, Fedorian, and how Sparatus was never on good terms with the leader of the turian homeworld and the commander of the Turian Fleet.

"Because the one you two were so adamant about is working out _so_ well."

What would Shepard call it? The straw that broke the camel's back? Well, whatever she would say Sparatus' comment was, Garrus knew he couldn't hold his tongue anymore.

Garrus growled low with his harmonics and Sparatus' eyes snapped to him. To the others present his subvocals, at most, would come across as a distortion when he talked normally, and a deep whine when he talked solely with them.

"_This is how the Council treats their own Spectre? Like trash dragged in by a varren?" _

Sparatus' fringe flared slightly. _"From the start she—"_

"_Has worked her ass off trying to prove that that bareface Saren was dirty, which he was, if you've _forgotten_, and now you refuse to believe what not only she is telling you, but Dr. T'Soni and me as well?"_

Tevos was saying something to Liara about how misleading dreams can be if they were housed in a particularly strong-willed mind as Sparatus gave Garrus his full attention.

"_Saren is an insult to our race and his station. It would have been better if your investigation was not halted, as the commander has not made any of this easy. The things she has done, the risks she has taken and the damage done; setting off a nuclear device, killing the last traces of the rachni, playing around with the human group Cerberus, and constantly killing wherever she goes does not leave room for the type of trust this requires from us."_

"_I believe you put a stop to my investigation in the first place. You all made it possible for Saren to work in plain view for as long as he did and then you needed Shepard to do your dirty work. Saren is your mistake and she's been cleaning it up, with no regard for her wellbeing along the way."_

Sparatus narrowed his eyes. _"You sound… attached, Vakarian."_

Garrus smirked. _"Not in the way you are to Essian and her girls." _The asari brothel owner was always more than willing to let Garrus know the latest bits of gossips, as he made sure her girls were always safe and she wanted to let him know that turians in _high places_ liked what she was offering him for free. _"But yes, I am," _he admitted_. _

Sparatus had heard the change in Garrus' voice when he talked about her and to deny his attachment to Shepard, when blatantly asked about it, would show shame on his part, and he could never feel that way about her.

"Are you two done?" Tevos snapped, clearly miffed at them having a separate conversation in front of her. "Is there anything you two would like to _share_?"

Sparatus held Garrus' gaze before looking at the rest gathered.

"No. I believe this meeting is over."

Shepard quickly stepped forward, past Garrus and Liara and he wasn't prepared for just how desperate she sounded as she once again tried to make them see reason.

"If Saren finds the Conduit, then we're all screwed! We have to go to Ilos."

Sparatus, wisely, refrained from any more remarks and addressed Udina. "Ambassador Udina, I get the sense that Commander Shepard isn't willing to let this go."

Udina, clearly pleased to have the Council defer to him, quickly said, "There are serious political implications here, Shepard. Humanities made great gains thanks to you. But now you're becoming more trouble than you're worth."

_Bastard!_ He was selling her out.

"It's just politics, Commander. You've done your job, now let me do mine. We've locked out all of the _Normandy's_ primary systems. Until further notice, you're grounded."

The last part made Shepard's eyes widen in shock before she regain her self-control.

"You've haven't touched your omi-tool this whole time… you grounded me _before_ the meeting. You never planned on listening to me, did you?" She gave a sweep of the room. "None of you did. And it's not just us who will pay for ignoring this; the whole galaxy will."

"I think it's time for you and your team to leave, Commander. This no longer concerns you. The Council can handle this. With _my_ help, of course."

With a shake of her head the commander turned away and Garrus and Liara followed without a word.

* * *

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**A/N: **So, I had to do an experiment, something simple just to get the hang of conducting studies and writing research papers. I wanted to work with California Blackworms… but what I wanted to do involved heavy metals, so that was a no :(

I ended up with a partner and we did betta fish aggression levels. They are so cute! I ended up keeping two. One's super aggressive and has a pouty face, so I named him Grumpy. The other is super laid-back, and is dark blue with a red strip, who I named Garrus lol

But the _best_ part of last weekend was I got accepted to UC Davis! In vaguely six years I'll be a veterinarian! I'm so excited and so scared at the same time!

Lol Anyway, the Council was so _annoying_. I'm glad I didn't deal with them in ME2 and it was a whole new set in ME3. They kept acting like Shepard was the _only_ person there to see everything. Her/his crew was right there too.

Thanks to everyone for sticking around. Three more chapters to go, then a few bonus chapters, and this will be done! :D


	21. They Set the Universe on Fire

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Bioware.

**Beta Reader: **OinkyThePiggy

* * *

Chapter Twenty-One

They Set the Universe on Fire

The trip back to the grounded _Normandy_ was made in absolute silence. Garrus, sure that nothing that would come out of his mouth would be helpful—as all he wanted to do was storm back and knock some damn sense into the Council—just followed his sullen commander.

By the Spirits, what could they do now? The Council was just sitting back and letting Saren win. Here was Shepard, giving them a chance to fight, and all they wanted to do was call her names and kick her to the side now that they were done with her.

Bastards. Each and every one of them.

Boarding the ship and exiting the airlock, Joker all but ambushed them. Shepard, lost in her own head, instinctively reacted and Garrus, who was at her side and saw her heart rate spike on his visor, had to grab her wrist before she lashed out.

Joker didn't even notice as he moved closer to them with a scowl on his face that wasn't from any pain he was feeling from his illness.

"Shit, Shepard, I tried calling you but they blocked the signal and _they fucking_ _grounded us_," he bit out harshly. "Please tell me this is some insane plan where the Council is only _pretending_ to have their heads up their ass so, when we all jump through the Mu Relay, Saren won't know what hit him?"

Shepard gritted her teeth, her jaw flexing as she struggled for an answer. Only she didn't have one so she just yanked her hand from Garrus' grip and stormed past the pilot.

"_Shit_."

Liara blew out a hard breath through her nose. "That is my sentiment as well."

Garrus watched Shepard storm away, hand clenching around thin air, and the crew jumped out of her way as she went. She descended the stairs to the lower level and no one dared follow her.

"What the hell are we going to do now?" Joker asked, looking between the two soldiers.

Just like Shepard, neither of them had an answer.

* * *

When it was clear the crew was vacating the second level to escape Shepard's wrath, Garrus headed down to, well, he wasn't really sure _what_ he was planning on saying or doing, just that he needed to check on her.

"Son of a bitch!" Shepard yelled as she threw her gantlet at her locker stationed near the med-bay. She was dressed in her dark blue regs and her sleeves were rolled up to her elbows.

Her gauntlet bounced violently off the locker, leaving a deep indentation on the metal door. She stalked over and picked it up—he noticed it was the only piece of armor she had out and wondered if she forgot it when she first put away her armor—and she yanked open the locker and threw it in there, slamming the door shut. She turned and fell back hard against it, slowly sliding to the ground with a look, that tore at his chest, on her face.

He hated seeing her so lost.

"I know you're pissed when you treat your armor like that," he stated in a light, gentle tone as he approached, trying his best to push aside his own distress.

Shepard snorted and pressed the heels of her palms to her eyes. "What? No comment about that clusterfuck back there?"

Garrus crossed his arms as he shifted his weight to one hip. "I was there, you know. I don't think reliving it is going to help anything."

She looked up at him as she dropped her hands in her lap. She held his gaze and he watched as her brows drew together with a frown.

"Back with the Council, about my visions. If they really thought I was crazy they wouldn't have made me a Spectre to begin with," Shepard started with a hard edge to her voice. "Did you really…?"

Garrus flared his fringe, holding back the offense he was feeling at her thinking he would lie like that, but his mandibles still gave an irritated snap as he spoke up.

"I didn't lie," he assured, never breaking eye contact. "Liara showed me the visions in the waiting room."

Shepard eyes widen as she gave a shocked gasp. "Why the _hell_ did she—"

"Because I asked her too," he interrupted. Then quickly added, knowing her next question, "Because I wanted to know what exactly we're dealing with." And even though he didn't need to tell her, he still said, "And, I know they bother you and I wanted to know…"

He looked away, unable to fully explain. He couldn't help her if he didn't know what was troubling her, and Shepard never talked about her problems easily, so he had to see the visions for himself.

Laughing. She was _laughing_.

Garrus watched, plates shifting in slight embarrassment that he was being too emotional about everything, and Shepard just laughed into her hands.

"Of course that's why," she exclaimed breathlessly as she ran her hands down her face and dropped her head back onto the metal of the lockers with a hard thud. He wasn't prepared for how sad she looked. "You really do care for me that much, big guy?"

Was that rhetorical? Please let that be rhetorical.

Shepard sighed and ran a hand through her short hair. "Thank you for that," she said, sincerely, as she looked up at him from the floor, so small and far away. "You've done more for me than you'll ever know."

Then she sighed again and moved back to their original subject, and Garrus was a little thankful for it, as he wasn't sure what to say. It was easy in his head; she had helped him in so many ways, made his life meaningful again, became someone important—_vital_—to him. Just saying it was… hard.

_It wasn't hard with Sparatus_, his mind growled in annoyance.

Well, he was a little bit too angry to think all that clearly then, and Sparatus seemed to dislike Shepard a little bit _too_ much for it to be platonic. And, from working with people of all species, Garrus knew even adults tended not to be able to convey their emotions properly.

While Garrus wasn't the jealous type, it was his instinct to ward off other turians if they showed similar… interest.

When did his life turn into a damn soap opera?

"I don't care that they grounded me, but they refuse to go after Saren. If they don't stop him from finding the Conduit, we're all dead."

Garrus nodded. "I know." Then he tilted his head to the side and gave a challenging look as he baited, "What are you going to do about it, Captain?"

Shepard huffed out a quick puff of air before she weakly grinned. "We lost the battle not the war, Vakarian. I'll figure something out."

Garrus nodded and reached down, offering his hand to hers, which she took without hesitation.

"That's my girl," he said without thinking and froze once his words hit him. Today was just not his day.

Shepard, now on her feet, hand still in his and body only inches away, softly inquired, "Your girl?"

He swallowed hard. "Ah, Commander, I didn't mean—"

Her free hand lightly cupped his mandibles, making his mouth snap close, and her cool fingers stroked his plates; lightly at first, then harder with an edge of want to it. Fire erupted under his plates and rocketed through his body at her firm touches and his harmonics hummed in pleasure as he leaned into her.

"Mmm, that doesn't sound too bad, Vakarian," she cooed as her eyes twinkled, pulling his forehead down to touch hers, and he swore his heart skipped a beat. "Not too bad at all."

She was still pulling his face closer to hers and her chest pressed against his armor as she closed the space between them. He gripped her full hips as he took a few long steps forward, forcing her back against the locker as he let himself drown in her deep, dark eyes….

"Commander!" Joker yelled through the comm, making Garrus pull back with a light, agitated rumble in his chest. "Got a message from Captain Anderson."

Shepard pulled away as well, her hand lingering on his chest as she called out, "Give me the message."

"The captain said to meet him at Flux. That club down—ha, look who I'm talking to."

Garrus chuckled and Shepard shot him an amused looked.

"Alright, see if Liara's still suited up and, if she is, let her know we're heading out again."

"Aye-Aye, Commander. I hope the captain has a plan, because things are getting pretty out of hand," he merrily rhymed and Shepard smiled as she rolled her eyes.

"Aw, Joker, you don't trust me to make it all better?"

"No disrespect, but seeing how in our last conversation you just growled at me—"

"I didn't growl."

"—you can understand if I'm a teeny bit worried."

Shepard just smiled wider as she turned to open her locker and pull out her armor.

* * *

"Commander Shepard!" A vaguely familiar voice called out as the commander and her current team rushed through the Wards.

Seeing that Shepard wasn't bothering to slow down the voice tried calling her again and Garrus could hear the person break into a run to catch up to them.

The news reporter form a few months back, Al-Jilani, was now blocking Shepard's path.

Last time, the commander had stopped and even gave the woman a full interview, sharing all the details she could about the current threat to the galaxy. While what the woman was saying in person was on the rude and pushy side—but nothing someone like Shepard, who was used to the spotlight and to all kinds of negative attitudes, wasn't used to dealing with—the resulting news broadcast on the other hand was a complete _circus_. Editing scenes and twisting her words around to the point that Alliance Brass had Hackett contact her and actually verify what was the real context of her words.

So Shepard was far from pleased to see the reporter at the moment.

"Commander Shepard," Al-Jilani said as her cam-bot's spotlight flared on and blinded all three of them for a moment. "Is it true that the _Normandy_ is grounded and that you've been dishonorably discharged because of crimes committed in Council Space?"

"_What_?" both Shepard and Garrus asked as Liara rubbed her forehead while muttering, "Oh, by the Goddess, we do not have time for this." And the asari walked smoothly past the commander and him and decked the reporter square in the jaw, causing her to fall flat on her ass.

Garrus and Shepard stared at Liara while the reporter was in a slight daze, sprawled in the ground.

Liara shrugged.

"I have needed to hit something all day."

Shepard blinked before her shouldered slumped and she pouted.

"But I wanted to do that…"

Then she sighed as she sadly walked away, just as Al-Jilani started yelling at them.

"With that obnoxious woman, I am sure there shall be a next time, Shepard."

Garrus just shook his head and laughed.

And people thought _he_ was hotheaded?

* * *

"Aw come on!" Shepard gasped as they heard a very familiar sound over the comm.

While Anderson's plan had not gone over too well with them, breaking into Udina's office and overriding the lockdown order was the only plan they had. Shepard had agreed to it on the condition that the captain kept his comm open in case Shepard needed to mount a rescue.

They clearly didn't need to mount a rescue.

"Why is everyone _else_ punching the people that screwed _me_ over?"

Joker gave a happy cheer. "You hear that, Shepard? Now that's how a badass rolls!"

Shepard mumbled a few unhappy things under her breath just as Joker announced they were clear for departure.

"Shepard," Anderson called. "Stay safe and get that son of a bitch."

Shepard perked up for a moment as her back straightened. "Aye-Aye, sir. I won't let you down."

Anderson chuckled. "You never do."

* * *

Garrus, as Wrex loved to remind him, was quadless.

They were on their way to Ilos, a half-day's journey, and Garrus needed to speak with Shepard. Not about anything important, he just needed to talk to her, to be near her for a little bit, because he was a wreck.

Did they just go pirate?

_No_, he groaned and rubbed his fringe, _don't be stupid_. They were going after Saren. Plus, he didn't feel pirate-y at all….

He really needed to talk with Shepard.

Yet, it was late and she needed her rest. Last thing she needed to do was spend a few hours calming his sorry hide because he was feeling on edge about what they just did. It needed to be done, he knew that, but making sure there was enough evidence to send away a well-known drug dealer for a few years was a long way away from stealing a military vessel and defying the Council's direct orders.

"Um, Garrus?" Tali's soft voice caught him off guard and he jumped in his seat at the weapon's bench. "Are you… alright?"

He cleared his throat as he nodded.

"I'm fine. How are you holding up?"

She shifted her weight around on her feet as she shrugged.

"Okay. I stay in my room for one day and next thing I know we're fugitives," she weakly joked.

"Thrilling, huh?"

Tali feebly laughed before twisting her hands together. "Is… is it bad I just want to go home? It was so exciting at first and then… they, and… I… I just miss my dad, Garrus."

Garrus reached out and pulled her over to him. She sat down onto the bench next to him and he put his arm around her. He just let her head rest on his shoulder as her arms went around his waist in return.

He would talk to Shepard later.

* * *

Garrus didn't get a chance to speak with Shepard for a few hours, as it didn't feel right leaving Tali's side. They were about to take out Saren and that guaranteed a hard fight, so he wanted to make sure Tali was in fair spirits.

They ended up tuning up the Mako together and they both fell into an easy back and forth with each other. Garrus was even feeling better once he stepped back from the Mako and Tali was standing with her hands on her hips, surveying her work.

"Shepard's going to have to work hard to wreck it this time."

"Don't let her hear you say that; she'll just take it as a challenge."

Tali laughed, genuinely amused, before asking with some seriousness, "How's she taking it? Going rogue, I mean."

"She didn't go rogue," he defended. "Her superior supervised her sudden departure."

"Uh-uh, in the Flotilla we call it 'going rogue'."

"_Anyway_," he drawled, suppressing a grin. "I don't know. I haven't talked to her since we departed."

Tali sighed and rubbed her helmet. "You suck as a boyfriend."

Garrus choked on a breath. "_What_? I'm not—she's not my, uh, not that it would be a… bad thing—"

Tali yanked him along as she started walking towards the elevator with a giggle, cutting off his awkward denial.

"Come on, I think we need to check on somebody."

So, a little under a half a cycle away from Illos, Garrus was now standing at Shepard's door with Tali at his side.

The commander quickly answered the door and Garrus, to his slight shock, spotted Kaidan standing on the far side of the room. The biotic sent Garrus a very dark glare and Shepard looked slightly torn as she looked at up at him.

"Tali… Garrus, this isn't a good time," Shepard said evenly as Kaidan quickly crossed the room.

"No, we're done here, Commander. I believe I need to make sure the crew's ready for any kind of combat we may see."

"Alright," Shepard said and Kaidan pushed past Garrus and Tali without waiting for dismissal.

"So…" Tali was the first to speak up as she invited herself into Shepard's room. "I'm guessing you finally broke poor Kaidan's heart?"

Shepard looked down, guilty, and shrugged. "Yeah… he showed up and I had to…"

Tali looked back over her shoulder and sighed. "I was joking, Shepard. He'll be fine. Garrus here ripped mine out—"

"And stomped on it," he added since she wanted to be dramatic.

"Oh, yes, the stomping. Quite brutal. But he's still my favorite turian on the _Normandy_."

"I'm the _only_ turian on the _Normandy_."

"Yes, the ranking was pretty close between you and nothing."

"Ouch, Tal, that's cold."

Tali chuckled as she walked over and put an arm around Shepard, who was now smiling at their banter. Garrus wanted to pull her aside and ask what exactly was said between the commander and LT, but that didn't really feel like any of his business.

"If you're free," Tali went on, "we've already tuned the Mako up and our gear's all set, and I was hoping you two would like to watch a movie with me?"

Garrus narrowed his eyes. "Which movie?"

"Well, since a little birdy told me that some people," Tali glanced at both him and Shepard. "Don't appreciate heart wrenching romances, _Blasto; Armed and Deadly_ was my idea."

Garrus racked his brain but couldn't think of how she would know, as he just mentioned it to Joker that morning and….

"Damnit, Joker."

The comm beeped on. "Someone call my name?"

Garrus just shook his head as Shepard gave a merry laugh.

* * *

It was in the middle of the movie, playing in Shepard's room and in other places around the ship, that Garrus moved closer to her on the couch they were sharing with Tali and Joker (who left the ship on auto pilot and in the hands of a lesser flight lieutenant with several threats). He hooked his arm around her shoulders and leaned his head down so his mouth nearly touched her ear as he softly asked, "You okay?"

She gave a small shudder, as his mouth ended up lightly brushing the shell of her ear, and she turned to him, her face close enough that their breath mingled.

Her bright eyes looked up into his and then she turned, softly kissing the side of his jaw and whispered in his ear; "Yeah, Garrus, I'm okay."

And even though he knew it was a lie, he just nodded, pulling her tight to his side, letting her snuggle close as they finished watching the movie, trying not to think of the inevitable.

* * *

It was clear that in Commander Shepard's mind, Liara and him evened her skills out. He held the same amount of tech and combat skills as her, and Liara brought in force what they both sorely lacked; biotics.

Kaidan was left in charge of the _Normandy_, in preparation of any type of space combat. The LT, while he still had to be upset over whatever happened between him and Shepard, looked genuinely worried as the three of them prepared for departure without him.

Adams had requested Tali stay and help with the _Normandy's_ systems, if it was possible, and Shepard had thought it was a good idea that Kaidan have backup onboard. Even if the whole crew was trained to handle weapons, only Tali and Kaidan had firsthand experience fighting geth.

Garrus swore the Spirits hit the fast-forward on his life, because one minute the Mako was plummeting towards Ilos at breakneck speeds (a common occurrence with Shepard, of course), then they were talking to a Prothean AI named Vigil, making a mad dash through the Conduit, crashing onto the Citadel, and Saren _shot himself_.

The Destiny Ascension, with the Council onboard, was the main target of Sovereign's geth and had called for the aid of the Alliance fleet. The call on whether or not to help them had, of freaking course, fallen onto Shepard.

The commander didn't miss a beat as she ordered all fire power to focus on Sovereign.

Killing the Reaper was their top priority and saving them risked not having enough ships to fulfill it.

In the heat of the moment, fighting a monster that was taking out entire ships with one glowing red blast, it looked like the right call.

Hopefully it would still look the same later.

Then, with the Fifth Fleet engaging Sovereign outside, they had to deal with him inside as he took control of Saren's corpse and they had to fight, what Shepard had fondly named, Zombie Saren.

It was a pain killing the fast moving puppet, and their relief was short lived once the husk disintegrated. Everything slowed to a painful crawl as a piece of the now destroyed Sovereign crashed into Council Chambers and Garrus quickly lost track of Shepard.

She had turned, yelling for them to move as the huge chuck of steel impacted with the glass wall of the tower, tearing through it like paper. For a moment the room's pressure destabilized and Garrus fell to his stomach and reached out, grabbing the person next to him, Liara, and dug his gloved talons into the grooves of the floor as the vacuum of space tried to claim them.

It only took a few seconds for the room's mass effect shields to active and for the room to re-stabilized, but he couldn't rest as the piece of Sovereign hit the ground, sending sparks and pieces shrapnel hailing around them. Garrus looked back as he pulled himself up to his knees in time to see a large piece of metal fall right toward them.

Liara looked back as well and threw up her shields as Garrus pulled her body under his. Something hit his back and he was jolted forward. He did his best not to crush Liara and to make sure she was still covered he sent a panicked prayer to the Spirits.

The grinding of metal on metal tore apart his ears at the close range and he ducked his head, wanting to block out the awful sound. A burst of heat along his back and another hit made him grunt in pain, but everything seemed to calm as the metal around him groaned in low protests, but stopped moving.

Slowly, Garrus eased away from Liara and he ignored the flare of bright pain in his left side.

They sat in silence as they listened to the crackle of a fresh fire and the whine of shifting metal, and they realized they were trapped under a section of Sovereign.

In fact, Liara's biotics were the only thing keeping the whole of it from falling down and crushing them to death. A few small pieces had penetrated the shield and Garrus tentative touched his side to feel bits of shrapnel in it. From the way his back was also in pain, he was willing to guess he had a few more pieces lodged back there as well.

"We are trapped," Liara huffed, struggling to maintain the shield. It took a hell of a lot to not only make it to the tower, but to take Saren out, and Liara wouldn't be able to maintain her shield much longer.

"Garrus to the _Normandy_, do you read me? Garrus to the _Normandy_," he tried in comm as he looked around at their small prison, not seeing a way out. "Shit, I think all this metal's blocking the signal."

The metal groaned mockingly as the shield shrank in size and Garrus shifted as close as he could to Liara in the bright glow of her biotics.

Futilely, he tried pushing different sections loose, but the metal just kept pressing down around them. His visor wasn't picking up an weak points as well.

Trapped. They really were trapped.

"Garrus… I don't think I can hold—"

Garrus placed a hand on her shoulder. "Yes you can," he said encouragingly as he could.

She gave a strain laugh. "_Telling_ me I can does not make it any more possible."

Garrus smiled. "Hey, you cut me off. I was about to give the most _riveting_ pep talk, one so amazing it would put Shepard's to _shame_."

"Oh?" she grunted. "Now I must hear this."

"I start off telling you how quiet and meek you were when you joined the _Normandy_."

"I can feel my strength returning," she bit sarcastically.

He laughed. "Let me finish. Then you met me—"

"Is this a pep talk or a list of all my mistakes?"

"_And_ through my guidance and natural charm you found your inner badass, kicked some major ass, and saved the whole damn galaxy. All while becoming the foremost expert on Protheans on the side."

Liara's eyes twinkled in the cerulean light as she smiled fondly up at him, but Garrus could see the growing fear in them.

"Hmm, that was inspiring."

"Absolutely. I'm a natural beacon of hope after all."

She laughed, about to add to their exchange, only she gasped, eyes clenching shut and painful looking spasms started ripping through her body. "Garrus, I'm sorry, but I can't… I can't…" Her hands clutched into fist on the ground and violet blood leaked from her nose.

Garrus felt his heart drop at the despair in her voice. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and tucked her head protectively under his chin.

"It's okay," he soothed, hoping she couldn't hear the way his heart was beating frantically in his chest.

The shield began to flicker erratically, blinding light dancing around them, and Liara grunted in pain as she gave it her all to hold it.

The metal whined and groaned and hissed as it compacted, slowly falling down around them until only the shield haloed them, pulsing against the darkness that was straining to swallow them whole.

"It's okay," Garrus repeated as Liara shook in his arms.

"I'm sorry, Garrus," Liara sobbed as her biotics flickered faster, in a rhythm that matched her heartbeats on his visor's screen.

Garrus pulled her tight against him and muttered, "Don't be."

Then the light stopped.

And, as the metal and darkness consumed them, Garrus found his thoughts turned to his commander and her bright smile that he treasured so much.

* * *

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**A/N:** Cliff hanger... sort of. Hehe, I wonder if anybody can possibly guess what will happen next?

And reviews are always welcomed! :D


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